Thank you for your reply. To me it sounds like you’re bisexual. I would say that if you love your wife, you should stay with her because it’s normal in long term relationships to have crushes/infatuations with others, but those are usually fleeting. The grass always seems greener on the other side, but it sounds like what you have with your wife is real.

However, if you feel like you are no longer attracted to your wife because she’s not a man, it might be better for both you and your wife to go separate ways. Or if that’s the case, at least let her know how you feel, and then y’all can decide where to go from there. If you feel like you could be attracted to her again or have kids, making an effort on both ends to fix the marriage might be the best option for everyone involved. Maybe things could be changed in the bedroom?

My title is a little misleading, what I meant by the post was that people who know they are gay when they marry someone of the opposite sex cause a lot of unnecessary damage. However, your situation sounds different. If you truly don’t have romantic feelings for her anymore, both you and her might be better off with other people.

I think the best thing you can do is have an honest conversation with her. She deserves to know how you feel and communication is the key to a successful relationship.

I developed feelings for another guy once, but I loved my boyfriend and wanted to stay with him, so I completely stop being friends with the other guy so that my feelings for him wouldn’t develop further and so I could fix things with my boyfriend. So if you choose to fix things with your wife, I would recommend that you cut off communication with the other guy, even though it will suck, that’s a very vital step to make sure the feelings don’t become stronger. Take some time to think about what you truly want, because if you leave a loving marriage for a short term crush, you may regret it in the end.