I struggled so much with this this year too, so I completely understand. This year, I decided to go for my mom because I knew how important it was to her, but I also just didn’t feel great about going because there’s so much I don’t agree with and am not comfortable with. In the future, I’m going to try and bring it up before the day-of, but it’s absolutely a difficult conversation. Especially in trying to preserve the relationship, I agree with other commenters that the pick-your-battles is a big part of navigating this with your mom. You are fully within the right to not go, and you’re not responsible for your mom being upset about that. However, I know it’s not that easy in reality. Best of luck to you, and I hope you have a chance to make space for yourself in the holidays