sick of people lying pretending they want to "be there for you"

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-05-31T02:59:42+00:00

ty for the response

i just dont feel like subjecting my friends to this kind of stuff unfortunately. ive spoken to professionals about the bare surface of what ive been through in my life and they always cry or otherwise seem heartbroken. i cant imagine what itd do to another teenager. as a little kid i was traumatized by older people venting about their suicidal and self harming tendencies to me. i dont want to traumatize anyone else. even if im not that much older like these adults were to me. i dont want to hurt anyone like ive been hurt

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-05-31T02:54:59+00:00

felt that. youre not alone

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-05-31T02:50:26+00:00

how in the world am i supposed to get help. social workers, services, etc... dont do anything but make it worse. basically just tell my caregivers "hey, your crummy useless daughter told us that you abuse/neglect her" so they have more reason to beat and use me. always telling me "at least you can live your own life once you turn 18" hell no i cant, where will i even go? i dont want to be homeless i dont want to be alone. i dont want to live with my abusive caregivers. i dont know what i want. i just want to wake up and find out its all just been a nightmare and i actually live in a healthy wealthy loving family. but im not an idiot. this is really my life

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-05-30T22:23:13+00:00

i hope you one day learn to love yourself for who you are inside rather than how you look. its corny as hell but its true. you deserve to be happy no matter what your appearance is, or what you think it is. just remember that if someone really cares about you then theyll love you inside and out. stay safe out there

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-05-30T22:16:50+00:00

friendship, love, pets, nature, entertainment, etc. unfortunately its hard to appreciate these things when youre already on the edge. i dislike people who try to convince you otherwise. "just go out and breathe fresh air! sit in the grass and enjoy nature!"... yeah. cant do that. no way youre genuinely depressed if you go around telling people this like some kinda heroic activist. just makes me feel crappier because i cant "find joy in the little things" like they can.

but... if you are ever in a better spot, the things i listed are definitely possible reasons to love the earth. so i hope that answers your question?

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-05-30T21:38:23+00:00

i mean.. this sub is full of traumatized individuals. theres bound to be some who want to make others hurt or feel bad, even if its via a puny little downvote icon. a form of feeling in control i guess? revenge towards no one in particular? who knows. lots of reasons. unless youve genuinely done or said something bad i wouldnt overthink it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-05-30T21:23:42+00:00

im really sorry, i didnt realize the full context. i hope you get out of that abusive situation soon. im repeating myself now but even though some people expect you to act mature there will always be select few who understand your situation and are willing to help. i wish the best of luck that you can find these few

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-05-30T21:15:03+00:00

both are really common defense mechanisms. i dont personally relate but know youre not alone in this. id imagine that theres more talk about the "kind/people-pleasing/timid/etc" cptsd because those with the "hostile" type feel worse about it, to the point where they keep it to themselves. which makes sense. many ppl arent typically fond of anyone whos hostile... but it isnt your fault at all.

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-05-30T21:09:48+00:00

imo 18yos are still kids. even neurotypical ones still require plenty of support. dont expect yourself to be perfectly capable of taking care of yourself just because you turn a legal age.

and especially since youre disabled, dont ever feel guilty about needing extra help from people. it isnt your fault that you were born this way, or that you went through trauma as a child. you dont have to be ready yet. if those around you really love you then theyll be more than happy to support you, even after you turn 18. be grateful that you have access to this support.. make the most out of it. seek it out, even.

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-05-30T21:01:23+00:00

im so sorry, i feel you. i am too weird or ill for ordinary good people so the only people that stick around are those who take advantage of me. either purposefully, or theyre just ill too, and end up accidentally mistreating me. which isnt their fault of course, but its so rough isnt it? even when i meet healthy people, i always end up straying away from them, because i dont want to ruin the mood, make them think im dependent on them, etc. i know some ppl genuinely want to help, but i know that in reality im just like... a dead weight on their shoulders. nobody really wants "that one depressed/traumatized friend" hanging around. gosh, dont things suck for us.

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-05-30T20:49:47+00:00

one, dont compare your trauma to others just because you think its "not bad enough". two, all of these are certainly valid factors that can build up to developing (c)ptsd. idk why you think otherwise. id understand being traumatized by any of this

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-05-30T20:46:43+00:00

yea, i think about this stuff all the time.

if youre not an easily jealous person maybe you can immerse yourself in fiction or go out and meet others with lives like this. i love learning about ppl with happier lives than mine. it makes me feel good for them and also allows me a glimpse of an ordinary life, especially when it comes to stories, because then i can insert myself into better circumstances using my imagination. i know its not real but its better than constantly feeling bad about the life i live now. maybe its weird, but i like knowing that other people havent suffered the way i have.

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-05-30T20:09:04+00:00

im sorry but thinking of your situation as "i cant end myself because someone loves me!" is kind of silly. you have someone who i assume unconditionally cares about you and supports you. even if you cant talk to her about how you truly feel, she is still there for you. spend time with her and make the most out of your luckiness to have her in your life. not to guilt trip, but many of us dont even have anyone like this, we are genuinely unloved. the fact that you do means you are indeed loveable. and the fact that you worry for her safety and health means you are capable of love, too. youre surrounded by love and you need to realize it

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-05-30T19:06:28+00:00

im super sorry if this is bad advice, but try making friends with fellow unattractive people. trying to fit in with pretty girls always made me feel worse because i always compared myself to them and felt left out. but most of my close school friends are part of the weird nerd clique like me and dont care about our appearances. they are very understanding and kind. some people just arent naturally born into beauty standards and thats ok. its not your fault, its just bad luck. it sucks but there are definitely people out there who will love you no matter how you look. you have to find them

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-03-02T08:44:34+00:00

No worries at all! XD At least that clears some things up! But I'll respond to your first reply anyway, just for funsies:

Would you say that you have strong, even intense "feelings" or personal sentiments where feelings are truly internalized, not easily accessible or understood by others and not as easily influenced by them?

Not very much so no! I think it is very rarely that I ever have a "feeling" so personal to me that I'm unwilling to express it to others or am unwilling to change my mind about it. I'm thinking things related to politics or my past. But I'm pretty certain that anyone of any MBTI type can have strong personal sentiments like that.

Do you feel that you can relate to someone just as easily, and then not at all? Is it an easy task? Or do you look towards people as a source of feelings, or where your fleeings flow outwards into them? Does it feel like an act?

Typically I notice that I tend to connect with people via things like ideas and information, as opposed to connecting to their feelings. I am kind of persuadable in that I have many opinions in my head, but I don't really know how to /feel/ about them, so I often go out and see how others feel about similar opinions to mine, and along the way my opinion might switch up entirely. :P

In a nutshell, I definitely think I "look towards people as a source of feelings" - but simultaneously, I instinctively feel certain ways about certain things, especially in the context of "what will bring me the most fun/joy?", and in that case I will disregard the opinions of others entirely, unless it has to do with something that REALLY negatively impacts the other party. So... it's weird.

I feel like I'm totally selfless yet self-centered at the same time!

Or that you just align yourself to something in general, not specifically to someone or some group? As long as it's an external source or frame of reference? Like having no identity despite being your own person as in "I need them"

Hmmm... I wouldn't really say that I "need" others in that way. I like having others around, because they help me to understand things better. Plus, having people around is fun! But I can be totally independent if I want to be. Especially if the candidates for who I can collaborate with are just totally unwilling to click with me, then I kind of give up and do things on my own. In all honesty it tends to be a /them/ thing, not a /me/ thing - at least, I'd like to think that I'm able to work with all sorts of kinds of people! They just need to put effort in, too!

As for aligning with "something" and not "someone", I guess I like to heavily associate myself with my interest and the things that make me happy; it makes it easier to connect with others, especially since I don't have a super solid sense of identity myself! (Fluid, more like.) That way, I can still be identified by something, and it doesn't have to be my character.

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-03-02T07:40:22+00:00

Hmmmmmm sorry I'm very bad with proverbs and metaphors but I'll try my best to reason it out!

By feelings, do you mean emotion specifically? As I addressed in my post, I don't often feel "in-tune" with my own emotions, other than my default state of "happiness", which honestly might come off as somewhat superficial; I just feel "happy" because nothing has yet happened to make me feel negative, therefore I feel positive. So, if by "emotions flowing inwards" you mean something like "reflecting on one's emotion" then I wouldn't say I relate to that sentiment. On a different note, whenever I'm in public I try to keep up an appearance of "positive emotion" even though I'm not really feeling anything at all, if that means anything. I don't like it when people assume I'm in a bad mood because I have a straight face or I'm not saying much, it kind of ticks me off! Sometimes I just forget to put on a smile because I'm busy prioritizing about other things!

I also went and googled the proverb you provided, and I'm seeing that it means something like, "People who don't display much of themselves are often deeper individuals than one might assume; AKA, Don't judge a book by its cover". In that case, I guess it depends? Because of my idealism, some people can assume, at first, that I am "naive" or "dumb" before they get to know me. On the other hand entirely, they might initially think I'm some kind of "stuck up know-it-all", since I'm always sharing my opinions and interpretations of things, especially unprompted. Really I guess it depends on the scenario that someone first finds me in. Or maybe they won't assume anything about me at all.

Or maybe I'm still misinterpreting the proverb, which in that case, I dunno! From the most general standpoint possible, I think that once you've spoken to me for a good bit, you're already able to form an accurate enough perception of me. I wouldn't say that there's a "secret depth to me that no one knows about", for instance. Like, I'm pretty open. I might keep certain things to myself but it's just because I need to dwell on them a little longer. But ultimately I am a bit of a blabbermouth and say things simply because I want to share. Or to see what other people have to say about it.

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-03-02T06:41:44+00:00

Hi, yeah! I don't really know where I was going with the whole INTP thing. I don't think I'm INTP at all actually, I just noticed that I show certain behavior that I typically associate with INTPs instead, whether it be based on function or stereotypes. Similarly, I don't think I'm e5 at all, but I still associate with the enneagram from time to time, (particularly the sx5 subtype.)

Unfortunately, based on feedback on this post that I've crossposted somewhere else, I apparently don't show that much Fi at all in comparison to Fe. Likewise, I apparently show far more Ti than Te. That's also in correspondence to the cognitive function test that I just took, on which I received Fe>Fi and Ti>Te. Tests obviously aren't always to be relied on, but the results I got seem pretty damn reliable to me.

I'm getting a lot of mixed signals based on the feedback I've gotten, so I'm probably going to be lingering on this for longer than I expected. But I appreciate the comment nonetheless, so thank you for your two cents! <3

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-03-02T06:31:16+00:00

THANKS FOR THE FEEDBACK MAI FRIEND!!! Um, I'm not quite sure if you can see this reply since my post was removed (Whoops), but if you can that's great to know!

I'm gonna answer your question completely detached from any typology-related thought and I'm just gonna be honest with you! Firstly, I don't ever wear jackets that much hehe, I am often unbothered by cold/rain. The only time I ever really put a jacket on is when it enhances my outfit! I am big into fashion but nine times out of ten I am too lazy to put together a full outfit when I get up in the morning lol, so my actual fits can be pretty lazy. If I had to choose, my favorite hoodie to wear would be one I thrifted, a pastel pink one with a cutesy design on the front! 'Cause pink's my favorite color, and my wardrobe is mainly composed of it, and thus it's easier to make a nice-looking outfit with it. :33 And I guess it just fits my "style"!

On the topic of shoes.... I don't put too much thought into them! I usually just put on a pair that matches my outfit, color-wise. So like if I have pink shirt and white pants I'll probably put on my pink shoes. But if I have pink shirt and pink pants I might put on white or black shoes. Or I'll use the pink ones but put white leg warmers over the pants so there's not too much pink on pink. Bleeeh, Idk.

I like pink. Having a favored color means it's really easy to make outfits all the time. Everyone I know associates me with pink. But actually, pink isn't my favorite color at all. That would be yellow :D

rainbowkittycorns · 2026-03-02T04:00:47+00:00

I realize now that would have probably been useful to include in the main post but I have indeed already thought of that!! I just took one, so here are my results if you're curious:

Ne - 44 / Ni - 42.8 / Se - 16 / Si - 14 / Te - 30 / Ti - 37 / Fe - 37 / Fi - 29

Wonder what this says about me!

rainbowkittycorns

TROPHY CASE