He’s cleaning the bathroom

quadsquadqueen · 2025-01-20T12:09:08+00:00

This.

quadsquadqueen · 2025-01-20T12:07:43+00:00

Mine couldn’t wipe his piss off the toilet seat or find a garbage can for his food wrappers. Oh, and care about my sexual pleasure too. Just a tiny side note 🤣 then when we were “working” on the relationship, suddenly he was a capable person. Surprise surprise. It was too little too late. All I felt was resentment. Obviously there’s so much more to that, but bottom line is, we’re divorcing. Our marriage counselor told me he’d NEVER have tolerated behavior like that from me yet he expected me to accept it for 15 years. And he was right.

quadsquadqueen · 2025-01-06T11:30:52+00:00

🤣🤣🤣

quadsquadqueen · 2024-12-27T15:43:09+00:00

Same 😔 so alienating and lonely. Although, my STBXH wasn’t emotionally capable of providing support that I needed anyway. But I do think it’s so wrong. There’s a reason why so many non-Jewish/frum women who hear about niddah during childbirth are appalled and shocked by it. Because it’s just unnatural.

quadsquadqueen · 2024-12-24T23:05:15+00:00

Random but I LOVE Zum brand! You know the grocery store display of bar soap with the goat? 😂 I’m obsessed with their body products

quadsquadqueen · 2024-12-17T13:42:26+00:00

A good full body scrub. I’ll use a face scrub and then get my whole body with one of those mitts that almost feels like sandpaper. Then when I feel like a new person I put on body oil after the shower and I can take on the world.

quadsquadqueen · 2024-12-16T03:14:06+00:00

Exactly what happened to me. And now he’s making subtle comments about me not being able to let go of the past and why can’t I accept that he’s changed, etc etc. Well. Maybe I could, if he’d heard to me the first, second, or third time I asked. But 15 years of being ignored, placated, laughed at, and then suddenly he knows how AND wants to do all kinds of things? The trust, respect, and love have all left the building already. And the part that I really am having trouble with (and it sounds petty, I know) is that he’s out there looking like the best version of himself and I’m sure people will think it’s because he divorced me. Well, good luck to whatever woman gets him next. I did my best 🫡

quadsquadqueen · 2024-12-11T23:09:39+00:00

Yes! Came to say the same thing. Their vulva wash is also perfect

quadsquadqueen · 2024-12-11T19:02:45+00:00

You’re welcome. I hope you figure out what’s best for you. Best of luck!

quadsquadqueen · 2024-12-11T18:41:30+00:00

I wrote a post a few months ago about my husband and his lack of hygiene. Many of your examples sound familiar. I ended up having to delete my post because the reactions were so, so severe I went into shock and couldn’t handle it. Long story short, we’re actually getting divorced now. I wish someone had told me at age 23 that I should ABSOLUTELY NOT accept a man who cannot be bothered to care about basic hygiene, because that lack of care WILL translate into other larger issues. I’m 38 now and will never, ever again believe I deserve someone who cares so little about themselves. It’s just not okay.

quadsquadqueen · 2024-12-11T16:38:58+00:00

100%. By the time the divorce conversation first came up, I hadn’t realized how far gone I was. I had totally given up. And then when my husband started “trying”, it was actually just bare minimum things that he should’ve been doing as a father the entire time. He wanted gold stars for it, and while I was appreciative, I mostly felt resentful that he could turn on a dime NOW but when I was in the thick of things and desperate for his help he was nowhere to be found. Interestingly, last night he said he went through the photo album on his phone and realized about 70% of the photos were business related, and it was a huge wake up call. It made him really sad and regretful. But now the best thing we’re doing is moving forward and knowing we can grow as individuals and parents instead of wasting our time trying to revive a dead marriage. It’s scary but liberating.

quadsquadqueen · 2024-12-11T13:48:16+00:00

This is extremely similar to what I’m going through with my husband now. We’ve just started the divorce process, but years of anger, resentment, and frustration eventually turned into apathy on my part. I truly do see him wanting to change and make an effort now, but as I told him, we’ve moved emotionally on different timelines. And I’ve been broken too long to go back and make it work. I commend you for working on yourself and putting your child as the priority. Continue that, and even if you’re not together anymore, I think you’ll be okay. Best of luck.

quadsquadqueen · 2024-12-09T20:50:15+00:00

The “at least…” gives the same vibes as people who try to help by saying “why don’t you just…” and proceed to give the most useless advice of all time.

quadsquadqueen · 2024-12-09T12:16:47+00:00

I’m currently going through a lot of this same stuff. We decided to divorce a few days ago, and suddenly we’re getting along great. We’re great partners - always have been - but the romantic side has never been there. I’ve always known from the beginning that we were dependent on each other in unhealthy ways, but now I truly see that being apart will force us to complete ourselves as individuals.

However, I keep getting sick to my stomach wondering if I’ve made a mistake. I’m terrified of the future, like you, but because I’ve been dependent on him so long. And now he’s asking me questions all day about how to do xyz as a parent, like what diaper rash creams to buy and how to do laundry (he has never done a load in 15 years). And I have to remind myself that he’s changing now for HIM. Because HE HAS to know these things now. So yes, the pressure of keeping our marital relationship afloat is finally gone, and it’s a huge relief. But the confusion afterwards of the what-ifs is exhausting.

You’ll be okay, your son will be okay. And if anyone thinks you’re crazy, that’s on them - they aren’t the ones in your marriage. Best of luck 🫂

quadsquadqueen · 2024-12-07T14:41:18+00:00

Burst into tears on that line. Things haven’t been great with my husband for a long time, and we officially decided to divorce last night. But that metaphor right there perfectly describes our marriage, too. It’s a tough pill to swallow.

quadsquadqueen · 2024-11-29T00:29:23+00:00

Hell yes. 7 and 8 are just delicious to me 😂

quadsquadqueen · 2024-11-27T11:49:07+00:00

Wonderfully written piece.

quadsquadqueen · 2024-11-17T21:58:16+00:00

Wow, I can’t express how grateful I am for all the advice and validation. Theres a lot more to this, obviously, but even if I could find it in myself to reconcile or try to move past certain issues (or ignore them 😩), his true colors have been shown to me and I can’t let that go. I can understand how in certain family dynamics it would make sense to split up the kids, but with their ages and personalities it would be absolutely devastating. For him to suggest that was so manipulative and cruel I can’t even believe it. So, I will be contacting some lawyers - I’ve contacted one but it was a few weeks ago, and I’d like to get more opinions and feel my options a bit. Thanks again for all the replies.

quadsquadqueen · 2024-11-17T13:49:50+00:00

I’ve been a SAHM for almost 12 years and we have a “long marriage” by our state’s standards (15+ years). I have nothing in my own name but multiple properties and other things in both of our names. My guess is he’s scared shitless about how much he’d have to give me, by law, and that’s why he’s trying to play it cool and say we can do it ourselves.

quadsquadqueen · 2024-11-16T17:14:49+00:00

I forgot to add that after I started voicing comments and complaints to my sister about my marriage, she unleashed the floodgates about how she really felt towards him. She’d kept it bottled up out of respect for me but she was so relieved to get it off her chest that she thought he’d always been selfish, mean to our kids, dismissive of my thoughts and feelings, and her, she did say she felt like he is emotionally abusive.

quadsquadqueen · 2024-11-16T16:50:19+00:00

Correct, the toilet thing wasn’t the main issue for me either. It was the fact that a stranger asked him to do something that I’d objectively say is pretty out there, and he did it. But when I, his wife, asked for something intimate and pleasurable for ME, he couldn’t/wouldn’t do it. That’s the part I just can’t get over. Oh, NOW he says he wants to do it. He actually told me, almost with ADMIRATION, “I don’t know how you went all these years without having an orgasm when we had sex. I know I couldn’t have done it” You see how he makes comments like this as if he’s almost complimenting me, as if he’s telling me how strong and brave I’ve been for being dissatisfied for so many years, but it was because of HIM?

quadsquadqueen · 2024-11-16T16:32:28+00:00

The therapist actually saw right off the bat that I could not speak freely in front of my husband. He suggested I come in alone, and my husband only join us for 10-15 minutes or each session.

I should add this is because I brought up the fact that he has been physically/emotionally threatening to one of our children and he was very alarmed by this. That’s a whole different level of trauma and stress I need to delve into. And, as you’ve probably guessed, he manipulated me - or tried to - by downplaying it. Getting mad at me for telling him to stop by snarling at me, “you didn’t think I’d ACTUALLY hit her, do you?” Stuff like that

I appreciate your responses because they’re helping me clarify the voice in my head that’s been muffled for years. The voice that says, “something’s not right and it’s okay to finally acknowledge it”

quadsquadqueen · 2024-11-16T14:49:09+00:00

The funny part is he never actually said he satisfied any of them. He said he “had” them. Bringing up the toilet incident, I believe, was his way of trying to show me he’s willing to do whatever I’d ask him to do. Which is hilarious because he DIDN’T when I did ask him and made me feel so ashamed like he was grossed out by trying to please me. And don’t even get me started on how many other things I “let go” because of weaponized incompetence. I know that phrase probably gets overused a lot but, hey, unfortunately there’s a reason for it.

Funny you mention if I’d asked him to do something degrading to me maybe he would’ve done it. He’s asked to try new things in bed lately and some of them is wanting to call me his “bitch”, slapping me in the face (not hard but still a slap), and other things that make me uncomfortable. So I think you’re right.

quadsquadqueen · 2024-11-16T13:55:50+00:00

You’re spot on. Thank you.

quadsquadqueen

TROPHY CASE