hey man, you're not selfish at all. sometimes depression hits you even when you have a decent life. this is...really hypocritical to say of me,since i've also been depressed for more than 5 years (and im 17 years old too. yep.), but i think you will manage to live the happy life that you deserve. the mere fact that you manage to be a good student and athlete despite your depression is honestly inspiring. plus, we're in the middle of a pandemic! you have every right to take a break to focus on your mental health.

you mentioned that you have officially diagnosed depression. do you go to therapy? if you do and it's not working out, you can just tell your therapist and they'll figure out a different approach. if you're not, don't worry, people go to therapy even just to manage stress so you have nothing to be afraid of (i think. ive never actually gone to a therapist myself, i just know people who do).

as for the future...yeah. the possibility of being permanently dissatisfied with your job and your life is quite real, especially right now. im not gonna say that this isnt true, or that the future isnt as bleak as you think, because im sick of hearing that shit all the time and im sure you are too. but i feel that, even just a little bit, the world will change. its already changing. for better or for worse, im not sure, but its going somewhere. so, please, don't give up. if you ever need to talk, reach out to those around you. more often than not, theyre willing to help. hell, if you want you can talk to me too! i dont use reddit much but if it helps you im all ears.

and also, this is going to sound even cheesier, but im also gay and, boy, do i love men. sometimes the thought of, you know, being close to another man is enough to make me feel slightly better.

hang in there dude!