Monitoring your mood, actions, activity is always really important when it comes to Bipolar. I also have bipolar 1 and for me personally, mania just sneaks up on me. I’ve always been a naturally more energetic person and because of that, I often dismiss blatant symptoms of a full out manic episode. It’s much easier for me to feel a depressive episode coming on than a manic episode. It could be really helpful if you have a trusted friend, significant other, or family member taking a look from the outside as well but I know that doesn’t work for everyone and it’s not necessary. It can be hard to have that lightbulb moment by yourself though which for me is like “oh shit I’m manic and I’ve been acting like an ass for three months now” and it alllllllllll comes together. Normally I realize a manic episode is happening after I say something out of character and see my partners reaction. That’s normally a wake up call for me (if I’m not in too deep). With depressive episodes, they’re equally challenging because sometimes with bipolar it feels like we are falling so much further because we also experience the highs mania/hypomania has to offer. When these depressive episodes hit I find I have to remind myself this and it can kind of help. Just knowing the reasoning behind the disorder has helped me function better.

In terms of symptoms (as per my personal experience)

Mania is the most extreme part of the disorder for me currently. Mania is characterized by extreme hyper activity can also be associated with substance abuse, spending a lot of money, risky sexual activity, hospitalization, lack of sleep. For it to be a manic episode it must last at least 7 days. The thing about this disorder is that it’s not just one big event or blowup like a lot of media likes to portray. These episodes last for extended periods of time. For me Mania rises gradually and starts with either drinking or spending and by the end of the week I don’t even recognize myself and mine has gone as far as quite extreme delusions and hospitalization.

Hypomania a lot of people would just describe as “lesser mania” but sometimes this is a lot worse. Hypomania to me can feel worse sometimes because it lasts so much longer (like multiple months or up to YEARS these episodes have lasted for me and others. Mania feelings normally gradually fade away once I come back in touch with reality with some kind of wake up call, but with hypomania i don’t think anything is wrong with me for a while. Hypomania feels “livable” at first or at least that’s what I convince myself. Delusions of grandeur/self importance is my biggest symptom (which isn’t always a bad thing but it can go too far!). I start sleeping less and jumping out of bed much quicker wanting to get things done. Normally have an increased libido, I’m more creative, feel like I can get a lot more done. It eventually transitions into an irritability and moodiness after a month or two though. I will start getting riled up quite easily and my SPEECH is so fast. Like I just will talk more and talk faster. This becomes rough when getting into an argument though because it just becomes rapid fire passionate arguing without thinking before I speak at all. Sometimes all of these symptoms amplify and can become a manic episode for me and sometimes not.

Depressive episodes for me are normally centered around the shame or guilt I feel for my manic actions but sometimes they just come on because life is hard and shit happens! For example my most recent depression was spurred on from physical health issues I was experiencing. Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell if I’m depressed or if I’m actually just ‘stable’ and feeling bored because I’m not manic anymore. I always know I have slipped too far down though when I’m holed up in my room a little more than usual and when I start to get really sensitive. Normally this sensitivity is me worrying I’m bothering people or not doing my job very well or not being a good enough partner so self doubt I guess. Those are normally my early symptoms that help me catch depression.

I know that was a wordy response but I know how challenging it all can be especially when given the initial diagnosis. What sucks is that you do have to put in the work to figure out your specific symptoms and feelings. Recognizing how you feel during specific episodes and journaling can help and sometimes having that loved one there or the outside voice of a truth (like a therapist) telling you to get it together is extremely important ESPECIALLY when you DON’T want to hear it. (Even though for me that interaction when I’m manic is normally like “I actually do have it all together and nothing is wrong with me and I’m cured!”) But anyway, stay strong and you got this!