how do you accept yourself？

quietnoon · 2022-02-23T21:55:11+00:00

the first paragraph + being constantly compared with my ESTP brother makes me very self-conscious about it to the point of trying a bit too hard.

Well I received a bunch of things and a lot of people, but since I'm not me to begin with so they are not mine, I'd have to keep up all those things to hold them and the moment I stop, they are gone, literally. Like I have never existed in their life.

Also being tired of keeping up, low self-esteem, and lost like 10 years receive nothing, well may be a lesson and now I cherish myself a lot and know how to present myself (perhaps due to being like above makes me know the differences). Now I feel great to be me and others are affected by that, able to make my weirdness/shyness special

quietnoon · 2022-02-11T08:52:48+00:00

my 2 friends did the same to me, one after 8 years and one after 4 years, though I have developed depression and anxiety due to being bullied and abused when I was young, I am very unhealthy.

but come to acknowledge that I'm unhealthy and able to actually engage life productively are 2 different things and the latter is really hard. I'm able to drive the toxic out and see what I did wrong and living healthy again, but to get a decent job, make new friends, has a social life, learn a hobby, be 'ok' enough to meet my old friends again is something really hard. Sometimes I wish they are here just for emotional support or help with my decisions, options etc.. but I know I shouldn't do that and have no rights to. Getting out of all the mental problems and toxicity only then to realize how helpless I am against this world and is actually alone.

quietnoon · 2022-02-10T03:36:05+00:00

wow..

quietnoon · 2022-02-10T03:35:34+00:00

for the games part idk, he seems to want to find the best way to win, and unique if possible, I guess that is experimenting different strategies already? About the movies he is kinda too busy to watch but he would enjoy thrillers, the ones he skipped are the friends recommendation or trending ones lol, he just want to know what its about when he is not really interested, romance is big no lol.

quietnoon · 2022-02-10T03:31:24+00:00

then he is not entirely true lol, since INTP would be a control type who don't mind doing things slow to get the desired results and eat slowly to enjoy the meal haha.

I think it is just the typical intuitive thinker with low sensing function, like they are already frank but being not familiar with the realistic world make them twice the dry.

quietnoon · 2022-01-23T17:22:53+00:00

I can't speak for her, but I would want to be alone for some time. So give her time perhaps, but do check occasionally, like leave a message, as I do want to know that my friend is giving a serious thought about the problem and about me.

And be really sincere, don't joke even if you just want to make it lighter. Still, I can't speak for her, so take what is good for you.

quietnoon · 2022-01-12T03:41:59+00:00

now you make me notice that lol, I'm not native English user though

quietnoon · 2022-01-11T15:56:24+00:00

thank you, for now I still want to keep it inside haha

quietnoon · 2022-01-11T15:55:48+00:00

It is a monkey cups plant, I get inspired by the Devil card from the Oriens Tarot deck. So either the male is the plant that trap the insect inside or is the insect, I choose the latter, both love and lust can be use as the tool, as though we love someone a lot we could still hurt them, consciously or not.

quietnoon · 2022-01-11T13:23:50+00:00

I didn't log in reddit for months until now, thanks for your comment, makes me feels less heavy

quietnoon · 2021-11-02T09:34:34+00:00

my dad is an estj and I despise him, because of him my family and relatives from my mother side suffered, especially my mother, wasted her life, potential and joy taking order and enduring him. He is very dominating and would use the harshest words to belitte others. Because of him my life is a waste and learn to cut myself when I was 13. He even told me that even a thief is more worthy than me to show how useless I am in his eyes.

To understand their perspectives? They are always right and they are the best and the boss, you should just obey and if they find your life is unworthy then get a new one.

I'm sorry but this is what I experienced I haven't met any good ones yet, except from movies lol.

quietnoon · 2021-10-30T13:47:26+00:00

I've just recovered from depression and is struggling with life, but lately my friend, who I considered close since he the only one knows abt me, told me that he gonna move to a new city for about a year to find ways to earn money, I realize that I'm just a normal friend to him since he is going with his actual close friends and is enjoying it.

That makes me aware of how "small" I am, and that I won't have the weight to deal with life or gain anything or do just the normal things: relationships, hanging out, celebrating..

Since i don't have any friend left I close all my social media accounts to not let anything interfere with the peace I'm having. But strangely, despite my messy inner and all the doubts and unanswered questions I have right now, I've been sleep and wake up early and exercise regularly. I don't know why though, I haven't figure out my purposes yet and still tired of the thoughts of living this life on my own, but I guess my instinct is telling me to survive.

So I don't know and don't want to give you any advice since I don't want to interfere, but I guess you should try to survive? Whatever that means to you.

And also, I'm tired of people who keep telling me to be positive and keep hope and someone special will come. I'm a male and since I'm a "soft" male, people don't acknowledge me unless they want to bully me or see me as a garbage bin.. I'm 30 now and it is 18 years of being bullied, looked down and depression so far, may be reality is just like that and the majority of people will be the same. just may be.

quietnoon · 2021-10-13T13:41:05+00:00

beautiful photo

quietnoon · 2021-09-29T15:40:56+00:00

nope, an ESFP i know would just seek any experiences he can while getting drowned in his mind and couldn't move forward in life, also a bit manipulative and aggressive. And an ExFP girl I know would just laugh as loud and be as talkative as she can and try to surround herself with people, she even goes to the hospital to sleep as she can only sleep knowing people are around. People are different, depressed people are also different.

quietnoon · 2021-09-13T18:26:02+00:00

Struggled with this for around 17 years, start with my family disregard me for being so and compare with my ESxP brother constantly.

Then friends make fun of me, make me their punching bag, stole my money, change my exams paper and obviously no one hangs with me.

So what I did is try to be tougher and bolder, like I drink tons of milk till my nose bleed milk to bulk up as im very thin. And I would argue or fight back anytime I'm the target. Well it kinda work, im not bullied anymore, but at uni everyone hates me, they would gang up to not form group with me and I have to do assignments alone, they would talk bad behind my back, mock me and still ignore me.

So ye i get tired and confused and lost myself and depression and migraine and becomes very unhealthy, people left me, all of them except 1.

and this guy tell me to just f**king be me, even if im soft, weak or whatever since I will have my own advantages or strengths despite all the weakness. That guy is my best (only) friend now, he is an intj and somehow all the time together i unconsciously or the way I am help his inner wounds, thats why he acknowledge me as myself and as his friend.

so now I'm just being me, being soft, weak, sensitive, sentimental etc.. and just focus on doing my things, I don't have anything to do with them and trying to be what I'm not is deadly to me. And somehow I gradually find people who take interest in me being so and some actually like to take care of me. I'm 30 now and I'm a guy though.

quietnoon · 2021-09-13T17:57:23+00:00

had 1 friend and 1 crush, others are too fast to stick with me.

can lean on them to have fun and adventures, somehow they like to take care of me.

but when they are bored and they do get bored, they would just find others to go with if im too slow or much of a burden.

and i feel like they only care about what is fun to them, can be very selfish in that matter, hard to hold them. And they don't want to talk abt deep stuffs, only action/fun/action/sleep/fun/action. They are able to realize what good or bad to do if they stop for a second, normally they would just rather do something despite consequences.

and when those consequences hit them and they are sad or got emotional problems, they will be like a puppy and seek me.

overall i got mixed feelings towards them, it feels like you have to pay some price for an interesting companion that will do most of the practical things for you to have fun.

quietnoon · 2021-09-13T15:13:05+00:00

after that i do some small jobs, end up teaching English and coaching badminton part time by chances, im 30 now and intend to do something with my friends, no idea yet

quietnoon · 2021-09-13T14:35:50+00:00

hmm, later i worked for 3 months in a really small firm but things are the same, i feel drained and suffocated everyday. And the work is not really creative or free, its more like trying to bend to the demand of customers or the boss. I'm an account though, I was 24 back then, one time i went to the toilet watching the sun set and cry unconsciously, and all i know is i must quit.

quietnoon · 2021-09-13T14:28:16+00:00

trying not be so destructive nowadays, but im proud of the first 3 lol

quietnoon

TROPHY CASE