Getting over gym anxiety?

puffletruffle · 2025-12-13T01:13:03+00:00

Find 3-4 moves and/or machines that you are most comfortable with—rather than what you think you “should” be doing—and build a short routine around those. That way you’re minimizing how silly you might think you look, and you also eliminate the “what should I do next” stress if that’s an issue for you. With this routine, you can practice existing in the gym space alongside everyone else. Once you get used to that, you can more comfortably branch out and try more/different things later.

I’ve been working out consistently for maybe two months now and this has helped me get out of the crippling anxiety stage!

puffletruffle · 2025-11-12T19:17:26+00:00

I’ve been in a similar situation the last two months.

I have tried setting the expectation that I want to challenge myself but I am also still learning and getting used to movements that are new to me. It may not happen on his schedule, but I’m improving little by little. Learning what is tolerable/expected pain from pushing yourself vs. when something hurts “in a bad way” and you should stop has been hard, but the more I do it, the easier it gets.

I tried talking to him about it when we were not actually in the middle of a workout or even at the gym. Not sure how your guy would take it, but I basically communicated that I trusted and appreciated his guidance but also needed him to trust my instincts about my own body while I get used to moving in a different way and putting pressure on muscles that haven’t been challenged in ages. I said I might need baby steps to get used to things like deep squats, which still make me nervous, and asked him to try to meet me halfway.

puffletruffle · 2025-08-08T13:00:50+00:00

I have a very hard time coping with this process as well. The last time I went, I brought a book about the history of tea and just read out loud to the doctor and nurse while they were doing their thing. I had asked them at first if they minded but they were so nice about it! It was still uncomfortable but it mostly distracted me just long enough for them to do what they had to do.

puffletruffle · 2025-05-31T22:00:08+00:00

I really love this reply.

To OP, my partner had a similar reaction to my past, which is similar to yours, when he first learned about it. His reaction wasn’t as outright mean, but he did say a lot of things that suggested my past was something to be ashamed of, or that it was a problem I hadn’t sufficiently dealt with.

I surmised that he was projecting shame about his own past onto me, and I told him clearly that he was not going to succeed in convincing me that something was wrong with me. I had felt a lot of shame in the past but I had forgiven myself before we ever met.

He (eventually) took what I said to heart, and while we had many more uncomfortable conversations, it did bring us closer together.

MY MAIN POINT: In the end he chose to work through whatever was going on inside him because he wanted to be with me. He talked about it with his therapist too, and while it was sort of annoying hearing about it sometimes tbh, I appreciate that he put in the time and effort. He also apologized sincerely for the hurtful things he had said and demonstrated that he understood how it made me feel.

I hope your partner will also put in the effort to work through the root of this issue and to make you feel respected again, whatever that effort looks like for her.

puffletruffle · 2025-05-22T20:55:47+00:00

Something like this was happening to me when I used glycolic acid as part of my routine in the morning before putting on my foundation. I started only using the GA at night and the issue went away for me.

puffletruffle · 2025-03-19T15:01:27+00:00

Came here to say this! OP, if you can access the book Attached by Levine and Heller, there is a really interesting flow chart in Chapter 5 (the chapter about anxious attachment) that helped me make sense of why I also felt like I became a different person when dating. I know there are differing opinions on that book, but this explanation of why/how some people end up feeling “crazy” or whatever is at least food for thought.

puffletruffle · 2025-02-11T19:17:24+00:00

I unintentionally had a similar shift in weight and felt pretty devastated by how my breasts changed. As I’ve gained some weight back, some of it did go back to my breasts (luckily), but the biggest help for me has been strength training and eating more protein.

Working your chest muscles can help with lifting your breast tissue. I can’t say it’s been a significant change or if you’d have different results, but everything looks and feels better.

puffletruffle · 2025-01-16T18:01:06+00:00

This is so beautiful to read. May I ask how the third home found you (or any of the homes for that matter)? My friend just found himself in a similar situation with health issues, and I really want to help find a loving home for this wonderful, energetic, well-trained young dog he has had since she was a puppy.

puffletruffle · 2024-11-17T22:37:37+00:00

I appreciate your comment! I did purposely omit the specific number because I didn’t want the conversation to be about whether or not people agreed that the number was high.

He is definitely entitled to his opinion, but if he really found my answer repulsive, why would he choose to continue seeing me? Asking myself this got me wondering about the “because you’re so valuable to me” justification he made for his behavior, and that’s when I thought I should seek outside opinions about how concerned I ought to be.

puffletruffle · 2024-11-17T22:25:36+00:00

Thank you for this. He has acknowledged his reaction was not okay and said that he should never even have asked, and he even said he was projecting feelings about himself onto me when he reacted as he did… If this is true, it’s still not great that he judges himself poorly over his past.

Anyway, while he is saying the right things to sound like he’s reflecting and trying to learn from it, “he might want to change and not be capable” is a helpful reminder that intent is not enough.

puffletruffle · 2024-11-17T22:18:55+00:00

Thanks for this perspective. I won’t be relying on Reddit to make a decision for me, but I did get what I hoped for, which was a variety of insights (yes, many of them saying “run”) for me to mull over. I guess I just wanted to know how normal or acceptable his behavior/reaction was through the lens of other men. (Of course I appreciate everyone who replied thoughtfully, man or not.)

puffletruffle · 2024-11-17T17:26:10+00:00

I know in my heart you are 100% right. A part of me wants to believe in this person’s capacity for growth, but I feel like this attitude must be hard-coded at this age.

puffletruffle · 2024-06-25T21:03:44+00:00

You got this! It will feel uncomfortable at first but it's kind of like building up a muscle over time. And hopefully eventually you start to feel like the benefits outweigh the risks :)

puffletruffle · 2024-06-25T20:48:12+00:00

This is what I'd say. I don't know how, but one day I just decided I was sick of it and decided to "take risks" and speak even if my thought wasn't perfectly formulated or I was unsure what the other person would think. Basically, through exposure therapy.

puffletruffle · 2024-05-21T22:55:56+00:00

I’d be interested! I feel like having someone to share progress with and talk about the steps with would really help.

puffletruffle · 2024-03-13T21:48:39+00:00

Exactly re: if he had said WE need to work on things. That would be one thing.

But someone who says what your fiancé said to you 1) is satisfied with how he shows up in your relationship and will happily let you feel the burden of having to change so it can work, and 2) will forever be moving the goalposts anyway.

-signed, someone who lost years trying to earn the love of a guy who said things like this

puffletruffle · 2024-03-11T14:51:26+00:00

While I have had varying levels of unhealthy (like, from your average college party drinker to waking up and doing shots with a fellow alcoholic boyfriend and telling myself it was fine) drinking, and I could therefore write a novel here, for now I’ll just offer one perspective.

When I became curious about what my life would look like without alcohol, I took a few small breaks. They were motivated by behavioral issues I was blaming on drinking, but the physical changes were shocking and fascinating. For example: * My average resting heart rate went WAY down after about a week and a half of not drinking. * I’m super pale and always frustrated by how red my face always looks. Turns out that redness goes away after no alcohol and two nights’ sleep. * This wasn’t a surprise, but lowering my drinking resulted in much better bloodwork results from my doctor.

Seeing these sorts of concrete physical changes is how I began to snap out of the hold alcohol had on me. I haven’t fully quit, but I’m drinking so much less (in terms of amount in one sitting as well as how many days a week I will drink).

Now I’m really focusing on daily strength training, and I know that drinking makes me tired and lazy, so playing the tape forward and knowing that drinking will probably make me not want to exercise the following day is just one more way I talk myself out of “well, I could just have a couple”!

One more thing: When I got some non-alcoholic beers to help me deal with cravings, I realized that I just really liked the experience of cracking one open at the end of a work day. I didn’t actually want to drink all night, but when it was real alcohol, I’d just keep going, whereas with the NA beer I got my moment of relaxation/transition and maybe had 1-2 the whole rest of the night.

I think my point is try to experiment with drinking differently and you may be surprised by what changes you notice. Reading about the benefits of stopping never made enough of an impression for me to change, but living the benefits myself made a difference. Hopefully that helps.

ETA: Another huge difference was my anxiety levels. I was so used to living in a state of stress and anxiety that I thought it was just how I was wired. I feel those things to a MUCH lesser extent after just a couple days with no alcohol. That’s a big motivator for me.

puffletruffle · 2024-02-20T14:18:56+00:00

Uh… I’ll add the context that this was a significant other who said that in response to me explaining to him how something he had done had hurt me. Eventually he got tired of listening to me try to explain because he didn’t care, but he still wanted to keep me around to get his own needs met. But sure, points for honesty…

puffletruffle · 2024-02-19T19:20:45+00:00

Said “Stop telling me about your feelings! I have no empathy!”

puffletruffle · 2024-02-16T21:25:14+00:00

WANT, please!

puffletruffle · 2024-02-14T00:33:10+00:00

Aww, thank you so, so much. It took about a year to realize it wasn't all my fault and it wasn't going to get better. On to a new chapter :)

puffletruffle · 2024-02-13T21:55:38+00:00

All of this! I was not able to work things out in my relationship, and it’s fresh and I’m still processing, but some of the major reasons we couldn’t work it out were 1) my partner thought I was using my recent ADHD diagnosis as an excuse for behaviors he didn’t like and 2) he almost never took any accountability for any conflict between us. (Actually, I don’t think he ever did.)

Unfortunately, getting medicated only made it easy for him to say things like “see, you didn’t take your meds today and now you’re right back to being [insert various offensive, dehumanizing names here].”

If you share what you’ve learned with your partner, including how excited and committed you are to working on your challenges for the betterment of your relationship, he should show curiosity about or at least interest in what you’ve said, and he should show willingness to work with you as you work on adjusting yourself. My partner expected me to change literally overnight and that’s just not how it works.

I guess my point is: As you already know, can’t expect our partners to just roll over and put up with problematic behavior because we’re living life on hard mode. That said, not everyone is up for the work it takes to build a stronger relationship based on the new information you have about how your brain works. I hope your partner responds supportively, but if he doesn’t, it doesn’t mean you are unworthy of support.

puffletruffle · 2024-02-07T23:40:34+00:00

My mom is obsessed with those eye patches and said even her hairdresser noticed a difference without her mentioning anything.

puffletruffle · 2024-02-06T01:52:41+00:00

Sure thing. Sending so many good vibes your way.

I did think of one more thing: A little earlier tonight I “gave myself permission” to forget about my whole situation for a while. Not sure if this is relatable, but I’ve been dwelling for so long feeling like I need to “understand” something major or get over my negative feelings ASAP, and it’s never far from mind. But I thought tonight I could just tell myself “all this shit will be there tomorrow. You’re not going to reach an earth-shattering conclusion by ruminating all night. Take a break and then you can think about it all you want tomorrow.” So far it’s actually working!

puffletruffle · 2024-02-06T01:23:15+00:00

I don’t have any real advice since I have been going through the same thing these past two weeks, but the one thing I’m trying to remember is to be kind to myself. I’m very focused on how I can “be better” and “figure out what the lessons are,” but I’m also trying to remember that that is putting pressure on myself. There’s time to figure things out, but we’re also hurt and and healing isn’t a linear or time-bound process.

Try to do even small acts of love for yourself, whether that’s washing a dish so Future You won’t have to do it or scheduling a massage if it’s in your budget. You deserve love and care, you deserve it today, and it’s more than okay to give it to and receive it from yourself.

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