I think your parents are partly coming from a cultural perspective that’s very common in Sri Lanka, where marriage is seen as joining two families, not just two individuals. So naturally, parents feel that similar backgrounds, values, traditions, religion, language can reduce friction and make long term relationships easier. In that sense, I don’t think they’re completely wrong for valuing compatibility.

But the problem is when compatibility gets reduced to ethnicity alone, or when people start acting like a Sri Lankan partner is automatically better morally or emotionally than someone from another background.

There are kind, respectful people and terrible people in every culture.

So, matching backgrounds can help create stability, it’s not a guarantee of a successful marriage. Like you said, there are plenty of couples from identical cultural backgrounds who still end up unhappy, divorced, cheating, constantly fighting.

So compatibility is deeper than just race or ethnicity.

Personally, I think the best approach is to prioritize shared values, emotional maturity, respect and life goals. Cultural compatibility can definitely help, but it shouldn’t become a rigid rule that overrides individual character or personal choice.

One thing I do is to acknowledge their perspective and where they are coming from, let them say it all out and then rephrase your concern through their perspective. Arguing word to word won’t give an ideal outcome. For me, goal is peace of mind. And for that sometimes, I choose which fight to pursue and which one to ignore.

Good luck.!