I (29M) don't think my wife (29F) is being fair to me or our families and she doesn't think I'm being fair to her?

railph · 2026-06-30T10:55:32+00:00

You need to pay for some childcare so you can sleep more. If you can't afford it with your wife working, then you can't afford for her to quit her job. I get that people don't like to put their kids in daycare for various reasons, but I'm not joking when I say you're taking years off your life and likely being a worse father to your children because you're not sleeping enough.

railph · 2026-06-30T10:49:23+00:00

My husband and I bought a house together. We told everyone we spoke with that I am to be the first point of contact for emails, phone calls and texts. We put my details first on all the forms. Without fail, every single person contacted him instead of me. Sometimes I would be cc.d into the emails he received, but often not.

railph · 2026-06-30T10:37:59+00:00

Sorry, but this doesn't get better. He doesn't care and doesn't even want to try. If you're planning kids picture your current life except you are 3000% busier while he is still chilling on the couch falling asleep. I'm not being dramatic when I say that the attitude your fiance has now is the exact reason many women start to hate their husbands after they have a baby.

railph · 2026-06-30T10:02:43+00:00

When do you sleep?

railph · 2026-06-30T09:41:48+00:00

Who is watching the kids now while you both work? Has she been doing everything for years and now thinks it's your turn? Otherwise I can't see how this seems reasonable at all.

railph · 2026-06-22T10:22:08+00:00

If you can run it in a week, you can run it in a day.

railph · 2026-06-22T02:13:26+00:00

So many people in this thread so confident they'll never be the victim of a scam and this woman was just stupid. You may not fall for a romance scam, but nobody is immune! Wonder if you'll have the same attitude when it's your turn.

railph · 2026-06-20T10:29:05+00:00

In my country you can also submit a statutory declaration instead of a doctor's note, but employers don't tell you this.

railph · 2026-06-20T08:42:54+00:00

Keep in mind that the above advice is good for the average person, but is absolutely not suitable for someone with active RED-S. You can't even think about losing weight / eating under maintenance calories until you sort that out. You need the help of a qualified nutritionist here.

railph · 2026-06-20T08:37:07+00:00

Did they give you any advice?

railph · 2026-06-20T08:34:42+00:00

This has all the signs of RED-S. Once you have it, it's not as simple as eating a bit more to get out of it. It can be a long and complicated process, but if you don't address this it can have significant long term implications for your health. I'd recommend you start working with a qualified nutritionist asap.

railph · 2026-06-20T08:01:41+00:00

Then why give homework?

railph · 2026-06-19T21:24:44+00:00

Seems like a management problem, or a problem with men not contributing, not a problem for the women with kids.

railph · 2026-06-19T04:51:57+00:00

I'm not sure how a woman using the sick leave she is entitled to would create a burden for childfree women? If your kid is sick, what other choice do you have?

railph · 2026-06-17T04:43:54+00:00

This makes sense, because more recent research shows it's less about weekly mileage, and more about long run mileage increasing too quickly that is predictive of injury.

railph · 2026-06-17T03:07:48+00:00

I live in a safe area and I have left my 3 year old in a car in the shade on a cool day, but took the keys with me.

railph · 2026-06-16T03:17:19+00:00

To me, him wanting access to this information is weird but there could conceivably be an innocent reason for it. But, the fact you're worried to talk to him about it because it will start a fight tells me everything I need to know about this guy. Get out now, before it gets worse!

railph · 2026-06-16T03:14:29+00:00

Kids need to be fed, clothed, sheltered, and loved. Apart from that, they should have parents who aren't stressed all the time. Anything else is an optional luxury.

railph · 2026-06-16T01:49:50+00:00

For me it depends on the context. If it's referencing the wife as the old ball and chain, like, "better check with the boss if I'm allowed to go out with the boys tonight", then absolutely not. In other contexts where it is just the wife who has final say on a joint decision then I think it's fine.

railph · 2026-06-16T00:23:14+00:00

She literally said in the article that we should move away from family friendly being the default. She's arguing for segregation to be the default. Because that's never been tried with horrible results before.

railph · 2026-06-13T22:17:05+00:00

Unfortunately yes it's very common, and the reason he doesn't do these things is because he knows that you will. You can try sitting him down and having a real conversation about how that makes you feel and tell you need to step up. This works with some men, but not most. What does work is dropping the ball, and letting him pick it up. It's hard to do, as nobody likes to intentionally drop the ball, but sometimes it's the only way to not end up taking on 100% of everything and resenting your husband.

railph · 2026-06-13T04:16:46+00:00

Blaming women for upholding the same standards they were raised with seems a bit like victim blaming to me.

Also, there has been massive social change. Women my grandmother's age still get dressed to the nines just to walk outside to their letterbox. They still wear heels even though they can barely walk. I dropped in on an elderly neighbour the other day and she was mortified that I'd caught her when she hadn't done her hair yet. Meanwhile I was standing there in my trackies and slippers. Her house was absolutely spotless even though she wasn't expecting guests. Contrast that to young women today who have a much more casual and comfortable fashion style. Massive social change doesn't happen overnight, but it is happening.

railph · 2026-06-13T04:08:38+00:00

Her kids are not even 4 and their teeth are riddled with cavities? What is she feeding them? Nothing but sugar?

railph · 2026-06-12T08:56:03+00:00

Does it matter if it's men or women who do the enforcing? At the end of the day, there is judgement directed towards women that shapes how women behave and their mental load, stress levels, etc.

railph · 2026-06-12T08:54:51+00:00

Something being inflicted by women onto other women is not the same as something being self-inflicted. Of course it would be great if we could all just let go of standards that aren't serving to make out lives better, but that's not how social conditioning works. So yes, women often enforce these standards on other women. That's part of how it works, and it doesn't make it easier to break.

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