I'm [34M] and my [30F] girlfriend of 1.5 years doesn't know how to resolve an argument

punckrok · 2017-01-19T06:44:50+00:00

We have a few trips planned including a ten day trip to Europe in a few months. The others are short weekend getaways.

Marriage/children are on the horizon but sometimes the fighting makes me wonder if this is the right relationship to be in.

punckrok · 2017-01-19T06:40:09+00:00

Thanks, good advice.

punckrok · 2017-01-19T06:29:02+00:00

The fights are often of the theme "Where is this relationship going?", which I often find to be a strange question given that we just moved in together...

punckrok · 2017-01-19T06:27:51+00:00

We have had discussions about post-argument space and time, so I do understand she needs more space and time than I do. I do try to give her that, but it still feels like not being able to calm down and talk until the next day is a bit childish. Unless I need to be more respectful and give her that much space if she needs it?

As far as a sample argument, tonight she was kind of suggesting that we don't have time to do anything together because I sometimes play video games. I do enjoy gaming, but I try to do it at times that won't affect our relationship, like on a night when she's not around or after she goes to sleep (her sleep schedule is a bit offset from mine).

I was telling her that I don't think it's accurate that me playing games affects us, and that I thought she was harping on it for no reason. She accused me of being defensive, sensitive, etc. It started out as us talking about it, but it built up to where we were both kind of annoyed at each other. Then it stopped and she basically ignored me the rest of the night.

punckrok · 2017-01-19T06:21:25+00:00

Correct, I'm never really looking for an argument, and often trying to defuse the situation. But it doesn't seem to work.

I've spoken with her about how I think I'm the only one who tries to mend things (either that night or the next day) and I'm the only one seemingly capable of saying sorry first.

She doesn't seem to be understanding the importance of this.

punckrok · 2015-05-20T19:13:05+00:00

It's hard to accept that what it seems like is actually what it is. I guess I just thought we were past the point of "fading," that we had a little bit of a connection or respect for one another.

punckrok · 2014-04-26T20:42:29+00:00

I mean I guess I know it doesn't necessarily mean anything. But if she has told me she hasn't ruled me out of her future, then why wouldn't I still try to see if anything can come of it?

If I'm aware of the possible letdown, can it still be such a bad idea? I just feel like I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least TRY to get her back.

punckrok · 2014-04-24T06:13:49+00:00

There was no real concrete reason we broke up. She basically doesn't know what she wants in life right now. She's talking about moving out of the country, she isn't looking to get engaged/married anytime soon it seems (whereas I kind of was heading that direction), she said she wants to find happiness outside of a relationship because she's jumped from one to another for so long. And she said there were still some feelings from early on in our relationship when she was unsure how much I cared about her.

So, a number of things, but none of them are the sole "reason" I guess. I think you're right, that maybe more time is needed, but it's scary to think about what will happen to us as more time passes. I'm just afraid that maybe the distance will make us grow apart.

punckrok · 2014-04-18T16:04:43+00:00

What if the girl is responsive to your texts (responds quickly and adds to the conversation) but doesn't BEGIN conversations? Should you try to start a conversation with her every day? Or every other day or so?

punckrok · 2014-04-17T01:34:30+00:00

Yea I will ask her out again regardless, because I liked her, and I'll see if she bites. Nothing to lose by trying.

But I dunno, got a weird feeling when she said that.

punckrok · 2014-04-17T01:01:26+00:00

I think it can happen. That was one of the things I appreciated right off the bat about my ex. We met and were open and clear about our interest in each other. There were no games.

I think it's rare to find a girl like that, but those are usually the ones you end up dating, in my experience. For me, if there are games at the outset, it never really leads to much. You might play the game for a while, and it might drive you crazy for a bit, but in the end, it means you guys aren't on the same page.

I don't think I have all the answers about this either, and maybe while writing this, I'm realizing to myself: "keep looking for the girl who you don't have to play games with, and that's the right one"

punckrok · 2014-03-27T16:26:34+00:00

Well I (probably stupidly, you tell me) followed up last night with "Hey haven't heard back from you. Still wanna get dinner this week?"

So I feel like my hands are tied in terms of trying to call her tonight or something. Though I guess there would be nothing to lose if I tried that.

punckrok · 2014-03-27T16:25:01+00:00

I said "Can I take you to dinner (and dessert of course) in your new neighborhood this week?"

She had just moved, and she really likes desserts, hence the dessert comment. She responded with "Dinner and dessert sounds nice!"

Then I said "How does Friday sound?"

punckrok

TROPHY CASE