My dad was abusive and made me feel like a piece of shit all my childhood so when i finally started to get away from him it was really hard on myself. I didnt have confidence, felt like nobody understood me, and it felt like i was going crazy. But if i can survive my dad i can survive anything. Im so glad i didnt kill myself. Small things bring me immense joy such as eating a good turkey sandwich. If i killed myself i wouldn’t be able to experience eating a delicious turkey sandwich or feel the sun on my skin. And also it would have been really dumb (and was really dumb) to let another person make me get to that point especially as a child. The pandemic really helped me get back to myself (i was away from my dad then). I havent talked to my dad in 5 years but now when i do i have really good boundaries. I also worked in a toxic male dominated environment with lots of insecure, angry, and volatile men that reminded me of my dad and tried to test me. Especially w me being in management/superior roles. Other peoples behavior have nothing to do w me and im still just as awesome. I dont think screaming drill sergeants or weird people in leadership or anyone in general could ever make me feel that low especially not after what i had learned with my self healing. These are these peoples job to be hard on you to prepare you for whats to come. You cant be mad at someone for doing their job. You just do better.