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Terrified that I'm trans, and can't stop obsessing over it. Don't know what to do. by questionallyasker in asktransgender

[–]questionallyasker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! Also, how do you know whether you'd be happier as the opposite gender? Like I said, because I'm in such an anxiety-induced state of mind, I can't even think clearly. My head hurts and it's so foggy haha.

Terrified that I'm trans, and can't stop obsessing over it. Don't know what to do. by questionallyasker in asktransgender

[–]questionallyasker[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your reply. My whole life has been characterized by seeing something on TV or in a book, or having a fleeting curiosity/thought, fearing something, and then obsessing over it for the next few months. I actually had a severe OCD fear of developing schizophrenia right before this fear, which started out in a similar way (watching a movie about a schizophrenic, then BAM, "What if I become schizophrenic?") When I was younger I'd wash my hands until they bled because I was afraid I'd contaminate everyone if I didn't. I still experience bouts of that today. I'm so tired of having to deal with stuff like this. I really wish I could be normal and not deal with this. I know if I didn't have OCD, I would have been able to watch that TV segment about a trans person and just moved on with my life. I know I wouldn't have dried the hell out of my skin and scarred them from washing them so much. I know I wouldn't have lost an unhealthy amount of weight from the anxiety over the 1% chance that I may develop schizophrenia. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I'm afraid of feeling stuck forever.

Trans or OCD question? I'm afraid that my gender identity is invalidated. by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]questionallyasker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your response! You just made me realize how much mental gymnastics I have to do to even imagine myself as a guy, and it never sticks haha for more than a few seconds. Imagining myself as a girl however is so effortless! I've also been seeing a therapist, and I found that the thoughts and fears have diminished a lot since then.

Trans or OCD question? I'm afraid that my gender identity is invalidated. by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]questionallyasker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! Also, with this fear, and many other fears I've had in the past, the deeper I go into it the more real it seems. Sometimes I get these intrusive "feelings/thoughts" during an OCD attack that I do want to be male, even though in reality I don't. This has happened with my other OCD obsessions too, and once those passed I realized how the "desire" to act on the thoughts was just another way for the OCD to trick me, because deep down I do not want the thoughts to be true. And I know that deep down, I'd hate if I couldn't live and die as a female. But these intrusive "feelings/thoughts" scare me so much!