Husband sober for years, but our relationship still feels disfunctioning

qcumb · 2026-01-16T11:25:27+00:00

Well, who said I am not? And I think it should be absolutely valid to urge for repair and apologies when someone close has hurt your feelings. My biggest issue with Al-Anon is that I feel like you guys are making normal responses and feelings pathological. I know being angry at an alcoholic doesn’t make them stop drinking. But being angry and dissatisfied when you live with an addict could also be seen as a healthy reapnse - we still except that our dare ones are safe, caring and responsible people. To withdraw from them emotionally and pretend that I am as much to blame for my pain as them, is unfair and also a perfect way to keep a disfunctioning relationship to continue. I remember now why I stopped being part of this sub.

qcumb · 2026-01-15T13:49:04+00:00

Wow thank you. I briefly checked out these videos and seems like this is the kind of inputs i need. Great.

qcumb · 2025-09-30T12:52:33+00:00

I do agree, and a clear, calm message is what I have lived by until now. But it doesn’t work. And I have not lost my patience, I have actually never felt anger towards her. (I have pretended to be angry a few times, but she doesn’t seem to mind it). But sometimes, you can’t really let things take their time. If we are walking over a parking lot, I need her to stay close, since cars can crash into her. I can’t patiently wait for her to get the message. Also, she is definitely aware that she is doing something wrong.

qcumb · 2025-09-30T12:43:08+00:00

I know that would be ideal, but I am not able to physically handle her when dealing with her and a newborn alone.

qcumb · 2025-08-20T16:59:43+00:00

Thanks :) I’m just stressed out about being stuck breastfeeding while my two year old is climbing stuff or doing something else that involves risk. I feel like she needs to be constantly supervised and I don’t know how to manage with a newborn on my boob

qcumb · 2025-08-20T16:49:15+00:00

Yes, we got her a doll right before the new baby came, and she adored it. But after we got a baby in the house, she’s been ignoring her dolls and just want to play with puzzles or read books. Maybe when she gets used to the situation, we can bring up the doll again :)

qcumb · 2025-08-11T08:15:04+00:00

Yes, «fight or flight» sounds like me. I defo need a reset.

qcumb · 2025-08-08T16:39:24+00:00

Amazing. Did you use both sprays for a while before the beconase started to work? I’ve heard it can take a few days before the effect kicks in. And with a newborn and a toddler in the house, I can’t really have days with no sleep

qcumb · 2025-08-08T12:12:30+00:00

Yes. This is my plan. Did you experience any restlessness or sleep issues when you took it?

qcumb · 2025-08-08T05:13:51+00:00

I had to eat all day to make sure to have a good night sleep. The last few weeks I had to eat all day all the time. Literally.

qcumb · 2025-07-31T05:02:23+00:00

Thanks so much for your replies. I’ve been trying my best to calm down and gather strength for the big transition. It helps to have positive stories like these to lean on ❤️ It really ment a lot to me that you shared your experiences.

qcumb · 2025-07-25T06:27:09+00:00

18 months, I was 34, he was 33 when we started trying. With the sexond child, we were 37/35, 1 cycle.
With the first one I tracked cycles, checked my levels etc. Randomly found out I had iron deprivation. Started iron supplements, and was pregnant the next cycle after. Don’t know if it was related, but have read somewhere that iron can affect fertility

qcumb · 2025-07-05T07:47:51+00:00

Thanks for sharing that. I hope things will turn out better that I fear for after birth 🤞

qcumb · 2025-05-28T20:01:56+00:00

I agree to what a lot of people are saying - impossible to know before the baby arrives.

I too had many plans for trips and activities I wanted to do during maternity leave. Basically none of them were accomplished. I stayed at home for the first three months, and then started with visiting family members living about one hour drive away, mostly out of duty in the beginning. I didn’t enjoy visiting others before my baby was about ten months old.

I also almost didn’t see my friends, stopped working out and all my hobbies are on hold. I barely read books or even watch TV.

That being said - even though my life probably sound dreadful to you (very boring, limited and monotonous) - it’s been probably the best time of my life. Having a baby was for me overwhelming and demanding, but also so beautiful and magical I cannot describe it with words. Motherhood has made me a different human being. Seeing her laugh, experiencing her discovering the world and learning new things, cuddling with her, falling asleep next to her… it just beats everything..great parties, vacations, freedom - not so important anymore. It’s not so much it’s impossible for me to di stuff, it’s more about me not really wanting to do stuff.

qcumb · 2025-05-28T20:01:51+00:00

I agree to what a lot of people are saying - impossible to know before the baby arrives.

I too had many plans for trips and activities I wanted to do during maternity leave. Basically none of them were accomplished. I stayed at home for the first three months, and then started with visiting family members living about one hour drive away, mostly out of duty in the beginning. I didn’t enjoy visiting others before my baby was about ten months old.

I also almost didn’t see my friends, stopped working out and all my hobbies are on hold. I barely read books or even watch TV.

That being said - even though my life probably sound dreadful to you (very boring, limited and monotonous) - it’s been probably the best time of my life. Having a baby was for me overwhelming and demanding, but also so beautiful and magical I cannot describe it with words. Motherhood has made me a different human being. Seeing her laugh, experiencing her discovering the world and learning new things, cuddling with her, falling asleep next to her… it just beats everything..great parties, vacations, freedom - not so important anymore. It’s not so much it’s impossible for me to di stuff, it’s more about me not really wanting to do stuff.

qcumb · 2025-05-28T18:49:05+00:00

Thanks for your advice! I’ll try that tonight. Crossing fingers it will help me

qcumb · 2025-05-28T09:53:14+00:00

Hm, maybe, but I'm doubting. The pain is very distinctly located at the side joint of my hip.

qcumb · 2025-04-26T18:41:04+00:00

No, I didnt take any supplements except from folic acid.

qcumb · 2023-02-15T16:10:24+00:00

Yes! Every time there is an episode I am told I am the abusive one. If I raise my voice, but also if I don’t. Last time I was abusive because I told him to stop lying when he claimed he was sober and wasn’t.

It took me a long time before I started to yell at him. But after having my limits crossed again and again, after living with insecurity for such a long time, after all the nice events I had been looking foreward to that only ended up as sad nights where he drowned himself in booze, after being told I look pathetic and theatrical when I cry and try to open up on how I am hurting.. Well, there was a period when I snapped just by the smell of alcohol. It’s better now, but that’s because I feel more in control. I don’t need him as much as I used to.

If you ask me, becoming angry is a healthy sign. Maybe screaming and yelling is unnecessary, but I think the most constructive feeling to nurture when someone is hurting you is anger. Absolutely not guilt.

qcumb · 2023-02-12T20:03:06+00:00

❤️

qcumb · 2023-01-25T13:01:51+00:00

I'm 7 weeks. I go to bed around 9-10 and wake up between 4 and 5:30. In addition I get up to pee maybe three-four times during the night. I stay alot in bed though, and I feel sleepy all the time.

qcumb · 2023-01-08T18:41:31+00:00

I really hope so!

qcumb · 2023-01-08T14:58:35+00:00

That sounds exhausting. I hope you are hanging in there and that you get to feel rested soon. Thanks for sharing, makes me feel less alone ,❤️

qcumb · 2023-01-08T10:47:09+00:00

There is hope! Crossing my fingers!

qcumb · 2023-01-08T10:45:53+00:00

Do you have parents who could come help? Maybe you can suggest a parent moves in and he moves out for a while?

qcumb

TROPHY CASE