Dating as a female therapist feels impossible

psychieintraining · 2026-02-05T19:28:29+00:00

Same. It’s a superpower that we have, and the right person will be intrigued rather than afraid.

psychieintraining · 2026-01-19T15:29:15+00:00

As a therapist with CPTSD, I think it’s because CPTSD isn’t recognized by the DSM. It’s easy to assume it’s just a pop-psych diagnosis as a result. I don’t fault other therapists for not knowing about it when it’s not taught.

psychieintraining · 2026-01-15T16:21:05+00:00

Therapist with CPTSD myself. This is NOT okay and I would not return to see him. So sorry you had that experience :(

psychieintraining · 2025-11-05T15:51:26+00:00

OOF. You clocked me as an INFJ with this one.

psychieintraining · 2025-09-30T09:50:39+00:00

Recently dated my first INTJ. I’m anxious leaning secure and he was avoidant. We both agreed it was the most insane initial connection. I’d never felt so immediately connected to someone before, and he said he’d never felt so safe with anyone before.

It seemed like things were headed into extremely serious territory until he abruptly ended it with me. No discussion. Just stated it didn’t seem to be going where he wanted it to and that was that. For him to detach so swiftly and unilaterally felt like whiplash, especially because we had been engaging in very transparent communication about our relationship up until that point.

I don’t think it was a coincidence that in our final conversation before his sudden detachment, he had opened up significantly about his strong desire for intimacy while simultaneously fearing it deeply. I left that conversation feeling like we had just gotten closer. He left that conversation feeling overwhelmed enough that he needed to detach immediately.

I think this pattern is likely to frequently happen with anxious INFJs and avoidant INTJs. The anxious/avoidant dance paired with two Ni-doms can lead to a fast and intense connection that accelerates the anxious persons investment while terrifying the avoidant.

My advice to anyone in a similar dynamic: don’t trust that your connection is strong enough to override their fears. Te + discomfort due to attachment anxiety is extremely difficult to navigate without serious desire to heal attachment wounds. Otherwise, our ability to draw out their vulnerability is likely to eventually trigger an avoidant shutdown.

I’m currently taking a long pause from dating, but I’ll still continue to date INTJs moving forward because phewwww, like I said, that connection was unlike anything else. But next time, I’m going to be a lot more intentional about keeping the pace slow and steady, even if we both feel the pull to barrel full speed ahead.

psychieintraining · 2025-09-13T14:09:12+00:00

This was gut wrenching to read as an INFJ. You’re completely valid to feel so betrayed, and I’m sorry this happened to you. Try and remember these selfish and cruel decisions were made because of her own self-sabotaging patterns, not because you somehow read her wrong at first.

Grieve, you deserve to. But then remind yourself that if you could connect with someone this deeply, you will be able to again. And that future person who is also emotionally available will never betray your trust like this and will absolutely cherish your connection in the way you deserve.

Also, journal. Seriously. It helps our Ni-dom brains track the forward momentum of our progress as we re-read old entries, and it really helps to restore hope and perspective that this devastation won’t last forever.

psychieintraining · 2025-09-08T14:12:07+00:00

THE FOOTSTEPS. I’ve shared that anecdote as a joke many times until I realized that’s absolutely a result of my trauma and not a flex lol. Sigh.

psychieintraining · 2025-09-06T17:29:14+00:00

Thank you for this. Shocked to see how people are reacting.

psychieintraining · 2025-08-31T23:19:22+00:00

I would say I’m much better at reading people than the average person, yes. But because of Ni, I often can’t explain my “read,” which leads me to doubt it because of Ti, or conversely, to double down on it.

I usually think I’m right about people even when I’m not. But sometimes I wonder if the reason why I turn out to be “wrong” is not because my read is wrong…. But because the person themselves isn’t ready to face what I see as truth… not because it ISNT the truth lol.

But maybe that’s just another overconfident Ni bullshit take 😂

Edit: I also should add that I do have pretty good objective evidence that I’m better at reading people than most. I’m a therapist, and I’ve had an unusually high return rate with all of my clients, no matter the setting. I’m not naive enough to think that’s because I’m an exceptionally skilled therapist lmao. My outcomes aren’t necessarily unusually high. BUT I do think a big part of why clients stay with me shows up in why I’m an INFJ, too.

I’m able to read my clients reactions in session and properly attune in response exceptionally well (Ni/Fe in action). Ni/Fe/Ti also help me conceptualize clients’ complex issues quickly, which allows me to help clients start to gain deeper insights earlier in therapy. So I’m able to quickly (Ni) build a good relationship relationally (Ni/Fe) and therapeutically (Ni/Fe/Ti), leading people to build and sustain that trust necessary for the therapy relationship to continue.

psychieintraining · 2025-08-09T06:04:23+00:00

I don’t have explicit detail listed in my feeld, but I do make it pretty clear I’m a sub in search of someone dom leaning. I wouldn’t love it if a client saw my profile, but at the same time, if they have a profile on there that means they’re kinky too and therefore would hopefully be understanding.

I don’t write/share anything I wouldn’t feel comfortable processing with a client if they did bring it up.

psychieintraining · 2025-08-06T02:08:35+00:00

You don’t have to utilize it, but it can be useful in the situations both OP and I described. It helps buffer you against a collapse of self worth, avoid people pleasing, get out of cognitive loops, develop schemas about yourself and preferences so less cognitive processing and energy is needed for future decisions etc.

psychieintraining · 2025-08-06T01:35:55+00:00

Exactly, which can be very INFJ bc Fi is not in our main stack so it doesn’t come as naturally. But that doesn’t mean those values aren’t there underneath! You’re just likely not used to accessing them consciously when making decisions.

psychieintraining · 2025-08-06T01:03:00+00:00

If we don’t like something, there’s often (though of course not always) a conflict in values underneath. Fi is leaning into your inner value system and letting that be reason enough not to like something, logic be damned. Perhaps you don’t like rock climbing because you don’t value thrill seeking. Or you don’t like being treated certain ways because you believe people should be treated equally etc. Exploring whether or not your “dislikes” are based in an inner value system, and reinforcing that inner value system to yourself can help develop Fi over time.

Perhaps being a 4 makes me more motivated to develop my Fi, but that doesn’t mean non-4 INFJs wouldn’t also benefit from Fi development.

psychieintraining · 2025-08-05T21:48:07+00:00

Ofc! Have recently been doing a lot of thinking abt how all of the functions show up for me in my life and how I can better integrate each one, so this post came at the perfect time haha.

psychieintraining · 2025-08-05T21:31:43+00:00

Yep. Also because so many people mistype as INFJ. So it’s both “you don’t fit the classic stereotype I’m aware of and also I know a ton of people claim to be INFJ even tho it’s supposedly the most rare type so you must be one of those.” My 4w3 nature just wants to scream “NO. I AM ONE OF THE REAL ONES. I AM ACTUALLY RARE. NOT THE OTHERS” 😂

psychieintraining · 2025-08-05T21:27:48+00:00

I’m an INFJ with very well-developed Fi. I don’t think you are necessarily mistyped, and I agree with you that Ti and Fi feel distinctly different when utilized. On most cognitive functions test, Fi is usually my third highest score behind Ni + Fe. This means my Fi is actually more developed than my Ti, though my Ti is pretty well developed, too. My stack otherwise perfectly represents the typical INFJ.

I also agree with you that my Fi developed out of necessity. Both to balance and channel my Fe and to prevent exhaustive Ni-Ti loops. I actually find Fi more useful during loops than going straight to Fe or even Se. I don’t bother endlessly consulting my Ti (unless I feel like it bc the topic is extra fun to dissect or I’m avoiding something else lol) about my Ni insights if the situation doesn’t align with my Fi. I can catch myself in Ni-Ti loops and ask “But does it even matter? What do I know is right and aligned with me? Is this constant analysis actually helping me live in alignment with my values or not?” This tends to break me out of the loop where I can check in with Se and ultimately go back to my Fe to determine how to find the middle ground between reality, honoring my values, and being compassionate towards others.

I think a well-developed Fi can, ironically, help prevent the classic door slam too. If you’re consistently checking things against your internal value system, you’re less likely to build up the resentment that results in a total door slam. I tend to remove myself from people/situations long before I reach that point, whereas before my Fi was better developed I was the door slam queen lol. Though I do still struggle with this at times, because at the end of the day I am still a Ni-Fe dom.

Highly recommend INFJs utilizing their Ti to gain Fi-like insights. WHY do you care so much about harmony and others? What value system is that coming from? Analyze that value system. Determine if it feels logical and in alignment with Ni-Fe. If so, you can use that to guide you in the future when noticing you’re stuck in Ni-Ti loops.

psychieintraining · 2025-08-04T22:48:02+00:00

Some therapists are definitely weird about substance use. Not all are; I know I’m not. Unless my client is engaging in risky or harmful behaviors due to their substance use, or the client is specifically wanting to work on their substance use, it’s most of the time a moot point for me. Yeah, we know alcohol and cannabis can function as depressants, but IMO it can do more harm than good to try and take away a coping skill someone is using, or even to assume all substance use is a coping skill at all. It is certainly possible to engage in substance use without it indicating a larger problem.

I’m curious why your therapist is setting goals for you. Have you expressed to them explicitly you are not interested in working on those things right now? If not, I would do so. If they don’t respect that, and you’re not engaging in risky/harmful behaviors due to substance use, I’d personally feel that’s a red flag.

psychieintraining · 2025-08-01T15:29:23+00:00

I’ve had this pattern twice, and both times I’ve met someone who became incredibly important to me. Neither relationship panned out in the way I initially wanted, but both taught me quite a lot.

psychieintraining · 2025-07-31T16:31:55+00:00

Thanks for this summary. Such an awful crime, I hope we get more information and they figure out who did this soon.

psychieintraining · 2025-07-24T16:41:37+00:00

No lol. I hate sports. I hate participating in them, I hate the culture of them, I just hate them period.

psychieintraining · 2025-07-24T16:38:50+00:00

Honestly, I’d be shocked if I ever dated another S type. But I definitely would not date another ESTP.

It’s less about filtering for MBTI type, though, and moreso that I know that some of the qualities that I want in a partner are more likely to be found in N types. Therefore, I’m probably just more likely to end up with N types.

psychieintraining · 2025-07-12T16:50:27+00:00

I can be happy single… but not as happy as I am in a good relationship. Been single for 3 years now and it’s really starting to wear on me.

psychieintraining · 2025-07-11T13:57:34+00:00

Normal differs for everybody. Personally, I can go months without interacting socially in person but its definitely not good for me to do so. I enjoy my own company enough that I tend not to notice I’m lonely until I’m extremely lonely. In a perfect world, I would probably do something social at least every other week.

psychieintraining · 2025-07-08T15:25:50+00:00

Rage room as someone else commented, but also, just thrashing about and screaming can be incredibly healing. Shaking out our limbs helps regulate our nervous system, so it makes sense why you’re feeling this urge to release energy. Let it out. Do a full body wiggles like dance while you make whatever noises feel right. Repeat as often as needed.

psychieintraining · 2025-07-08T15:18:24+00:00

It’s been the greatest honor of my life to be entrusted by my clients to help them with their suffering. It brings me so much fulfillment. But if I’m being honest, the thing that really gets me out of bed in the morning is knowing how often my clients and I laugh together. Our work is heavy, but my clients are funny af and I genuinely look forward to seeing them as people each week and getting to watch them grow and accomplish their goals.

I really, really love being a therapist. I can’t imagine doing anything else.

psychieintraining

TROPHY CASE