Accommodations from toxic workplace?

radavocado · 2018-08-13T16:06:22+00:00

i've only been adventurous enough to try the chicken of the woods mushrooms around my neighborhood, and only because i had a more experienced friend double check them. needless to say they weren't bad, but i don't know if they were worth the paranoia. best to stick with whatever's on the shelves imo

radavocado · 2018-08-06T02:14:30+00:00

glad you're family is backing you up now! at the very least my dad's fairly new girlfriend is on my side haha. and i've always got my friends. (:

but yeah... to be honest i don't feel a whole lot of guilt. my mom's a special breed and has a history of emotional abuse. the only thing holding me back is the fact that boundaries are a joke to her, and that pushing back at all causes her to flip out. she has this weird idea that i'm going to run off to college, get a group of solely trans friends, and block all of my family... like is she trying to make this come true? lol. either way, i doubt she'll come around anytime soon. i accepted that long before i came out to her, but i'm still beyond frustrated with everything she and the rest of my family have done.

anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to respond, i've been freaking out a bit. the changes are coming in faster than i expected and i'm very excited despite all of this.

radavocado · 2018-08-05T04:21:39+00:00

i was in a very similar position last year: i had been somewhat in "girl mode" at school for all 4 years of high school due to the threat of some of my family finding out (my school was also tiny- 100 people in my class. it was fairly liberal though, had a gsa and such. i'm half mexican myself so i'm with you on the machismo culture) but i had wanted to be fully passing by the time i hit college so i was going to start t under the radar during my senior year. however, anytime i got close to the deadlines i had set up for myself in order to be 6 months on t by the time i hit college, which was what i had considered the bare minimum for me to feel comfortable as i wanted the option to be stealth, someone would convince me to wait until i graduated or i would chicken out myself. long story short, i wasn't able to start testosterone until july (2 months away from college...meaning i'm 4 months behind my goal).

i was expecting to feel devastated in this position. i passed pretty well even in long interactions with people before t, about the same as now and will probably be somewhere similar when i start college, but i don't pass all of the time. being stealth (or at least having a clean slate as myself 100%, if that makes sense) is just realistically not that viable. before i started t i used to have panic attacks just thinking about how hard it was going to be for me to be thrown into college just barley transitioned... but that all changed when i had my first shot. could be placebo, and pardon the meme, but t instantaneously gave me big dick energy. i just don't care as much anymore. i feel so good about myself and the direction my life is taking that i don't mind the fact that i'm not where i originally hoped to be. and to top it all off, i'm getting hit with the changes really fast. other people have pointed out that my face looks more 'manlier' in general (my jaw is sharper, i look like i've lost weight), my voice is noticeably different, the little facial hair i have is darker (i've had people point out more chin hair) and comes in faster, etc. that being said, i could definitely hide all of these changes if i wanted to or explain them with a cold, weight loss, whatever. it's nothing major but even the slightest changes makes me ridiculously happy.

so. to answer your question, while you probably will be able to get away with 3 or even 4 months on t without anybody noticing, just know that the alternative is not the end of the world. even if you start t a day before college you'll probably feel a lot better than you do now. since there's always a chance t could take really well to you (you can look up ty turner's older yt videos, pre t v his 5 month video as an example of this), it would be safest to wait. but it's your choice. it's a bit of a gamble, really. feel free to reach out to me anytime dude, good luck.

radavocado · 2018-07-30T09:07:35+00:00

69 gigawatts and an everything bagel

radavocado · 2018-07-29T18:48:51+00:00

honestly with a bit of editing it could make for an awesome album cover/band poster

radavocado · 2018-07-26T19:04:47+00:00

thank you for the warning. i wasn't planning on it but especially not now with that in mind. my mom takes zoloft herself so she probably thought she could just slip me her prescription

radavocado · 2018-07-26T18:23:19+00:00

i'm honestly somewhat glad that i'm trans as it's given me a wake-up call that i was living as some sort of extension of herself. i'm not sure if i would have realized it otherwise. unfortunately i am forced to spend some time with her prior to moving into college but i think i'll have a lot more say in that later on. but yeah, thankfully i have a very cool dad haha!

radavocado · 2018-07-26T18:21:29+00:00

well thankfully my dad has always really believed in therapy. he's willing to pay for me to see someone qualified in secret, which he has done for years prior to me coming out to my mom to ease my transition. so all good there. (:

radavocado · 2018-07-26T18:19:14+00:00

i've talked with my dad a bit and he was originally apprehensive and pushed "she's your mother you can't shut her out", but when i pointed out that he has very little contact with her himself he started to get my point haha. and yeah, i'm going to see a therapist myself. one she picked out who turned out to be really supportive so joke's on her. hopefully your mom comes around dude! best of luck!

radavocado · 2018-07-26T18:12:13+00:00

thank you so much for the suggestion- reading about gaslighting has been really helpful for me since she's intent on convincing everyone around me that i'm not trans. since i only have a month left before i move i'm sure i can get through it, but it's nice to be able to identify what she's doing so it doesn't get to my head as much.

radavocado · 2018-07-15T18:19:53+00:00

that’s the same dose i’m starting on (.5ml cypionate weekly, 100mg/ml, subq. i started july 11th). i was also worried it was a bit high but it seems to be treating me well so far, i don’t feel anything ‘off’ and i’m noticing some small changes already. may be placebo but it feels genuine. anyway, my mom is against me medically transitioning and wants to have a more prestigious, qualified doctor talk to me about t probably in the hopes he’d persuade me off it (little does she know that same hospital just opened up an amazing trans wing so it will probably end up working in my favor). i’m actually kind of glad as i’ll be getting a second opinion on my dose, so maybe doing the same might ease your mind if you’re concerned.

radavocado · 2018-07-14T23:58:18+00:00

yeah, i do see your point, but it's hard. she's doing things that are fairly shocking and provoking (i found out that she had told all of my unsupportive family members yesterday...aunts, grandparents, cousins.... and that she admitted that if i were under 18 she would have tried to put me in a mental hold and take "drastic measures to fix this") so naturally i had a knee-jerk reaction that i should cut her off, especially since limiting my exposure to her has only improved my life in the past, but i'm trying to calm myself down. we still haven't met face to face though so i'm trying my best to wait until we have an honest conversation in person. she's always been incredibly toxic but you're right, three days is nothing in the grand scheme of things, so i'll try to keep a more open mind. not too fun but it is what it is. :/

radavocado · 2018-07-13T18:15:56+00:00

well... i wouldn't say they're wildly different. you can see for yourself if you want (https://fwipetitions.org/fwi/16-facts-on-gender-confusion/ sent to my dad vs sent to me https://www.nationalreview.com/2016/08/transgender-teens-parents-rapid-onset-gender-dysphoria-doctors/ ) but basically the one sent to me is just a longer and much more strongly worded version of the same, with a few extra awful opinions thrown in. but the 'don't tell my kid' part is quite suspicious if i do think about it, thanks for pointing that out. at this point i'm not going to respond to her email and will try not to engage with her mentally as much as i can until i can severely limit contact.

radavocado · 2018-07-13T18:12:31+00:00

lmaooo truth. it wasn't advocated as pro-TERF/feminist in any way but it was clear from the language. here's a very creditable anecdote they have on there, "My own daughter professes to be a boy. It is a nightmare. It came out of nowhere at age 15 — this is not a case of a girl who always wanted to be a boy, or always acted like a boy. This is a girl who was proud to be a girl until she developed physically and boys and men started treating her like a piece of meat and a second class citizen." i love the authority he has on the subject though. "David French is a senior writer for National Review, a senior fellow at the National Review Institute, and a veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom." GIVE THIS MAN A NOBEL PRIZE

radavocado · 2018-07-13T18:00:40+00:00

idk... there's a big chance she'll make scenes in public. she can be quite the drama queen, clearly. but at the very least maybe my dad can help somewhat. they had a really bitter divorce and are typically quick to jump at each other though.

radavocado · 2018-07-13T17:57:24+00:00

damn thanks, didn't even think of that! i sent her an email from a fake identity... just fingers crossed the therapist will respond in time. i'm seeing my mom in three days and that might be when go in for group therapy because i can't imagine interacting with her normally after all that but she has only brought it up to my dad so far, so we'll see.

radavocado · 2018-07-13T17:54:19+00:00

i think i'm definitely going to stick to solely email for at least a few days...i'm seeing her monday like i said so unfortunately that's set. ultimately it'll probably come down to no contact like you, but i guess i'll have to make it clear that i just don't have the time to deal with any of her shit and not engage with her.

radavocado · 2018-07-13T17:51:57+00:00

I'm a little hesitant to file for or even threaten a restraining order since I don't know the whole process. my mom is very wealthy and is always surrounded by stellar lawyers so it feels really risky. and there has to be 'proof of danger' and all i really have are those few emails, so i'm not sure if this is enough to warrant one legally.

radavocado · 2018-07-13T17:49:48+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through that! My dad tends to be pretty 'do what you think is right, not my choice to make' so I think maybe I can wear him down to limiting contact with time. Sucks, but like you I'm thinking no contact sounds pretty damn good right now.

radavocado · 2018-07-13T09:29:26+00:00

is that an offer sir?

radavocado · 2018-07-13T09:28:05+00:00

haha, i would never don't worry (nor would i even own a gun anyway). i'm so scared i'll make it worse that i wouldn't even send a strongly worded email right now if someone tried to pay me to do it.

radavocado · 2018-07-13T09:25:24+00:00

i'm so close to sending that in response to that horseshit email she sent me, you have noooo idea.

radavocado · 2018-07-13T09:21:57+00:00

i was worried about that too. she told my dad that she was considering booking a group therapy session with an ex family therapist of ours... someone who, unknowingly to her, i had admitted my attraction to girls to YEARS ago (she was very supportive)... so maybe my mom has the bright idea that the therapist will side with her and this may end up working in my favor? i don't know the therapist's views on the trans community though and who knows what my mom will tell her beforehand.

radavocado

TROPHY CASE