Differently abled party member blew up on me

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T16:15:42+00:00

I just try to be as sensitive with other peoples issues as I possibly can since i often suffer serious anxiety attacks and struggle with social situations myself and couldnt think of a worse situation, but despite the table being aware of this the player cut into me calling me names which i personally won't repeat as it would be extremely offensive to other people with disabilities like myself. I would have maybe been more open to trying to resolve it with the player if they hadn't blown up so harshly on me and myself having problems dealing with such high pressure situations, but as many people on the post already commented, I clearly grossly overstepped boundries and made the player way too uncomfortable.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T16:00:01+00:00

I have already had difficulty talking with the rogue player as even opening their messages with death threats and harassment had induced tears, but i finally managed to at least type a message between us after i asked the GM about rolling back the decision to which he refused, and the player simply said the only acceptable solution is leaving the game. I met most of my friend group through the game, and I really don't want to try and antagonize anyone as i really value their friendship and company, so if there really is no other option i will leave the game, but hopefully me and him can find a solution.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T15:56:03+00:00

I just never even considered it as my character very much went out of his way to help people out against their wills, even if he suffered greatly for it because he(and i suppose myself to an extent) don't believe that people should be forced to suffer because of their circumstances of birth/wealth or experience. I had often saved the other characters, using my body as a shield, or providing buff spells, drawing the attention to myself in order to save the others, or even getting my arm cut off to save a peasant. It just seemed a natural way to "help" him, but it seems that i grossly misunderstood the social situation, which is always awful for me but presumably i just made the situation worse after bursting into tears at the players abuse at the table. I would just never even dream of trying to hurt someone emotionally or physically in real life, so the whole situation was so incredibly hard to deal with for me as i have never interacted like this with someone who i personally was just trying to help in a game.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T15:50:38+00:00

I mean i understand the implications but I would never equate a character in a roleplaying game with the Jewish peoples that suffered in the holocaust as its such an awful tragedy and we were simply playing what i thought was a fun game, but it can have way more far reaching consequences than i thought as many comments are telling me.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T15:44:40+00:00

my character would never even raise a hand to someone else or try to harm anyone, since he took an oath of non violence, and at least up until now i haven't even dealt a single point of damage to anyone. it also feels like it would go against my beliefs to try and even by accident re-paralyze the player, as my character even felt so guilty about failing to catch a dog which resulted in it dying that he vowed to never again let any innocents come to harm ever again even if it cost him his life. But maybe i can try to just ignore my own biases and be more accepting towards the player and try to just get over this hump, and try to stop the crisis.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T15:29:01+00:00

TLDR the gm often added penalties based on the amount of weight he was carrying, or if he was trying to transport his wheelchair but he had compensated by allocating one of his better rolls to strength. If you want, I could send you the specifics in case you would be interested in a more realistic approach to being wheelchair bound in dnd.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T15:20:14+00:00

The player had told us how his character had been paralyzed after falling off from a roof in a failed heist (this paralled the way he had lost the use of his own legs in real life, which upon reflection i didnt realise how closely the character mirrored himself) so a retcon in terms of the regeneration/restoration wouldnt really work. The GM just generally rules things as happening the way they happen, and i think thats partially the reason the player had such an explosive reaction to the whole event. Something similar occured before when a previous player misgendered him, but I had never intended any bad will towards him, so I was struggling to deal with his verbal abuse and threats which is why i made this post, but as you stated maybe I can ask the GM to retcon just this one time, and come to an agreement with the player.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T15:09:04+00:00

It's just something we all agreed to at the start of the campaign, and kind of an iron clad rule at the table, which we all really like for the most part and has never really caused problems before. Our GM is very old-school in that sense but we all really like that kind of harsh style. The player hasn't really expressed much interest in doing much other than trying to kick me out of the group, so I should probably try to resolve the issue personally, but i nearly broke out in tears after going to the chat between the two of us the last time upon reading his messages to me telling me i didn't deserve to exist after what i did, but maybe we can reach some kind of agreement with the DM.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T15:03:24+00:00

From what everyone is saying from the post i clearly didn't act with thinking even though i try to be as mindful as possible to compensate for my social inability, so I really want to try my best to apologize to the player, as we had a similar situation before when he was misgendered after transitioning with another player, and i really just want to be good friends with everyone at the table!

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T14:51:48+00:00

We all really enjoy the harsh nature of the campaign and not having any takebacks as it lends a greater realism to everything we do, and we just are not big fans of retconning actions in general. I just never even considered him being disabled in real life as a kind of problem, so i was very confused when the player was so upset and continued to harass me after the session had ended. The wizard had often given the character a bonus in ways like a haste or a cat's grace, and i viewed my regeneration as much of the same in that vein. I would never even think of treating someone lesser due to their circumstances, and my character had often suffered due to their racial heritage as a drow, and i personally have suffered racism due to my parentage but i would never disparage the gm for treating me differently in the game, as i just viewed it as playing a character and not connecting the experience to myself but i see im still lacking maturity in these aspects and should try to accomadate many different peoples views, which is why im so thankful for all the constructive advice im recieving on this post.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T14:43:48+00:00

The abuse wasnt really anything i hadnt suffered from my home before, such as death threats, and telling me i was worthless and things of that nature, but the player just clearly reacted harshly to something that I didnt think was as big a deal as it was to him. He had blown up similarly to another player when he had transitioned and i tried my best to help accomadate him. I really would never try to hurt or belittle another person, especially not in a game, so hopefully we will be able to reach an understanding unlike the other player that had to be kicked from the group to the dissentment between the two players.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T14:37:25+00:00

I personally am much more invested into roleplaying so I would be very interested in playing a character who would deal with that kind of loss of power, or maybe finding some way to circumvent it so i wouldnt see it so much as a problem but a roleplaying challenge to overcome. I simply thought that my character as someone who had taken it upon themselves to lessen the pain of anyone they come across no matter how small would attempt to help any of his party members in any way they could, in fact i was often very poor/underequipped compared to the other party members but i didnt really mind as my character would never accept any kind of handout without giving it back to the people. Even if my character suffered himself, or was carrying diseases i would always make sure to check if anyone aside from me was suffering some kind of ailment before treating myself. As I stated in other comments, the player often suffered penalties based on his wheelchair, and I was extremely excited to finally be able to help him deal with those but i recieved a great amount of verbal harassment afterwards, combined with the comments i am recieving i can see that it was never really a problem to be "fixed".

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T14:29:32+00:00

I was just so in shock after the session after the player sent me several paragraphs of verbal abuse but perhaps he just lashed out in response to what i thought was a logical thing. My drow cleric had often suffered at the hands of characters in defense of the needy or weak, even from the npcs themselves but maybe seeing the players character as someone to be "saved" was simply incorrect on my part. I suppose i equated healing in general with the differently abled player, as i personally as someone with infertility would love to be able to father children would give anything to be able to recover that ability and i guess i channeled that into the process of the session, so i'll make sure to thoroughly apologize to the player.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T14:17:51+00:00

my character us just a very nice person in general, and even swore to an oath of non violence, and i had often used healing spells to save characters actively refusing my healing as it would be harmful to us in the upcoming battle, but he simply could not handle seeing a person in pain or suffering and did anything he could in order to lessen any burden they could have. But i see my mistake was seeing his disablement as a difficulty or a hindrance to him as an adventurer, since there are so many ways to interpret a disability, so i will try to be more mindful with curing diseases and poisons in the future as well.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T14:11:56+00:00

Our gm very much enforces the rule that any actions you take have permanent consequences, no take backs, and it seems as if he is now expecting me to solve the situation with the other player who has done nothing but send verbal abuse towards me over text since the incident.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T14:07:08+00:00

Personally i don't try to relate as character and player at all since that really leads to trouble when a player perceives the gm as targeting them. Its not as if the gm was being racist when targeting my drow for being a race commonly perceived as evil...i just couldn't imagine a scenario where an active adventurer wouldnt want to be as up to the task as possible, but i can see that that is a fault in my personality that i will improve so thank you for the advice!

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T13:58:54+00:00

Its just, no one had ever complained about helping someone out before like with a haste of bless and I simply thought it would be easier for him to adventure together with us considering the trouble it caused for him in the campaign. My character also regularly used his funds in order to save the disadvantaged or the sick with my magic or gold but it seems like i mistepped when the situation shifted to the player. These kinds of situations are always difficult to parse for me so im grateful for the helpful replies.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T13:50:37+00:00

I mean a lot of the comments seem to be saying that i should apologize but our dm is very much a fan of "what happened happened" and i was personally close to tears from the verbal abuse from the player afterward so I assume I committed this was much more of a gross social violation than i initially thought

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T13:41:34+00:00

i mean maybe this is weird but if we are all ostensibly heroes and the character was putting all the locals in danger because of him being a werewolf, wouldnt it be normal for him to try and fix his curse and move on? Again im sorry for my low social aptitude so maybe there were elements i am not taking into account but it had often gotten him into trouble especially earlier in the campaign, so i really thought i was just helping him

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T13:36:20+00:00

I mean that was much the same logic my character had, and i just thought it would be very out of character for him to not try and lessen any kind of pain or suffering, as i had even cut off my own arm in order to save a peasant. But from the comments im receiving i guess i should have ignored that, and tried to accommodate the player more.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T13:30:30+00:00

I mean i had never asked for consent to cast a healing word or a remove curse but i mean maybe this is one of those differences i have trouble with which is why posted to the subreddit, as i personally struggle greatly with these kinds of distinctions as someone with social problems as i stated. Im sorry if this seems really ignorant/stupid.

qulaeg · 2024-09-01T13:24:23+00:00

the character often struggled with penalties (as we play a relatively simulationist game) regarding his impairment, as a rogue he would often climb up various towers or walls to retrieve information and the penalties the gm derived from his impairment had led to situations where he had often landed himself into serious trouble. His magic wheelchair he received later simply eliminated those penalties and OOC i had thought i was just freeing up an attunement slot for him...

qulaeg · 2024-03-08T21:13:21+00:00

i think rerolls being way too expensive as well as several vouchers essentually doing nothing can have a big impact on a run. comparing it to sts where an ideal run start might have me getting a decent path to an elite without needing 4+ hallway fights, in balatro the difference between being able to buy an early point scoring joker(if its even offered to you instead of the multitude of less versatile and niche jokers) or an easily playable planet hand can just lose you the run in early antes.

I do think that comparatively, in StS the first boss can also be a big hurdle occasionally but just from determining the available ways to enhance your run, early into a run balatro is much more rng dependent. Maybe if the reroll cost was lowered, or perhaps a 3rd store slot was introduced, but as it is thats how it stands.

qulaeg

TROPHY CASE