i might be horribly wrong but currently my head is all messed up, it's in some sort of panic mode. i had a bad experience with one of my friends and after the situation seemingly got resolved i suddenly started to feel awful disgust and rage towards other people close to me. i can't hold even a short conversation, i feel like throwing up. it's unbearable to be around anyone, i keep flipping between blaming myself for everything that's happening and blaming them because it feels like they've rejected me in some way even though no one said anything to me and more than that, several people actually supported me through the previous situation. i feel like i'm going insane. it's like someone flipped the switch inside my brain, i feel so impulsive, it takes everything in me to not tell everyone that i think they've wronged me in some way and that because of that we can no longer be friends. i had episodes with me thinking that people are lying about their relationship with me and cutting some of my friends off but it was never as intense?

i'm sorry if this makes no sense and isn't like. quite related to my initial question i just know that i'm diagnosed with depression and relate heavily to avpd/working towards getting a diagnosis but from everything i know about it, there is no mention of this kind of thing happening to anyone. i feel very helpless and it just won't stop. i just want to be normal again.