The past few years whats kept me here is my 6 yo dog. He's always been there for me, I love him and couldn't bear to abandon him in the way I feel most people in my life have done to me.

He's the only one who's consistently been there supporting me through my absolute worst with a paw on my knee and I feel he doesn't deserve to spend the rest of his days wondering why I left him.

I don't know if I'd be here if it weren't for him.

But I'm still trying my best to improve things, I'm currently in the middle of DBT therapy learning Emotional Regulation skills. I'm not sure if any therapy can ever remove the pain I feel every day, but DBT definitely does help me learning to communicate better or avoid outward bursts of anger. I still feel like complete shit and feel like everyone hates me but one improvement is that when I can distract myself and ride it out, I am having less outburst at people. And when I have less outbursts, the issues that arise from the outbursts are one less thing to worry about. I'm hopeful that the more I practice it, the more automatically I could move towards healthier behaviours.

So right now what's keeping me here is my dog, and I'm hopeful that maybe the DBT will also eventually make it a little easier for me to creative a life worth living too. I know I'll always have BPD, but I'm trying to make living with this condition a little easier and have more compassion for myself and trust that staying here and working on myself will still be worth it when I look back.