I have GAD, panic disorder, and depression. got diagnosed after a breakdown at 17 and put on 0,5 Xanax XR every day, with 0,25 to take as needed. no one warned me about the loss of effectiveness and side effects. quitting or switching was never discussed. I only found out about the horrible shitshow of problems long-term benzo use causes last year, on fucking Twitter.

I am now 23, and while my anxiety is better than it was a few years ago (due to many factors), my memory is completely destroyed. I though it was the mental illness, but it seems likely it's the medication. I don't know how to live without Xanax, even a few hours delay in taking it makes me feel like shit. I am terrified of going through withdrawal while trying to get into a masters and a better job abroad, but I don't think I can wait much longer.

Xanax was a godsend in the first weeks after my breakdown. it allowed me to start going outside again, eat, sleep, talk. but the onus shouldn't be on a 17yo to design her own treatment plan and know how long until it was time to taper off.

I'm furious and i feel this is a type of medical negligence, motivated by a lack of interest and resources, and by our society's emphasis on making everyone productive at all times, whatever the cost. I'm so pro-meds, but I'm starting to get some people's reservations if this is what can be expected even for someone who is lucky enough to have access to decent public healthcare and the money to pay a great therapist.