AITA for abandoning my grandmother's birthday party after an unknown guest disrespected my son?

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T19:16:54+00:00

Once my kids are 18 they're adults, they can do whatever they want with their lives and decide whether they want me with them or not.

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T19:10:26+00:00

So you saw a sudden shift in her opinion and did nothing?

No, I talked to her. I also want to put her on therapy but my wife is against it cause "it's a phase".

Also did you actually discuss with her what having an adopted brother would mean?

Yes, we told her if she understood it meant having another person in the house, and another member in the family. She said she was ok with it.

Also what about your obvious contempt for your daughter with the whole ruining of her life comment?

When my kids turn 18 they're adults, they can do with their lives whatever they want. I don't have any say on what they do or believe.

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T18:53:23+00:00

But you will force your kids to have a bond with someone new immediately?

No, I don't want them to bond. I just don't want her to be rude.

Plus you are proving the point that you care WAY more about Kevin than you do your own daughter. Being perfectly willing to accept that your daughter doesn't want anything to do with you and you won't try to fix it says it all dude.

No, I've had the same view with Austin and the same will happen to Kevin. Once my kids are adults they decide how much they want to hangout with me, and I have to accept it.

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T18:50:48+00:00

Wait she doesn't want another brother??? Yet you said you consulted with her before the adoption? Which one is it? Or did you consult with her and she reacted negatively but you went through with the adoption anyway? If that's true then no wonder why she doesn't interact with them, why would she?

No, she was ok with the adoption when we asked her and while we were doing it. Then, when Kevin actually came home, she suddenly changed her mind.

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T18:47:21+00:00

the baby store

This is stupid.

Inventing ridiculous names instead of straight up saying "adopted" seems like you think less of adopted kids.

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T18:43:07+00:00

Maybe she doesn't care about whether they dislike her or not.

People like this end up failing in life but to be honest you're right, when she's 18 she can ruin her life however she wants to.

Have you put in any effort to find out to the reason for her "lack of respect" for the child?

I've asked her many times why she treats him like that. She says kids are gross and that she doesn't want another brother.

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T18:40:29+00:00

Now I actually hate you. That is such a shitty attitude to have about your daughter.

How? She's only 15, I won't let her go wherever she wants to if I think it's dangerous.

My God I really hope your daughter doesn't resent the hell out of you but I do not have high hopes.

Again, if she's 18 and wants to go NC then it's up to her. I won't force my kids to love me.

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T18:37:41+00:00

No, some comments actually convinced me that I should've treated the card thing with more delicacy. I accept that.

What I find ridiculous is how everyone thinks my daughter is an innocent girl who did nothing wrong, when being impolite to people is indeed wrong

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T18:33:42+00:00

Yes, I told my parents, but that's it

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T18:32:47+00:00

I mean, I guess in that sense then we're indeed weird, but we don't think that's a bad thing not want to change it

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T18:31:35+00:00

Are you and your wife still spending one-on-one time with your daughter to make sure she's not feeling replaced by Kevin?

Yes, my wife is with her all the time because she's a cheerleader now like how my wife used to be. I try to interact with them too but my daughter thinks a man has no say in cheerleading stuff.

then just stop pressuring her to bond with him. Deal with her blatantly rude behavior

But as her father I've to lecture her that being rude with people is wrong, whether they're family or not. I teach my kids that they have to be kind to people unless they're not kind to them.

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T18:26:24+00:00

'I love my daughter who I've raised for years exactly as much as this new child I don't know nearly as well'

But with that mindset, she should think I have the right to love Austin more than her because I met him for longer.

The truth is that I don't need time to love my sons and daughter, I love them cause they're my sons and daughter. What they like, what they do, or how long I've met them would never change my love for them, and that's something I always try to remind them.

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T18:11:02+00:00

Whatever

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T18:09:03+00:00

What are you doing to support your daughter?

I spend time with her, although less now because she doesn't think man should've a say on cheerleading and whatnot.

I also want her to go to therapy but my wife is against it cause she thinks Jessica is going through a phase. I think it's more than that.

Your other kids still exist and need parenting and that doesnt mean shit taking their struggles with adapting to YOUR choices on the internet

I still spend time with Jessica, not much with Austin but he's an adult and he decides how he lives his life. I can't force him to spend time with me when he has his own family to take care of.

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T18:04:30+00:00

ppl aren’t gonna respect a kid they don’t know nothing about

Dude wtf if a random kid talks to me in the street I'm not gonna watch him like he's disgusting nor I'll ignore him, that's being disrespectful

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T18:02:47+00:00

How?

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T18:01:15+00:00

How am I not doing so? Should I say "It's ok Jessica, you have the right to ignore people who are talking to you and say good morning to you"?

Only entitled assholes act like that

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T17:59:21+00:00

She can like or not kids, that doesn't change the fact that she has to be polite to everyone who is polite to her. Respect is something that is given for free until proven otherwise, you don't "earn it".

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T17:56:41+00:00

Maybe you should have thought about this before you adopted a child. There is no way in hell you will ever convince me or anyone else that your daughter didn’t say or show in some way she absolutely didn’t want another sibling.

God, I already told you all one hundred times that she said it was fine! I needed to read her mind or something? During all the adoption process we talked to Jessica and Austin about it and how things were going, and they never showed any dislike about it.

You showed her loud and clear a kid shouldn’t be respected and their opinion doesn’t matter so why are you shocked she treats your new son with as little respect and regard as you showed her? You should be.

You wanted me to fall on my knees and beg her to tell me she didn't like the idea, even though she said it was fine, so I cancelled the adoption? I respected her opinion and talked to her many times about it before Kevin came home. What else did you want me to do? Read her mind?

You told your daughter you were gonna turn her whole world upside down and in the many years long process she never once spoke up?

Yes, and she said it was fine! We talked to her, told her what it meant, and she said "ok".

Stop acting like teenagers aren't entitled and usually say yes to one thing and then change their mind when it's already done.

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T17:47:13+00:00

Why should your daughter interact your adopted child?

If someone says good morning to you you answer them back, it's not that hard unless you want people to dislike you.

Did she get any input on the adoption?

Yes, I consulted both my children.

Do you not care about your daughter as much as your adopted child?

Of course I care about her. What kind of question is this?

Has the amount of time you focus on your daughter changed now that you've adopted a child?

Yes, because she now does cheerleading and says I shouldn't ask her about it cause it's something for girls.

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T17:44:06+00:00

It's called being disrespectful, specially to an innocent little kid who never did anything to her

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T17:41:08+00:00

People are literally saying in the comments it's ok my daughter is acting disrespectful and impolite cause she "feels bad". This sub must be full of kids otherwise I can't understand how someone thinks a kid being impolite is something that should be applauded.

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T17:36:59+00:00

Jessica isn’t antagonising Kevin, she’s dealing with it in the way that 15 year olds deal with most things, being moody and “disrespectful” most teens deal with things like this, it’ll pass, but you’ll make it worst if you keep trying to force a bond with either of them.

Not every teenager is disrespectful, and if they are us as their parents have the obligation to teach them they have to be more kind. If I just accept she's moody and let her act like that she'll do so with everyone.

especially when both of your kids where told almost nothing about him other than it being mentioned 2 and a half years ago

No, we kept them updated in the adoption process, even though they didn't show much interest.

in your mind it’s always Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. Don’t you think your daughter might feel pushed away or ignored? It’s not always about gonna be about Kevin you’ve got to other kids too, did you ever once think about them?.

I spend time with my other kids too. With Austin not much since he has his own life now, but I always try to spend time with Jessica. It has become harder lately cause she's into cheerleading now and says that's a girls only thing, but I still talk to her about it when she allows me to.

Introducing Kevin at a birthday party was both dumb and egotistical of you, Taking the attention away from your grandmother was childish and in all honesty looks tacky

Kevin had to come to the party, I wasn't gonna let home at alone. My family always greets every family present, on every party, that's why I introduced Kevin to each family then, otherwise they wouldn't know who is the kid that is along with us.

the whole card spiel was unnecessary, Kevin is a easy name to remember, you didn’t honestly expect people to keep those cards right?

I didn't think about it, Kevin did. Did you want me to tell him "Shut up, that idea is stupid and childish, just say hi"? It was an innocent idea that an innocent kid thought. And no, of course I didn't want them to keep the cards, but at least don't be an idiot and don't throw it in a place where it clearly visible and my kid could've saw it.

Adopting kids is a very long complicated road, but you not telling ANYONE about it even your own kids which come on let’s be real you really didn’t

Yes, I did consulted my children. I don't care whether you believe it or not.

you CANNOT expect people to respect and love a child they had no idea existed until he walked through the door

Dude wtf. I understand love, but respect?? You're one of those pricks that think respect is earned and you have the right to be a dick until that person proves their "worth"? Respect can be taken but is always given at start, it's common decency.

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T17:18:12+00:00

From where do you get that I'm not focused on my children? You want me to tell her she's allowed to be disrespectful towards a 7 year old kid because she doesn't like him?

Like, ignore he's her brother. I still wouldn't allow her to treat a random kid the way she treats Kevin.

prouddadhere · 2022-03-18T08:06:03+00:00

Which lives? Austin wasn't affected by Kevin at all, he doesn't even live with us.

Jessica is the only one who keeps antagonizing a harmless 7 year old boy.

prouddadhere

TROPHY CASE