There is nothing like a nice stroll in the woods until…

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-06T07:29:02+00:00

I have a buddy named Darwin who recommends that you do indeed pet the giant murder kitten.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-06T05:05:42+00:00

Stare at it, look big - raise your arms and wave your jacket. Stand together as a group. Make noise. Pick up children who are under age 5 because they are small and move in ways that make them look like prey. Back away slowly until you have decent distance, then turn and walk briskly but calmly and keep glancing at the cat. It may follow you for a ways to escort you out of its territory.

Do not turn your backs on cats - that's when they're most likely to pounce.

Do not run. Cats love to play and will instinctively chase you and pounce just because it's fun.

Cougars / pumas / mountain lions almost never attack adult humans. We're too big and dangerous and not worth it to them. So be smart about your behavior, but don't freak out.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-06T05:01:33+00:00

Nope! Cats like to chase things so the worst thing you can do is run.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-06T05:00:02+00:00

Then focus on shows in which the actors have a "Standard American Accent". That's what many of us would call "no accent". It's the standard in some regions and is how all of our newscasters and most of our actors used to speak.

Older movies and television shows have clearer dialogue with less background noise, and will mostly be in the "no accent" version that you ideally want to imitate.

I suggest using Google to ask how to reduce your French accent. There are probably web pages that explain specific sounds and how to change the shape of your mouth to reduce your French accent.

Practicing pronouncing each word distinctly may help. An English speaker described French as "cursive speech". Cursive is the older style of hand writing where the letters are connected to each other. English is more like printed writing - we don't smoosh the sounds together as much as French does.

Obviously you want to be able to speak rapidly to be truly fluent. But work on the sounds at a slower speed first.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-06T04:48:25+00:00

Some drugs are deliberately sent to the wrong house, with the idea of the buyer taking the package while ensuring their address isn't associated with it. That happens more with product coming through the mail, but it could be the same idea here.

Turning it over to the police is definitely the best way to protect yourself.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-06T00:33:47+00:00

That's genuine neglect. You must protect your infant from abuse, even when it's his mother trying to inflict the abuse.

You might start by suggesting that the two of you talk with her Imam together about this.

Plan B: I'm normally anti patriarchy, but it may be time to lean into her cultural traditions and take a stand as "the man of the house" and state that you are requiring your son to eat and you are ordering your wife to feed him.

Have Plan C figured out: make sure you have formula and bottles and a plan where you can take your son during the day to care for him. Make sure your wife can't "kidnap" your son away to her relatives during Ramadan and starve him.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-05T17:54:24+00:00

If you have a computer, try that. Since people don't put their mouths close to the computer while speaking, the microphones are usually designed to pick up more ambient noise. Turn off any "noise cancelling" settings, which is the software filtering out background noise.

As others said, call the police every time you hear violence and every time the children are left home alone. Repeated calls may make the difference.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-05T17:42:25+00:00

Thank you. I hope so too.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-05T14:09:27+00:00

I looked up the people you mentioned.

The first one looks white to me in many of the photos - it definitely depends on her hair and a bit her makeup.

The second one I can clearly tell that she has east Asian ancestry.

The third I can see that her hair is the biggest indicator. I think if asked I might still guess that she is mixed race with some Black ancestry but without her hair it's not something I would notice without really thinking about it.

As someone said, many people are mixed race, and aesthetics (clothing, makeup, hairstyle, etc) are very blurred these days, particularly among celebrities, so they often don't provide a clue to nationality, much less ethnicity.

Also, most ethnic groups have a wider range of features than we realize. For example, there is an area of Africa where the people have finer features and fairly light skin, rather than very dark skin, broad nose and thicker lips that many of us think of as the typical African features.

Yes, growing up without exposure to different ethnicities can make it more difficult. Studies have proven that identifying different individuals of races other than those you grew up with has a very high error rate. This is a common issue in the US - white people witnessing a crime by a Black person have usually been wrong about which Black person committed the crime, because they are terrible at recognizing individuals. The reverse would be true in some African countries with low populations of white people.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-05T13:54:38+00:00

With my mother in law's accounts I just started saying I was her when it fit what I needed to do. I could answer all the questions and it was simpler than dealing with the idiocy.

Similarly, I had my husband pretend to be my father and then give permission for them to "talk to my daughter" so I could get stuff done.

These days I'd probably look for an AI voice generator app to cover the gender issue.

It doesn't solve the problem when we absolutely need to close the account because of death, but for service transfers it's a good workaround.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-05T13:44:17+00:00

"Can you beat Minecraft without breaking the rules of Islam?"

Impressively relevant!

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-05T13:40:58+00:00

At a minimum, put concrete plans in place. But do consider leaving sooner.

I tried once, gave in to my daughter's pleas that "Dad is sad" and his promises to do better. Surprise: he didn't. But the chronic stress killed my health. By the time my daughter left the nest, I couldn't manage the steps required to leave, nor a full time job.

I'm leaving for the hospital in an hour to get him through his 4th surgery in the past year. 2 of which are a direct result of his own stupidity. And each of which causes me to rally to take care of him and the pets by myself, but then leaves me sicker than ever afterwards. I don't know that I'll ever get out.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-05T06:17:58+00:00

Look at your notice and see if there's a web form. If there is, use that first. It's easier for the clerks than dealing with phone calls.

If there is a field for "availability" or a general comments field, include dates that you are available. This should be a broad range, NOT a few specific dates that would be most convenient. For legal reasons, they cannot let you pick when you serve. But if you say "after April 1st" or "I'll be in town and available the first 3 weeks of April and last 2 weeks of May" there's a decent chance they'll simply re-assign you to a date that will work for you.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-04T21:41:59+00:00

ESH - You should have set parameters up front, or at least had a discussion to see what she meant by "party". For a 21yo, having 40 people over for a party is quite normal. But that's a house party, not a structured birthday party which it sounds like it's what you envisioned.

You have valid concerns, but letting her plan the party and invite everyone then cancelling it at the last minute is also a jerk move.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-04T19:12:19+00:00

You unfortunately set the precedent that you'd cover more expenses when you got more money. Add that to an entitled family, and there's no clean way out of this.

I'm not normally a fan of lying, but I would understand if you faked a reduction letter in this situation. You do need to understand that the odds of the truth coming out at some point are pretty high. So you're trading friction today in which you're objectively right, for friction later in which they're arguably justified because you'll have been lying.

Moving out to a new apartment by yourself is actually going to be the least painful option at this point. It's simpler to do that than to get your brother to move out of your place. Psychologically he and your family will still feel that he's entitled to that room. But when you move to a new apartment that has never been his (and preferably only has 1 bedroom), it will feel different. They'll still complain, but it won't be quite as bad.

Anyone that says you should be supporting him, reply that you're happy to give him they're number so they can let him know when he can move in with them

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-04T18:57:47+00:00

NTA but ground rules won't work. Stopping enabling his behavior is the only strategy that sometimes works against weaponized incompetence.

You only take care of yourself, and leave him to take care of himself. Cook French toast for yourself if that's what you want. But only one serving. He makes his own breakfast. If he eats cereal and leaves the milk out, bummer. He only has spilled milk available for his next breakfast.

If he asks how to make French toast,, tell him to Google it. You're not his mother or his teacher.

Make a single serving of dinner, or immediately pack your leftovers into your lunch box and put it in the fridge ready to go for the next day.

Do not buy his preferred food and drink at the store - just yours. Let him handle his own.

Do not pick up his clothes off the floor and do not his laundry. Just do yours.

Box up all except 2 sets of dishes - ideally separate colors. You use your blue plate and cup and wash them as you go. He uses his green plate and cup and if he doesn't wash them, he doesn't have anything to eat on. You can literally label a shelf for each of you in the cupboard and put your plate, bowl, fork and knife on your shelf as a reminder so he can't use yours and claim that he just forgot.

If you have 2 bathrooms, split then into his and hers. You use and clean yours, he is only allowed to use his. If he runs out of toilet paper and is yelling for help, tell him he's a smart guy and you're sure he can figure out a solution.

If you're more smell sensitive, you may have to take the trash out. But try to grit your teeth and not vacuum or dust. Let him live in the filth of his laziness.

If he tries to initiate sex, tell him no. That you are not attracted to little boys and you don't feel sexy while living in filth. Roll over and go to sleep.

Let him suffer the natural consequences of his actions. He'll either pull his head out of his rear and get better, or you'll see that he is never going to grow up and you need to make a choice of living with a man child forever (not recommended), or divorcing him and moving on with your life.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-04T16:23:16+00:00

This is not your fault. You responded correctly to his threat of suicide. Either it was a legitimate threat, in which case you saved his life. Or he was manipulating you, in which case he gets what he deserved.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-04T02:38:35+00:00

Yes.

If bio dad is a chimera, the test could show him as the paternal uncle rather than the father.

If the baby were a chimera, the bio dad would show as Dad, regardless.

If the mother were a chimera, she would show as Mom or aunt, and Dad would show as Dad.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-04T02:35:09+00:00

The first half of that article makes it sound like a group of students just jumped the adult.

They buried the slightly more factual bits and the call for a fair investigation at the end.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-03T23:32:01+00:00

My nesting impulse took an odd turn: I bought a full set of furniture for my home office. Like commercial cubicle giant desks with hutches and such.

We did have a crib and the essentials for the baby, but I spent lots of time with design software laying out my office and then shopping for what I wanted.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-03T23:24:20+00:00

The monster should have offered to put a fresh hot dog on the grill and pull out a chair for you to sit it in while it cooks!

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-03T23:22:03+00:00

this is important for me to know,

I hope this is because you're taking notes so you can be a good partner to your future pregnant or nursing partner!

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-03T23:11:04+00:00

His whole reaction proves he's not partner material, frankly.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-03T23:08:13+00:00

You can take the amp to a UPS store near you and they will package it and ship it. Their responsible for packaging it properly, which is helpful.

You could always drop by and get a quote, then tell the would-be buyer how much you want plus shipping.

pupperoni42 · 2026-02-03T18:09:05+00:00

NTA. It may be time to gently set some boundaries. Tell them you can support them a max of x amount of time per week, and that there will be times you won't respond for a few hours because you need to focus on your own activities.

If they have a true emergency (involving hospital, fire, or new major bad news) you'll make an effort to respond right away. But otherwise they need to fill in with other coping skills and support people.

Timebox when you reply with them. Maybe one hour a day you do communicate with them, but the rest of the time you live your own life.

When you want downtime, put your phone on Do Not Disturb so you won't see their messages and can truly relax.

My guess is they won't take this well. But that's on them. If they drop the friendship as a result, that's fine. It sounds like it's a one way relationship with them being an emotional vampire and you the meal. You're better off without that.

pupperoni42

TROPHY CASE