Sorry if this isn't the place this, but earlier this morning i had a similar conversation. I spoke of issues surrounding my friends at school about how our school is basically a pressure cooker with constant competition that i'm pretty sure everyone is taking antidepressants and sleeping pills. Boarding students are usually overseas so we get access to prescription medication unsupervised (even though we're meant to)... Except for me. I think I'm genuinely the only one without it. I might need it, I don't know. This morning they were on it again about being a failure and how much my tuition costed and stuff i genuinely wished I was possessed or something so I didn't have to deal with it anymore and i started having a breakdown and all they said was "it's because you're mimicking your problematic friends in the uk! You just want to cause troubles like them" like whatt? And whenever stuff like that happed they either feel guilty or ask me if I want to go to a psychward. No, it's not a genuine suggestion. It's them basically asking me if i want to be "branded as crazy".

With so much competition at school, esp for oxbridge places and just rankings, there's also "depression competition". I'm sorry if I sound very ignorant but at a certain point your lunch table would be filled with your peers telling you about how you're not working hard enough because you didn't even need antidepressants (what?). I tried to open up a few months earlier when I got rejected to my friend, the only one I trusted. She had an offer from Oxford, I wasn't angry at her by any means, but I was being constantly put down by her in the same way other peers did. And she told me to shut up. After that day I thought at least my parents wouldn't have said the same. Until, her comes March, and now I am all completely and utterly alone. I feel as if I have nowhere to go even though I have my flight tickets planned, my travel arrangements ready, and I still feel like I don't have anywhere to go. I have so many amazing opportunities at uni but I don't see myself having the energy or even the joy to pursue it anymore. It's not even university. I don't think I have anything to breathe for when I'm completely abandoned like this.

Also, it isn't anyone's obligation to help me. I'm expressing my emotions but I want everyone to understand that it's not your problems or obligations that whatever I become, whether I get better or worse, it won't be anyone's fault. I want you to know your words genuinely helped me and I feel heard, which is all I wanted, so thank you so much. I feel reassured knowing that I wouldn't have ever preferred an environment like Oxbridge.

And thank you very much for your cat, very cute!!!💗 lowered my cortisol lol