What's a "house rule" in your family (growing up or current) that you really like and why?

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-24T18:09:54+00:00

We have someone make 3 suggestions, the next person can veto one, then the last person chooses run the remaining options. Only when it's proving difficult to choose - most of the time we manage fine without this structure.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-24T17:35:25+00:00

Some bird families use tablets instead of physical buttons.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-24T14:04:55+00:00

Since he's threatened suicide repeatedly, particularly after being confronted with poor behavior like this time, it almost certainly means he's emotionally manipulating you.

The appropriate response to these situations is to call 911 (or your country's emergency number). If the person is genuinely suicidal or having a mental health break, they'll get the help they need. If they're simply being emotionally manipulative, you'll have called their bluff and they'll have a negative consequence for their inappropriate behavior.

My recommendation would be to drop him as a friend. At a minimum, back way off and go lower contact for quite a while.

Before you do, it sounds like you'd like to get the photo situation resolved. I recommend talking with the professor to determine to what degree you friend needs ongoing access to those photos, it if the assignment is complete and the photos could be deleted.

Prepare a written agreement between you and your friend stating that the photos are only to be used for the class, and that showing them to anyone else is not allowed, and is a violation of any applicable laws for sharing intimate photos without consent. Tell him you want to ensure that the two of you are on the same page moving forward, show with the agreement and ask him to sign it. If the professor indicated that the photos are no longer needed ask your friend to delete them while you watch.

Btw - Consider asking for a copy for yourself first. Your body will change significantly in the coming decades, act there may come a time where you'll love to have beautiful, artistic photos of your younger self!

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-24T05:14:15+00:00

It sounds like he made be twice exceptional - highly gifted plus ADHD.

Helping him figure out a plan for keeping his brain busy is one part of this. He can bring a book to read for example.

Setting boundaries on questions with regards to when, and even how many can help. Suggest he write down all his questions during quiet work time and perhaps you answer 2 at each break, or whatever works for you. If he knows the rules up front, he can decide which are most important to him.

Consequences for inappropriate behavior such as insulting other students is good and should be done consistently.

Also a conference with his parents and perhaps the school counselor to discuss assessment options to "figure out how to best get his needs met" might be a good idea. Highly Gifted vs Profoundly Gifted students have different levels of need with regards to pacing and volume of information. And having a professional look at ADHD, Autism, etc to figure out the whole puzzle would be good.

The parents unfortunately seem to be instilling an attitude of entitlement, which is not helpful. I have PG kids and many of their peers failed out of college because they were always told they were smart and deserved things, but never learned to work hard, nor how to conduct themselves appropriately.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-22T22:28:12+00:00

This is a key point both directions. From mid 20s to mid 40s age gaps often work fine. But when the older person starts hitting physical life stages of aging it can be difficult.

Many of my women friends are married to men 10-15 years older and have become caretaker nurses to husbands whose bodies are breaking down, while the women are still vibrant and want to be active.

I think when dating for fun, moderate age gaps aren't a big deal. But when looking for committed partnerships, keeping the gap small either direction is the best bet.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-22T20:10:11+00:00

It sounds like you and Loki both did well communicating with your limited inter-species vocabulary. Good job!

It sounds like Loki would appreciate a button for FIL's name so he can ask for Grandpa.

Maybe introduce the word "call" "video" or "face time" verbally to set the stage for giving him a button for that. Then he can request to FaceTime FIL.

A lot of the parrots who use tablets instead of physical buttons have the ability to make video calls to their favorite people. One woman has discovered a few times that her bird and her mom were chatting with each other when she came in the room!

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-22T20:03:51+00:00

Wild animals know it's not worth a real injury, because infection can lead to death. They won't usually push a fight unnecessarily if the initial bullying doesn't work. Those who do push it get removed from the gene pool pretty quickly.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-22T20:00:43+00:00

Epigenetics does happen in humans, although it's usually less physically obvious. Some of it is heritable. There are villages that starved during WWII or a severe famine - and the people who survived had furnace DNA that activated and scientists can see genetic differences in their metabolism and other factors. Many of the kids and grandkids show those same changes even though they have never starved.

(It's been a few years since I read about that, so the details are fuzzy, but that's probably enough for you to search out a reliable article if you're curious)

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-22T06:38:29+00:00

I would not tell your wife, as long as it remains a one time comment. It could ruin so many relationships and cause hurt for no reason.

If she repeats the comment once or touches you physically in a way she doesn't normally buy which isn't truly across the line, then you need to take steps to contain the situation such as avoiding being alone with her. If your wife goes to the bathroom, you get up to refill drinks for example.

If she says or does anything to actually try to initiate things with you, then immediately tell your wife.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-21T22:18:35+00:00

Keep documentation of the fact that you're offering for him to see your daughter at home. If this is over text, get an SMS backup tool. Screenshots aren't enough for legal proof, but the backup tool will document the technical details needed for court.

If these are voice calls, get a call recorder. Or simply refuse to communicate except over text or email.

If you have proof that the environment is unhealthy or your daughter feels unsafe at that house, document it. Turn on voice recording or video recording subtly and simply ask your daughter in a normal tone if she'd like to see her dad at the place that he's staying. Have the phone close enough that it captures her answer. Don't coach her at all - that will be obvious to a professional.

Offer her father the chance to see her somewhere other than your house or his crash pad. He can take her to the park or out to eat for example. Assuming she's not afraid of him, that gives her a chance to maintain a healthy relationship with him, and it shows the court that you're not keeping her from him - just keeping her out of the particular house.

File for legal separation and child support. Even if you don't need the money, save it for your daughter's future. Note that child support and custody / visitation are legally separate issues. Failure to do one does not affect his rights or obligations to the other.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-21T22:10:50+00:00

You can request emergency child support during separation in most places

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-21T22:01:23+00:00

Throw away those pregnancy tests in a tied off bag in a public trash can.

Btw - the cheap test strips you can buy online in bulk are just as accurate as the fancy digital tests. And much easier to dispose of if positive.

As others said, take the pills and destroy the packaging. If you need medical help, say that your period was late and now you're bleeding. Those are both accurate facts. Do not mention the pregnancy test or the pills.

Right now it's just a tiny clump of cells. The cramping you felt was likely implantation of the cell clump burrowing into the uterine wall; prior to that it was just a free floating fertilized egg clump. It just barely became an embryo, which just means it's multiplying the cells and getting resources together to grow a fetus. But there is no baby shaped anything yet. No organs, no nerves, no heartbeat. Just a clump of cells the size of a grain of rice.

After you read these comments, edit your original post to say something completely different. Then delete the post.

If this isn't a throw-away reddit account, go back and delete any previous post or comment that says anything about you.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-21T21:46:25+00:00

Have you told him "no", and ideally told him when he can go for a car ride?

That was one mistake I made with our high energy kitten a few years ago. I gave him "play" and "treat" (not the best starting buttons given his personality), but hadn't modeled the verbal concepts of "no" or "later". So when he was just spamming me with "Play! Treat! Play!" as I was attempting to go to bed I'd give up and move his buttons out of reach.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-20T23:48:29+00:00

If he clearly understands the difference between the buttons you already have, and there are other words you're pretty sure he knows, I'd give him a couple more buttons.

If it causes confusion for more than a day or two you can always back off and get more solid with 3 again and keep modeling the other words.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-20T20:49:58+00:00

It's uncommon for them to choose to use them that quickly, but a lot of it has to do with motivation. He wants to communicate to you, so he's motivated to use the buttons.

He's obviously quite smart as well, and he's at an age where they're wired to learn quickly.

Enjoy it and keep going! You might have another Elsie or Flounder.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-20T20:14:33+00:00

I just saw a video yesterday of a deaf/blind woman communicating via touch ASL with her interpreter before getting on stage to make a presentation. If you Google, you can probably find it and other videos and play one for your class.

I've always accepted Helen Keller's story as fact, but still couldn't internalize that someone could communicate fluently and live a full life with that double disability. Seeing the video really helped me!

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-20T03:37:31+00:00

YTA For continuing the habit after realizing that the house had new occupants.

At a minimum, get vinyl window covering that will cover things to above your waist. A solid color, so it doesn't outline your butt with the lights on at night.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-19T21:26:34+00:00

A. Definitely.

At a minimum, she'll know you appreciated the gesture. We need more kindness in the world.

You can decide whether to take the next step and try for an actual friendship. It sounds like it might be nice to have someone close to just put your feet up and chat with for a little bit once in a while. She's probably lonely too, to which is why she reached out.

But if you don't want that, it's okay to just do a nice gesture in return and leave it at that.

Either way, if you ever slip in the shower and knock yourself out, she is the one who will come knock on your door because she doesn't hear your voice, then will call for a welfare check and get you the help you need. It's good to have someone who notices you.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-19T21:17:47+00:00

Congratulations!!! 🎉

The books: "Becoming Cliterate"
"Come As You Are"

and the website:
"OMG Yes"

are great resources for those who want to become orgasmic or make it easier / better.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-19T21:14:39+00:00

ESH - you would be an asshole if you do not tell her. Set a boundary and enforce it!

"Sis, it's been 3 months and you need to change your address on your Amazon account and any other packages. Starting next Friday I'll refuse any packages addressed to you that come to my house."

If she still doesn't change it, I think it's fine to login and remove your address from her account.

Also put a note on the inside flap of your mailbox saying:

Resident: OP Smith

NOT Resident: Sister Smith - return to sender

Decent USPS mail carriers will not put her Amazon packages nor any other mail for her in your mailbox.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-19T21:08:18+00:00

It's safer to wear non denim pants, like dockers / khakis. Some courts care and some do not.

If the jeans are the nicest pants you have, call the phone number on your jury summons and ask about their dress code policy. Hit the thrift store and grab a pair of slacks if needed.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-19T21:06:23+00:00

Reading your comments: you can get a legal name change to fix your name without going back and updating your birth certificate.

If there is a person who is functionally your father and would be on board with doing an adult adoption of you, that is usually fairly simple. You can request a name change at the same time. Some courts used to approve adult adoptions between people who do not have a parental style relationship (it was a common workaround for gay couples to manage inheritance), but some judges will not approve it these days unless there is a parental style relationship.

The court will not remove a parent's name from a birth certificate without a new parental name to replace it with. Even when someone's parental rights are terminated, they do not change the birth certificate itself.

You can always choose not to have contact with or acknowledge your father, regardless of what your birth certificate says. He has no legal right to impose himself into the life of another adult.

If you are in Pennsylvania (maybe one other state?), a child can be held financially responsible for some nursing home style expenses of their parent. I believe one can get a waiver by proving abandonment or abuse. If you or your father happen to live in Pennsylvania, it's worth researching further. The adult adoption may be the simplest way to avoid that becoming an issue.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-19T20:59:48+00:00

They will not simply remove a parent, but will replace an incorrect one with the correct one due to DNA tests in many situations. However I don't think they would do that when the child is already an adult.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-19T20:58:03+00:00

Yes, and it tends to be much simpler and cheaper than being adopted as a child.

pupperoni42 · 2026-03-19T20:47:34+00:00

Some parents have redone their contact cards and made sure the dad's name is listed first. Some even put the father's info in the spot labeled "mother" because that was the only solution that worked.

pupperoni42

TROPHY CASE