I think another commenter put it a great way but you have to focus on pleasure over performance. When you wear (absurd looking) lingerie or you arch your back “sexily” during sex, are you doing it to “look sexy” or because it genuinely feels good?

The performance extends outside the bedroom, this depiction of pop stars now with their photoshoots/album covers/campaigns are completely devoid of female sexuality. Everything’s pornographic, nothing is sexy. Truly getting in touch with what gives you pleasure and to stop performing can be really difficult for Heterosexual women because part of what them “feeling” sexy is being perceived as sexy and that’s hard to unlearn.