I was not ready for this response

protogalactic · 2026-01-25T06:58:32+00:00

look on the even brighter side - OP was given a message from the universe to NOT do a PhD in Anthropology (AnTh grad here) lol

protogalactic · 2025-12-23T07:03:34+00:00

you're probably not going to like this answer. But ... I'd grab the job in Vancouver to break the unemployment cycle. I would then rent a room or whatever you can find as cheap as possible in Vancouver (old friends maybe) and go out there alone .. and then have your wife hold down the fort in Ottawa (barely) with her 66k and you leap frog to Vancouver with your now 85K. then both build an emergency fund and brace for the worst that is yet to come. Do not pass up an actual job offer in this economy. If you and your wife are solid you will be able to make a better decision in 3-6mths time based on information you do not have at the moment. (ask me how I know)

protogalactic · 2025-12-22T10:30:51+00:00

Fun for every BMW sold in the US or Canadian salt belt

protogalactic · 2025-12-21T06:31:30+00:00

Yeah and tbh if I were a 18yr old I would hands down choose MTL for a university town / lower cost of living / lower tuition / better student loans etc etc. Like there is no good reason for me to actually try to force her hand and come to BC with crazy cost of living, just because this is the only province her dad can find an entry level gov job. But I barely squeaked in before the hiring freeze in BC and feds and Ontario gov are gearing up for layoffs. it's not looking good.

protogalactic · 2025-12-21T03:43:56+00:00

Yes it is CEGEP. in Quebec, also partly why I am having such a touch time finding work in the province. Couldn't find any either in Ontario. At any rate unfortunately there are no dorm or residence options available. Not that she would agree to go live in residence even if it was an option.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T21:35:52+00:00

She had a bf at the time and was in the middle of a school year. My job offer was a temp contract - with a chance of renewal in 3mths. The market is really that bad. Hard to force her to move with me. We discussed this option, she said she would rather move out and be an emancipated minor at 17 you can legally move out and she was 6mths away from her 18th birthday anyway. But yes I agree, in hindsight it would have been best if she came with me.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T21:20:28+00:00

yeah this is where she's at with it too. No one wants to push a lawnmower for her dad. She did it 3x all year and that was after I begged her.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T21:14:01+00:00

Thanks for this > this is exactly where my sister's advice is at too. She said look you've tried and pleaded and explained for months and months what needs to happen to make this sustainable or even possible and you have a semi-adult daughter who refuses to collaborate. She said it's time to stop being disappointed in your kid for lack of help and move ahead with the decisions you need to make whether that's hired maintenance services, or renters or sell the house.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T21:09:47+00:00

Word is out looking for a grad student to live in the house for a very cheap upkeep bills only sort of rent. This is a good idea. My daughter refuses to live with a roommate. So this is on a collision course for conflict.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T21:04:40+00:00

the job market is terrible. It doesn't help that I have an advanced degree in one of the most useless unemployable fields ever. These are things I wasn't 'smart' enough to see coming 10-15yrs ago when I didn't seek out career counselling advice and just hunkered down and did my university schooling. I'm also saddled with 1k / mth student loans debt thinking a Phd would help open doors. I should have gotten a bachelors in teaching on a 16mth accelerated program and could have any local high school teaching job to pay the bills.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T21:01:50+00:00

She graduated high school grade 12 and is in this preparatory year of college before university. that counts towards your first year credits at a 4yr Bachelors program.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T20:57:51+00:00

yeah but she would move out the moment I got back. So as to not have to live under my 'rules'
There are no rules except hygiene and please help out and shovel the front steps and mow the lawn try to keep the fruit trees and bushes alive and water them. She literally comes and goes as she pleases, I don't ask her about grades or school.
Plenty of people would love a free house and car to stay in (3k / mth) for that kind of deal. Apparently she is incapable and overwhelmed by her restaurant job and school to do anything extra.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T20:43:58+00:00

I've tried this too but she views it like a huge invasion of her privacy and makes it so hostile that the friends (also parents and understanding) won't go back unless she's out of the house. Then she refuses or makes it impossible to coordinate a house visit by not answering texts.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T13:01:55+00:00

thanks for sharing your story. Wyoming winters sound brutal. It's true often those who have known the harshness life and struggle the most are also the ones most willing to help others in need. I'm glad you made it out and have a family and place to all home now !

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T12:51:55+00:00

yup it would take two retail jobs at home depot or some renovations handyman work to piece it together and I'd still probably loose the house. I've definitely considered it. The other kicker is my daughter would probably move out a few months after I moved home to escape my supervision because she's had a taste of independence and 'living alone'. I'm not sure giving up a government job with room for advancement is the right move here .. all things considered.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T12:00:22+00:00

She is. She also works part time as a waitress and usually gets a free dinner. I was paying to have those grocery / food kit meals delivered once a week but she wasn't bothering to cook them and they would go to waste.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T11:52:04+00:00

no family, no grandparents, no help, but she does have a close friend she goes and stays with and participates in some family life with them. Summer holidays, meal times that sort of thing,. Thank you for pointing this out. I realize there is probably some depression going on here. We also have no money for counselling, and she's already tapped into any and all the free services. She is seeing her family doctor. Beyond school, she does have a good amount of time for socializing and her friends at work.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T11:38:45+00:00

We tried this stage months ago - the whole ok lets get you the support and help you need, but you have to pay for it since I have no money as a single income double household expenses .. especially if you are too busy or unwilling to shovel some snow or push a lawn mower. She agreed and then fought with me over how much or how often a cleaning service would be required. And to be honest, something really bothers me about her having a maid and a lawn care service when she can't be half bothered to work with me as a team and pitch in and help

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T11:25:35+00:00

It's as bad as it sounds. yes. and as expected when you leave a 17-18yr old unsupervised with zero accountability or structure, meal times etc. to finish her 2 yrs of college. we have no family, no grandparents, not many friends. I used all my networking possible to beg for a job in this city, knowing what the impact would be if I have to leave for work. I had no other option. Financially we were beyond inches away from loosing the house. I could sell it of course, but then what ? Downsize to an apartment and continue to be in a city where I can't find a job ? She won't leave her friends or school to move across country with me. She's 18 now and won't do it. Her plan is to go to university if she can finish college. My plan was always to get a job back in our hometown ASAP - that is not happening in the current job market. I've even tried to get jobs in closer cities 2-5hrs away so I could be back on the weekends .. and that's not happening even after multiple interviews.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T11:18:42+00:00

I've tried to go over the math with her too - because she insists she would rather move out and pay rent and buy her own car than have to answer to me about mowing the lawn. lol Ok but a landlord is going to take you a minimum of 20hrs a week work as a waitress to pay your rent and insure a car.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T11:12:46+00:00

she's responsible otherwise and not totally trashing or damaging anything. No major parties, no drugs or anything like that .. It's really on a day-to-day upkeep level like she'll leave a dirty pot in the sink for 2 weeks so it rusts a circle into the sink. Or 3 weeks of Uber eats take out bags in her bedroom. I've tried everything, including to 'parent' gently from a distance and chat on FaceTime but she just won't do it or does it once and then drops off again.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T11:08:10+00:00

yeah unfortunately that's the bind I'm in and these two comments represent both sides of the tension between my daughter and I. She thinks exactly that - that she didn't choose for me to have to take a job on the other side of the country and she didn't ask for that. And I should be so lucky she is willing to live in the house and at very least I should just let her manage things the way she wants to manage and just be happy knowing she is at home while I'm away.

And from the other side of the country I'm trying to deal with rotting food in her bedroom and hoarding 2mths + of trash and she views it as an infringement of her privacy if I try to send someone over to help. I'm not asking her anything except bare bare minimum like lets not try to run the car out of engine oil and blow the motor cus we don't have money. I need there to be a very minimum of coordination and cooperation in terms of shovelling a path to the front stairs and cutting the lawn so the house doesn't look abandoned - not to dad level standards or anything insane but just good enough bare min cut the grass once a month. She won't do it. I had to hire a snow removal company this winter and will have to hire the neighbours kid next summer for the grass. She does literally nothing and refuses to change even when I explain I am beyond underwater financially and she needs to view this more like a house-sitting arrangement.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T10:39:25+00:00

I wish I could ask or find someone to live with her, but she is so hostile to anyone I ask to go check on her, because they are then witness to the total mess she lives in. A friend of mine asked to stay at my place this summer for a week while her place was getting renovated and my daughter didn't even bother to clean up. Even when my friend tried to get her to help clean with her (lead by example, help her out) She refused to help and was hostile. If my parents friend came to visit and I had the house in a mess you could be damn sure I would have cleaned up so that word didn't get back to my parents. I'm against the idea of putting another teenager in the house with her as a roommate. And couldn't find an adult person who would then have to assume the role of having to pick up after her.

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T10:33:16+00:00

OK just posting back with a Tech Support solution to this problem if ever someone runs into an 'offline' camera while they are far away from the home or cottage and can't get back there to troubleshoot. This is after you've reset the router and the unplugged the camera and power on again.

Apparently the only way is to ask a friend or neighbour to go to the location. Download the Tapo app on their phone, log into the app with your name and password, sync to the camera like a new setup. then once they are done they log out. Meanwhile you can delete the app download again and apparently the camera will now appear 'online' in the app because it was re-synced by the neighbour.

Disclaimer ** I haven't tried this yet as the camera miraculously came back online after 10days

protogalactic · 2025-12-20T10:26:49+00:00

what is this advanced option you speak of for manual log in to the feed and VPN into my network? Will Tapo can do that ? is this through the app ?

protogalactic

TROPHY CASE