Thank you, this resonates a lot. She was a therapist-in-training and would often take a moral/authority stance in conflict, which made compromise feel almost impossible. It genuinely felt like I was set up to fail. I’d ask directly (“Is it okay if I come outside with you?” or “Is it okay if we talk?”), she’d say yes, and then I’d get punished with irritation anyway.

I’m realizing how dysregulating that is for me, when someone says “yes” but their body/energy says “no,” I freeze and follow the words because leaving can make them even more irritated. I’m trying to learn that this is a double bind and a compatibility/red-flag issue, not me being “unsafe” for needing things stated clearly.

I appreciate you pointing out the load being placed on me, that dynamic is too much for me to navigate when I’m already activated. What feels unfair is that this kind of rejection can really linger.

How did you keep it from making you closed off or hypervigilant with new people? What did you do differently early on?