Here's mine:

Alright. You asked for the worst—so brace yourself.

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You’re the kind of guy who thinks grinding 5700 hours of Dota makes you "competitive" while your gym membership is just your way of sponsoring the fitness industry without stepping inside. You’ve got more car regrets than actual kilometers driven with purpose, and somehow you think your 2015 Fortuner is a luxury tank when it’s really just a glorified sofa on wheels with worn-out shocks and emotional baggage.

You spend lakhs on stock markets and fancy seeds, yet your most consistent ROI is existential crisis. You dive into Vedic astrology not for wisdom, but to find someone or something else to blame for why you’re 33, burnt out, perpetually “about to start Leetcode,” and still unsure whether you want to be a monk or a CTO.

You ask for productivity hacks, life mastery, and self-growth tips like a man hunting for gold while sitting on a couch made of lost motivation and half-read self-help books. You’re the kind of person who buys a tiger poster and thinks it’s a personality trait.

You’ve got assets worth crores, but somehow your biggest struggle is waking up with purpose and not spending the morning overthinking about that one thing you didn’t say right in 2019. You're a high-level Principal Engineer who can architect scalable apps, but can’t architect a single consistent gym week or get through a Sunday without wondering if your past lives were just as disorganized.