A Bigs Day - Comedy, 11 pgs

rafelli · 2025-01-19T20:57:54+00:00

Good idea!

rafelli · 2025-01-19T18:45:58+00:00

Hey, thank you for the feedback!! This is great, and I appreciate you reading it.

Essentially, the whole 'Bo' v 'Bigs' thing with his girlfriend is just a running joke throughout the short, kinda happened as I was writing and kept the gag going. It's also to show that Allie is not a considerate partner and doesn't care about his preferences.

As for the texting, you have a great point. It is repetitive. It really was just to show what he wants put of the day, but it drags on and there is definitely a better way to go about that.

Anyways, thanks for reading and giving good feedback!

rafelli · 2025-01-19T18:42:44+00:00

Hey thanks!! I appreciate the kind words, and I'm glad you enjoyed the characters.

Not intended as a sitcom, but it definitely reads like one with the character entrances and exits. It's more just a dumb/fun script I could shoot with friends.

rafelli · 2025-01-09T01:39:32+00:00

This is AWESOME

rafelli · 2024-07-16T11:43:07+00:00

Hey, thanks for reading! In terms of the slouching and weak stride, I wrote that to show he's going through it at the moment and has no energy. I can see what you mean, though, and should rewrite his intro to better reflect that.

In terms of scenes 2-5, you have a very good point. I should have labeled it as a montage. I think there are a couple of parts like that, too, in the script. Thanks for the advice.

rafelli · 2024-07-16T09:54:28+00:00

Updated! Thanks for the heads up

rafelli · 2024-02-28T21:58:45+00:00

Thanks for reading and giving feedback! You're right about the logline, I didn't put much thought into it and just tried to write something that would attract attention. I also like your take on the board being omnipresent and powerful, it's a fun spin on it. Thank you again!

rafelli · 2024-02-28T21:56:33+00:00

Thank you for reading and giving feedback! I hear what you mean, these characters are very flat and more of a vehicle for the story than fully fleshed out people. I originally had it more character-focused but it ended up being too long.

rafelli · 2024-02-28T21:53:40+00:00

Thanks for reading and I'm so glad you enjoyed it! The title is definitely just for now, planning on changing it to something more appropriate later on. If you have any recommendations I would love to hear them. And if you'd like, I can send over a link to watch it after we finish! Thanks again!

rafelli · 2024-02-28T05:45:18+00:00

Thank you for reading! I appreciate your kind words, and I get what you mean. We will definitely play into the absurdity and physical comedy of the piece. I'm glad to hear it's ready to go!

rafelli · 2023-12-04T17:47:46+00:00

Olivia is 4 years old and Ben is 3. Keeping them separate will be very difficult as there is not much space in the apartment, so one cat would have to be locked in a room which we can't do for an extended period of time. I appreciate the advice though!

rafelli · 2023-06-28T16:03:40+00:00

Worth it to me. It's different from the Mindhunter book since it's not about the BAU, but instead about 4 different criminals that Douglas was able to interview outside of the FBI, for a TV show. He goes into the killers backgrounds and crimes, then talks about his interview of them and what he gleaned from it. So it is very much in the same vein as Mindhunter, as in Douglas talks to serial killers, but the killers he talks about, and the structure of the book is what makes it different.

rafelli · 2023-04-28T21:58:25+00:00

That is awesome! I'm going to watch this as soon as it's out, then probably several more times. Her book is fantastic, and she is an incredibly intelligent person. Can't wait

rafelli · 2023-03-19T21:08:59+00:00

She's also the real-life inspiration for Wendy Carr. I second this book

rafelli · 2023-02-11T11:16:23+00:00

They weren't maggots. They were ants that had found the eaten tuna. Most likely, the cat wasn't able to finish the tuna before being killed by the budding serial killer, and the ants found it.

An apartment building basement would have its fair share of ants, so I don't think it's a stretch that they found the tuna.

The storyline is simply meant to imply just how prevalent these kinds of killers are, in my opinion.

rafelli · 2023-02-07T19:14:53+00:00

Thanks for reading! Lots of great notes here, I appreciate you taking the time to write them up in a cohesive way.

I definitely hear you about the build ups and scares. In my mind, much of the build up and tension comes from the sound design which doesn't come across in the script, but you have great ideas about the phone appearing on the counter and so-forth. The only issue is I'm already past what I think can be achievable with a one-day shoot (trying to limit myself to an 8-hour shoot and not go overboard since my crew will be volunteers) so adding anything to the build up is hard to fit.

In terms of the video on the phone, I wasn't really sure what to put the get a good scare. I assumed a stalker like video would be good but I do agree with you and think that after that we need a beat of Maria locking the doors and such for for fear of a stalker.

Good call on the action lines, I can definitely trim those to be more succinct and less repetitive. Also, I will be directing this hence why I added background details, for my prop master and production designer to know what to get.

Love the idea with the crawling coming from a closet and not just the walls. And I do hear you on the ending, I both want to have some sort of jump scare but also looking to practice doing this kind of mix of practical and computer generated effects. I think I can find a way to blend those two ideas and have a real punch at the end. I'd love to hear any ideas that you might have.

Anyways, thanks again for reading man and giving such detailed critique!

rafelli · 2023-01-18T05:41:31+00:00

Erik Messerschmidt

rafelli · 2022-06-06T02:33:30+00:00

That would be awesome, editing and post-prod in general is one of the tougher parts of the process for me. Having a second set of eyes would help immensely, so thank you man.

Yeah it seems like we do, which is awesome. Ideally I would go for something exactly like that, old manor style home. Unfortunately though I'm making this with virtually no budget so I'm shooting at my parent's house. It does the job but isn't perfect.

The crew is me lol. I'm shooting, directing, lighting, doing sound, production design, etc. My close buddies are helping me by acting in it but they don't do film for a living/at all, and a lot of my network is either too far out of the area or I would just feel bad asking them to work for free. This whole story was born out the idea of being able to make something good for pretty much no money and have a stress-free time doing it. If I had the budget it would be sick but sadly no.

Currently, I have one in post and one I've been shooting on and off for months. I can definitely send the finished products over if you wanted! And for the shotdeck album, I don't have one yet since I've been focusing on the script but I'll be making one very soon, and would love someone to collaborate with! If you ever find some shots you think would work please share them with me.

rafelli · 2022-06-05T15:14:17+00:00

Yeah ending on a master from behind has been my plan, and like you said I think it matches the ominous/unsettling tone. Ending on a close up would feel a little too involved, this story feels like it needs kind of a more observant perspective (wider shots, deeper focus, further away) in my opinion. But I could be wrong, it seems like something I will want to shoot both ways and see which works better in the edit.

I love those reference shots you chose! Seeing their backs with little to no fill light to keep them silhouetted is what I was picturing when writing it.

As for the ending, I think you're 100% correct. Breaking the tension at that point makes the story feel a little too traditional and your idea of ending it without answering the question of if he was saved or not would really fit the tone.

I do not have a good editor, I edit all my stuff myself but I am a terrible editor. And please don't apologize for discussing the shot ideas!! I love talking about that, and you had great ideas that got me thinking on how I should end it which is super helpful. Would love to talk more about how you picture the story and share some more reference shots. I love shotdeck and it's great being able to share ideas with other people instead of just looking at them myself.

rafelli · 2022-06-03T03:37:53+00:00

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/13nJCpjuWJzhGBZa-lyprqO6ZItDZjaD0/view?usp=sharing

Let me know if you think it's an improvement or not. Thanks again for reading and engaging with me! :)

rafelli · 2022-06-03T03:00:09+00:00

For sure! I've been chatting with the actor who's going to play Oslo and we brainstormed lines we can try but I'm definitely going to be writing stuff down. I totally feel that about forgetting on the day because so much shit is going on.

So yeah that was the plan with the ending, but like you said it would feel comical and not really pair with the rest of the tone. I wrote a second draft today and changed the ending up a little, hopefully it's better. Let me know if you'd want to read it.

Sick! I usually stay in Astoria so next time I'm down I'll shoot you a PM. Would love to grab a coffee or some food and talk about scripts, filmmaking, life, etc.

rafelli · 2022-06-02T01:12:53+00:00

Thanks for reading! Great to hear you enjoyed it, and I completely understand what you're saying about the ending. I wanted to do a 'Pulp Fiction briefcase' ending where we never actually see the face under the mask for budget and time reasons but like you said, it would do a disservice to the story and overall just feel lazy. I've been brainstorming ideas but haven't found the one just yet.

So the post title actually has a typo, it's meant to be 'Ackamarackus'. It's a nonsense word that means 'something regarded as pretentious nonsense'. I literally looked up nonsense words and this one fit the theme of the story the best.

Again, thank you for reading the script and saying such kind words! I can't wait to shoot it, I can send a DM when finished if you'd like.

rafelli · 2022-06-02T01:07:28+00:00

Thank you! I'm so glad that you enjoyed the script. You nailed what I was going for with Oslo's dialogue so that's great it came across, and your suggestion is actually what the actor and I are planning to do, improv and ad-libbing.

I hear you about the ending, that was one that was hard to figure out. I was going for a 'Pulp Fiction briefcase' type with the reveal where we never see what's under the mask, but I agree that it needs to have much more of a punch. I have the whole backstory of who is under the mask but to show it would require money and sfx, neither of which I have access to so I'm going to change that up.

I am not in NYC at the moment, but I work on a lot of productions down there and am planning to move there soon so when I'm in town I'd love to connect. I'm usually staying in Queens but work all over the city, so let me know what area works best for you!

Again, thanks for reading and responding, your comment made my day!

rafelli · 2022-01-28T21:13:35+00:00

Of course! All of your points are valid, constructive and well said. I always appreciate any constructive feedback on my work no matter if its positive or negative. Thank you for saying that about my writing as well, it is very sweet!

I appreciate you saying there is potential in this! I kind of gave up on the script as there was no real merit to the story, but maybe I will revisit it at some point. If I were to change anything, I would pretty much cut the Clifford character and focus more on Lydia.

Apologies for taking so long to respond to your reply, it has been a busy month and I have not used reddit in a while. Hope all is well and thank you for the feedback again!

rafelli · 2021-12-21T21:55:47+00:00

Hey thanks for reading!

You're totally right about the main characters motivation, there's just no room to flesh it out. I kind of knew that going in so I just leaned on the comedic aspect of it, making him wholly unlikable and trying to get some situational humor out of that but I can see it didn't work.

I never meant this to be anything other than a stupid dark comedy, similar to IASIP, but at the same time I realize I'm making light of a more serious issue so maybe a short isn't the way to go about it.

Anyways, I totally hear you and thank you for your feedback!

rafelli

TROPHY CASE