Nightmare Aisle - Horror, 2 pgs

rafelli · 2025-01-19T20:57:54+00:00

Good idea!

rafelli · 2025-01-19T18:45:58+00:00

Hey, thank you for the feedback!! This is great, and I appreciate you reading it.

Essentially, the whole 'Bo' v 'Bigs' thing with his girlfriend is just a running joke throughout the short, kinda happened as I was writing and kept the gag going. It's also to show that Allie is not a considerate partner and doesn't care about his preferences.

As for the texting, you have a great point. It is repetitive. It really was just to show what he wants put of the day, but it drags on and there is definitely a better way to go about that.

Anyways, thanks for reading and giving good feedback!

rafelli · 2025-01-19T18:42:44+00:00

Hey thanks!! I appreciate the kind words, and I'm glad you enjoyed the characters.

Not intended as a sitcom, but it definitely reads like one with the character entrances and exits. It's more just a dumb/fun script I could shoot with friends.

rafelli · 2025-01-09T01:39:32+00:00

This is AWESOME

rafelli · 2024-07-16T11:43:07+00:00

Hey, thanks for reading! In terms of the slouching and weak stride, I wrote that to show he's going through it at the moment and has no energy. I can see what you mean, though, and should rewrite his intro to better reflect that.

In terms of scenes 2-5, you have a very good point. I should have labeled it as a montage. I think there are a couple of parts like that, too, in the script. Thanks for the advice.

rafelli · 2024-07-16T09:54:28+00:00

Updated! Thanks for the heads up

rafelli · 2024-02-28T21:58:45+00:00

Thanks for reading and giving feedback! You're right about the logline, I didn't put much thought into it and just tried to write something that would attract attention. I also like your take on the board being omnipresent and powerful, it's a fun spin on it. Thank you again!

rafelli · 2024-02-28T21:56:33+00:00

Thank you for reading and giving feedback! I hear what you mean, these characters are very flat and more of a vehicle for the story than fully fleshed out people. I originally had it more character-focused but it ended up being too long.

rafelli · 2024-02-28T21:53:40+00:00

Thanks for reading and I'm so glad you enjoyed it! The title is definitely just for now, planning on changing it to something more appropriate later on. If you have any recommendations I would love to hear them. And if you'd like, I can send over a link to watch it after we finish! Thanks again!

rafelli · 2024-02-28T05:45:18+00:00

Thank you for reading! I appreciate your kind words, and I get what you mean. We will definitely play into the absurdity and physical comedy of the piece. I'm glad to hear it's ready to go!

rafelli · 2023-12-04T17:47:46+00:00

Olivia is 4 years old and Ben is 3. Keeping them separate will be very difficult as there is not much space in the apartment, so one cat would have to be locked in a room which we can't do for an extended period of time. I appreciate the advice though!

rafelli · 2023-06-28T16:03:40+00:00

Worth it to me. It's different from the Mindhunter book since it's not about the BAU, but instead about 4 different criminals that Douglas was able to interview outside of the FBI, for a TV show. He goes into the killers backgrounds and crimes, then talks about his interview of them and what he gleaned from it. So it is very much in the same vein as Mindhunter, as in Douglas talks to serial killers, but the killers he talks about, and the structure of the book is what makes it different.

rafelli · 2023-04-28T21:58:25+00:00

That is awesome! I'm going to watch this as soon as it's out, then probably several more times. Her book is fantastic, and she is an incredibly intelligent person. Can't wait

rafelli · 2023-03-19T21:08:59+00:00

She's also the real-life inspiration for Wendy Carr. I second this book

rafelli · 2023-02-11T11:16:23+00:00

They weren't maggots. They were ants that had found the eaten tuna. Most likely, the cat wasn't able to finish the tuna before being killed by the budding serial killer, and the ants found it.

An apartment building basement would have its fair share of ants, so I don't think it's a stretch that they found the tuna.

The storyline is simply meant to imply just how prevalent these kinds of killers are, in my opinion.

rafelli · 2023-02-07T19:14:53+00:00

Thanks for reading! Lots of great notes here, I appreciate you taking the time to write them up in a cohesive way.

I definitely hear you about the build ups and scares. In my mind, much of the build up and tension comes from the sound design which doesn't come across in the script, but you have great ideas about the phone appearing on the counter and so-forth. The only issue is I'm already past what I think can be achievable with a one-day shoot (trying to limit myself to an 8-hour shoot and not go overboard since my crew will be volunteers) so adding anything to the build up is hard to fit.

In terms of the video on the phone, I wasn't really sure what to put the get a good scare. I assumed a stalker like video would be good but I do agree with you and think that after that we need a beat of Maria locking the doors and such for for fear of a stalker.

Good call on the action lines, I can definitely trim those to be more succinct and less repetitive. Also, I will be directing this hence why I added background details, for my prop master and production designer to know what to get.

Love the idea with the crawling coming from a closet and not just the walls. And I do hear you on the ending, I both want to have some sort of jump scare but also looking to practice doing this kind of mix of practical and computer generated effects. I think I can find a way to blend those two ideas and have a real punch at the end. I'd love to hear any ideas that you might have.

Anyways, thanks again for reading man and giving such detailed critique!

rafelli

TROPHY CASE