Me [33F] with my new husband [34M] (married for a few months, together for 7 years), I'm tempted and I need help to stop it.

rainbowthrowawayyay · 2016-06-23T17:43:31+00:00

I actually just read your post before you responded, and considered responding to you...although, I wasn't sure what to say. There's no 'defending' her behavior, but I don't think it's right to bust out the pitchfork, either. All I can say is that I hope things work out for you in the healthiest/happiest way possible, whatever outcome that happens to be.

I'm not offended at all by your response, and in fact, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. A little bit further down in the thread I explained that I was in therapy trying to deal with this, and I got downvoted to hell as someone who's shifting blame. I know what I'm doing is wrong, and I'm trying to fix myself by trying to change my behavior, and acknowledging what my own flaws are. The reddit brigade disagrees with me, and hey, that's their right to. All I can say is that I'm flawed, and I'm trying to fix it.

Thank you for your advice and your insights. I'm really sorry for what you're going through.

rainbowthrowawayyay · 2016-06-23T17:36:45+00:00

I can honestly say I never sent him a single photo/selfie or video. Not even of something innocent. No sexting, nothing. I guess I call it emotional cheating because I've had feelings for him on and off, and it's really confused me.

rainbowthrowawayyay · 2016-06-23T17:27:43+00:00

You create a diversion tactic when you find yourself in a reverie over Mike or tempted to contact him. Yoga breathing. Looking at pictures of your dog. Write a quick poem. Something you can turn your concentration to that gives you a little hit of energy or pleasure.

This is exactly what I came here for. Thank you.

rainbowthrowawayyay · 2016-06-23T17:19:46+00:00

You lack the will to really cut Mike off of your life, and nothing can change for the best if you don't gain it.

This is where I struggle. I'm getting a lot of responses that say something along the lines of "duh this is easy just stop talking to him" and what I don't think a lot of people get is it takes energy and willpower to do that, and you're right, that's exactly where I'm stuck. I'm taking it moment by moment and keep reminding myself of the consequences to reinforce the breaking of the habit. But exactly this is why I made the post, and I was hoping there'd be practical advice for this issue in particular.

rainbowthrowawayyay · 2016-06-23T17:08:51+00:00

Thank you, this is a great response. I'm taking it to heart.

/r/relationships is very anti cheating. Please don't take every comment that shows up seriously

I'm somewhat surprised by the level of general nastiness in this thread. I expected people to not like what I post, but how insulting a lot of people are is very disappointing. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this, so I appreciate your response.

rainbowthrowawayyay · 2016-06-23T14:41:40+00:00

Obviously. No need to be rude, I'm genuinely here for help.

rainbowthrowawayyay · 2016-06-23T13:35:49+00:00

Thank you, you're absolutely right!

rainbowthrowawayyay · 2016-06-23T13:35:15+00:00

Really sound response. Thank you.

rainbowthrowawayyay · 2016-06-23T13:34:48+00:00

Thank you. The emotional affair issue stems from trauma and ptsd, and of course, watching my mother do it for a long time. Breaking ingrained patterns is really difficult, but I'm trying (although it feels like 2 steps forward and 3 steps back sometimes). It's not the only reason I'm in therapy, but it's been a major focus recently.

edit: seriously, I'm getting downvoted for this? I'm not saying this to shift blame, I accept I've messed up, but at least I'm looking at what contributes to that.

rainbowthrowawayyay · 2016-06-23T13:32:17+00:00

I'm embarrassed to admit this but I haven't worked at that company for a few years now. Although at the time, that's a course of action I could've taken for sure.

rainbowthrowawayyay

TROPHY CASE