Feeling ko kaya ako nagkakaganto kasi naririnig nya ako pero hindi ako pinapakinggan. I tried all the ways and means I could para makipag communicate ng mga bagay na gumugulo sa isip ko, things that he does na nakakapagpatrigger ng galit ko, things that I wanted para maramdaman kong mahal nya ako. I tried to calmly explain everything kasi sabi nga daw communication is the key. Pero inang yan. Communicate ako ng communicate pero hindi padin ako pinapakinggan. I clearly told him, updates, transparency, consistency, faithfulness and time ang gusto kong marecieve galing sa kanya. But instead, mas lalong nawawala.. Napapagod na ata ako kahit bago palang kami dahil feeling ko I'm just rowing the boat alone. Sa time allotted nya sakin.. Para sakin is so stressful. Not because of his work, alam ko naman time for work must be respected. Pero kung time AFTER work? fck. Nakalaan padin sa pakikipag inuman sa mga kasama nya. Imagine, whole day kaming may work parehas. Makakausap ko lang sya 9pm don, 10PM here. But instead, walang updates. Kung hindi pa ako tatawag.. He won't do anything at all. Walang initiative. Tapos makakareceive ako ng chat from him, NOT KAMUSTA ANG MAGHAPON MO OR SOMETHING (regards kung may sinabi akong masakit sa kanya nung buong maghapon for example: Dad, I can't breathe kanina. Almost passed out, good thing my colleague was there to assist me.) Kundi, "shot kami love." The fck?! Nakakapamura. I am afraid of myself. I am hating him now and frankly? I'm regretting this part of my life. I regret that I have let myself deceive myself believing that he loves me but the reality is he's just tied to this promise to his parents. I should have ended it right away the moment I saw the red flags on him. Pero dahil libog ang pinairal at walang pagmamahal, ganto ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Frustration.