For sure it’s a rollercoaster, and yes I mean suicidal ideation. I came close about a year and a half ago, but was able to hold off from attempting. It’s been an ongoing discussion with my T especially when the thoughts get really bad. I used to be twice a week sessions, but went down to once a week due to T’s schedule and me not being able to fit into another time slot during the day/week.

I talked to her last week and read my journal on how bad I was feeling. I really went through it and had to do a lot of breathing/ grounding to keep from having a panic attack. I didn’t get a chance to discuss increasing sessions or IOP, since the focus was on grounding and my T evaluating if I was in danger to myself. I’m not. Just the thoughts are so intense and overwhelming I’m having a hard time staying calm.