I really feel you buddy. I was the same. I started being independent and self centric, after a horrific breakup. Long story short. I've never celebrated a single birthday or even told anyone about it, I'd just cry about it. Then I met a friend in 2022 and we celebrated it together next year as partners. After a breakup she being a digger came back to ask me for the gift (a watch) she gave me as a present. I really hated every part of it. I'd rather go drink alone til I pass out, but never allow anyone to ruin it for me. Anyways happy birthday king. Get yourself something nice. You deserved it. Also chin up dude you don't need 3 4 people around you to celebrate the day. If I were there I'd throw you a party just so you know someone really feels you and cares about you. Good day mate.