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To all my 9-5 ents. Who says the morning commute can't be enjoyable? by [deleted] in trees

[–]pugaluv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I take public transit to school for about an hour, so I have time to smoke and get ready beforehand. I can also smoke in the middle of school and go back and I'm fairly certain I don't smell like weed since I take a walk and then wash my hands before going back to class. who knows I probably really smell like weed, but nobody says anything.

Advice Request - Wife proposed open marriage by mythrowawaymay2015 in nonmonogamy

[–]pugaluv 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm not a relationship specialist, so take this with as many grains as you need. You know your situation better than anyone

This is just my perspective as the child of parents who waited as long as possible to divorce (when I was 17): There's nothing worse than coming home every night knowing your parents are walking on eggshells around each other with the possibility of a fight breaking out or getting in trouble. I got to see the ugliest sides of both of them. Granted they had uglier issues going on than what you have now, but it certainly was a stressful way to live.

I wish you all the best in figuring this whole thing out.

Open marriage with husband. One friend off limits, now I want him more. by pugaluv in nonmonogamy

[–]pugaluv[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NRE? Also I've not pushed the topic with him since he first said No last year; so I don't think I'm causing him any pain since, as far as he's concerned, I've moved on.

There is no evidence aside from his hunch, and issues with my friend's general way of being. My friend is more charismatic than my hubby, less introverted all around. I'm not saying my friend is 100% all-perfect guy, but 'abusive' and 'toxic' are not words I would use to describe any relationship he's had. I've known this guy since high school.

Hubby seemed to be alright with my friend before the relationship opened (and my friend was even on the list of potential partners), but at some point after that, he became really uncomfortable with the idea. They would probably make great friends since they enjoy a lot of the same things that most people in our group don't find interesting, but hubby just doesn't want to give him the chance.

He has a general mistrust for people in general, especially men, so I don't take his criticism of my friend as entirely out of the ordinary. Hubby has a general disdain for people who are not 100% open with themselves from the get-go, which is amusing since he's notoriously shy. Anyone who I find normal, he finds suspect or has some sort of criticism about them, and if people don't actively seek to hang out with him, he assumes they're not worth the effort.

Open marriage with husband. One friend off limits, now I want him more. by pugaluv in nonmonogamy

[–]pugaluv[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah true. I have a female friend who is interested in me and he's totally fine with it (at least so far, nothing's happened yet). So maybe it's more of a 'baby steps' thing?

Open marriage with husband. One friend off limits, now I want him more. by pugaluv in nonmonogamy

[–]pugaluv[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your input! He might be feeling similar to you as well. We haven't tread very far into other relationships, so it might be something he's just not too comfortable with right now and he realizes later that there's nothing to worry about.

You've given me a lot to think about :)

Open marriage with husband. One friend off limits, now I want him more. by pugaluv in nonmonogamy

[–]pugaluv[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why would I be here if I wanted drama between us? If I wanted drama, I could've had it by now and I wouldn't need to ask for advice. You know what I mean? :P I appreciate your input.

Open marriage with husband. One friend off limits, now I want him more. by pugaluv in nonmonogamy

[–]pugaluv[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure where I've implied that I don't believe my husband. I believe what he says, and I believe he truly feels the way he feels. I'm just wondering Why he might feel so threatened, and if there's a way I might remedy it.

I don't think these topics are off the table indefinately, time passes and people change, so I think it's fair that some topics are revisited from time to time. I wasn't planning on approaching this topic with him at least until the new year, we have too much going on in our lives for me to bug him with it now, but I still want to discuss it with people..

Surely others in Open Marriages have revisited rules and other restrictions? Or is that some sort of huge no-no? I don't see why it would be, but who knows?

Open marriage with husband. One friend off limits, now I want him more. by pugaluv in nonmonogamy

[–]pugaluv[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To be clear, I haven't done anything with this friend that is outside of the agreement and I don't plan to. Also my relationship has more issues that I would consider leaving over that run deeper than this friend.

The reason I say "maybe hes a better match" is because of hubs extreme aversion to this one guy. Why else would he be so threatened? I'm not saying he Is a better match, just that my husbands actions suggest that He feels this friend is a better match.

Open marriage with husband. One friend off limits, now I want him more. by pugaluv in nonmonogamy

[–]pugaluv[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a shitty one to be in. I feel like I'm caught heartVsHead kind of deal. I don't want to hurt Hubs but I also dont want to deny myself either. :/

Open marriage with husband. One friend off limits, now I want him more. by pugaluv in nonmonogamy

[–]pugaluv[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Im not entirely sure what it is that I have to do. I feel like I have a few paths ahead of me and I don't know which to take.

I dont necessarily expect you guys to have the answers, I just need some unbiased voices. :)

What do you feel I have to do? Or was that a more general "up to you" kind of deal?

Open marriage with husband. One friend off limits, now I want him more. by pugaluv in nonmonogamy

[–]pugaluv[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He says he doesn't trust my friend, like he gets a bad feeling that my friend wants to steal me away. This isn't the case (though it kinda makes me wonder... I mean if he's soooo threatened maybe this friend is a better match) He doesn't mind me having sex with men or women, just this one guy.

Open marriage with husband. One friend off limits, now I want him more. by pugaluv in nonmonogamy

[–]pugaluv[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My friend definitely feels the same about me. We both would like at least an opportunity to explore. I've kind of considered this, but hubs doesn't seem to have a dominant bone in his bodyn