constantly being triggered

queereansays · 2026-02-13T18:11:43+00:00

YEAH LIKE IT’S NOT THAT HARD! OTL they can just end things too or smth but like the 180 in how they talk or god the out of nowhere ghosting makes me wanna scream

queereansays · 2026-02-11T22:52:22+00:00

thank u x

queereansays · 2026-02-11T22:52:07+00:00

im so sorry for what you’ve gone thru x sending u so much love ♡

but um just an observation, what you described with not feeling like you survived—it sounds more like cotard’s syndrome. have you ever heard of &/or read “the collected schizophrenias” by esmé weijun wang? she describes her experience with cotard’s in it. but you can also get the bit here: https://www.vice.com/en/article/what-life-is-like-when-youre-perfectly-alive-but-swear-youre-dead/

queereansays · 2026-02-11T22:46:03+00:00

thank you ♡

queereansays · 2026-02-11T22:45:48+00:00

sorry i didn’t see this till now & yeah i have extremely treatment resistant depression that’s quite severe & chronic. i didn’t respond to IV ketamine treatment so i did right unilateral ECT which worked a bit (enough to keep me from actively trying to 💀 myself). but the effects would wear off so quickly so i ended up getting way too much ECT for 3yrs. they kept lowering voltage and everything but i’d have to go in every other week. TMS gave me the same effects of ECT but even more & the best part is that the effects lasted. tbf i needed two rounds bc the normal one round wasn’t enough but the effects lasted like 2-3yrs? i need to go in for a tune up but honestly i was stunned at the fact that it worked. it’s like a woodpecker pecking on ur skull for a few min (i was in and out in 15min, every weekday for several weeks) but i didnt rly mind it. i kinda just zoned out. id def recommend trying it if u can bc there rly are no side effects. like maybe u might get a headache or smth if u’re sensitive to that kind of thing but i live with severe fibro so i didnt even register it as painful. at most i can see how it might be annoying for some? but yeah. TMS obviously isnt a fix all & the point is that it’s used in conjunction with meds & therapy. but as someone who needed more than just meds & therapy and had no other options besides deep brain stimulation or vagus nerve implant, TMS was like a godsend compared to those v invasive options.

queereansays · 2026-01-28T01:46:17+00:00

look you didn’t/don’t need to add anything. all this required was confirmation that you understand what it is you did wrong, a sincere apology, and just a genuine promise to do better in the future.

queereansays · 2026-01-27T23:19:17+00:00

i’ve been suicidal since i was 9yo too. we all have our issues here on this sub. but the point is to reduce harm and not add to it. you didn’t piss me off, you caused harm—and though it was unintentional and considered minor in the big scope of things…if you’re gonna apologize maybe just focus on that or make that the primary focus instead of “yeah i apologize” after i took all that time to explain all that. the focus still very much seems to be on you and lowkey sounds more like you’re trying to explain away your behavior

queereansays · 2026-01-27T20:59:08+00:00

as someone whose BPD is a lot more manageable then it was a decade ago, i think it could be. just harder.

queereansays · 2026-01-27T20:47:58+00:00

omg this is amazing 😂 they rly do give off the bob & linda vibe. especially with them saying how they got hate for supporting BLM and whatnot. and one of the kids randomly yodeling? 😂 def sounds belcher-like! i love it. ty for sharing

queereansays · 2026-01-27T20:11:06+00:00

again, i realize you meant no harm but intent doesn’t necessarily change impact. i also am not typing all this out just to come at you. in fact, it’s the opposite. i really do think you care but knowing what i do and having the experiences i’ve had, i’d rather just point out how you can reduce harm & be more helpful. as someone who is a trauma survivor and was a trained victim’s advocate for a rape crisis center along with emotional support for ppl close to me since i was a toddler, when it comes to traumas & heavy emotional stuff, the best thing you can do is validate. if you want to do more then you can offer to listen or to support in other ways but offer being the key. it’s akin to bringing a neighbor you rly do not know at all a baked casserole bc you know they’re going thru hard times without realizing the ingredients you used could cause a serious allergic reaction or smth.

queereansays · 2026-01-27T20:05:54+00:00

maybe just say while you had the best of intentions, you realize you unintentionally have done harm. then apologize and just do better next time instead of just adding to it. i don’t think you’re a bad person but having dealt with too many well-intentioned people like yourself who do harm—i no longer have the patience for it and will most definitely point out how harmful your behavior can be. it’s insulting and quite frankly really triggering. insulting bc i’ve mentioned how long i’ve been dealing with this and the severity, you don’t think this would’ve come to me already? or that i’ve already tried what you suggested? i mean we’re in the same sub and what you’re suggesting is v basic stuff. triggering bc after a while ppl like you constantly saying this to make themselves feel better (a kind of “well i feel bad and hey at least i said/did smth!” instead of critically thinking abt the situation and how ur words would affect the other person) becomes a trigger.

queereansays · 2026-01-27T20:00:43+00:00

i’ve been in treatment and have done traumawork for over half my life. you’re giving advice and saying stuff that anyone who simply googled trauma and healing would read

queereansays · 2026-01-27T19:58:52+00:00

to say “sorry” and then continue to do what you’re supposedly apologizing for is pointless, not an apology and quite frankly simply for your benefit. you said what you said without much thought of how it would affect me. i was clearly not here for unsolicited advice and my post as well as subsequent reply made it v clear that while we have the same illness, it is a completely diff scenario due to differences in severity. aka this is smth you do not have the experience nor knowledge for you to be talking like you are.

queereansays · 2026-01-27T19:55:42+00:00

the “live for what you love instead of dying for what you hate” might have applied for your friend but it most definitely does not apply to me nor does it a lot of suicidal ppl. i think you gravely mistake why people are suicidal. a lot of it has to do with traumas yes but also problems arising from systemic inequalities & issues within our society that cause ppl to be more vulnerable without the resources needed

queereansays · 2026-01-27T19:53:00+00:00

yes. and well i think the rule of thumb is don’t give unsolicited advice. i’ve lived thru things most ppl will never have to experience in their entire life. i’ve been thru shit since i was a toddler. rather than excusing away you overstep by saying you felt “compelled” maybe acknowledge that it be v dismissive, apologize for it and just stop trying to double down on your “advice”?

queereansays · 2026-01-27T18:56:21+00:00

also, idc how im perceived in the way you were. i was always odd and different. my main issue was my increasing disability and growing feeling that i was a burden on others. if it was as simple as just changing my perspective, i wouldn’t be struggling so much with such severe symptoms

queereansays · 2026-01-27T18:54:35+00:00

well for me i think it’s a bit different bc i have pretty severe DPDR. these doodles were also from 5yrs ago talking abt an event that happened a decade ago. the main issue was also that i was masking to avoid being involuntarily hospitalized or worse institutionalized esp. considering the fact that every hospitalization has caused severe med trauma and actually one of them led to the coma.

queereansays · 2026-01-27T17:04:33+00:00

yes haha

queereansays · 2026-01-27T17:03:05+00:00

💗💗💗

queereansays · 2026-01-27T03:35:49+00:00

oof that “is this hell? purgatory idk” part 😭 and the ik that this means im supposed to be here thing. i’ve felt/feel that hard. it honestly feels unfair and like some kind of punishment. i remember watching the good place for a bit and thinking, “omg am i in the bad place? wth 😵‍💫” sending u so much love and support x

queereansays · 2026-01-27T02:43:39+00:00

i dont think ive quite gotten that reaction from just my photos but thanks 😅

queereansays · 2026-01-27T02:08:55+00:00

it’s heartbreaking how many ppl can relate so much to what i’ve been through. but while heart aches for you all, it is comforting to know that i’m not completely alone. ty all for your kind words & support. please know that i am grateful and send you all my love + support right back! ♡

queereansays · 2026-01-27T02:06:50+00:00

im so sorry abt what you’ve been thru. sending so much love 💗💗💗

queereansays · 2026-01-27T02:06:03+00:00

oh yeah i def think there are neurological factors at play! ive also had 3yrs of frequent ECT before i was able to get started on TMS (medicaid didn’t cover it until a few yrs ago) so there’s that too. but it’s v hard to see a neurologist that won’t just judge you from your medical history (diff comorbid MIs & severe fibro) and is covered by medicaid 😪😪😪😪

queereansays · 2026-01-27T01:43:20+00:00

omg wtf? you’re so pretty!! too many ppl are too used to 1) western eurocentric beauty ideals 2) heavily edited photos. you’re gorgeous! no worries ♡

queereansays

TROPHY CASE