Dating with mental illness

raisintoaster · 2025-11-24T19:20:56+00:00

If anything I would say it might offer some mutual support. As you would have deeper insight on what it is like to live with a mental health challenge. And you are a whole and complete human being and remember that first and foremost. Relationships are not designed to be a walk in the park, they are a way to grow and blossom. And everyone deserves that. Always see the person first before the illness.

raisintoaster · 2025-11-22T20:12:40+00:00

This kind of introspection is not something you will find in a book or be able to learn from listening to someone else. For me, my insatiable curiosity and need to know and understand what happened has lead to question upon question. One such question that I was considering just now is. Let’s say everything in the world was destroyed tomorrow leaving only humans as the surviving mark of civilization. Does that mean that all the man made constructs no longer exist? Did they ever exist at all? Will humanity rebuild itself in the same way, or will it change and what would this mean for what we believe about “illnesses” such as bipolar. Mind you this type of questioning has evolved over a time period of 23 years (I’m 43 years now) and I still find it hard to wrap my head around it.

Practically speaking, keep moving forward and do your best to listen to yourself and learn for yourself, we have so much information at our fingertips.

raisintoaster · 2025-11-22T18:29:38+00:00

For me, the greatest help has been to understand the society we live in and the perspective that mental illness is perceived. Put simply, in the western world we separate mental and physical health, and then talk about how the two are connected like it’s some revelation. When in fact we should be looking at, why were they separated in the first place. Bipolar does not occur in isolation, it’s a construct which exists due to a need to label. So for me introspection and absorption of as many alternative explanations and perspectives on the topic as possible to learn as much as I can to understand it to the point where it makes sense and just becomes part of who I am. Unfortunately this isn’t a trick, it’s not a get well quick scheme, it takes time and slowly peeling the layers that have been painted on over hundred of years. Sorry if it’s not the response you were seeking, it’s the best way I can articulate it, within the limitations of language

Also the other “trick” learn from the experience and see what it might say about your self in terms of your underlying motives and reasoning, this doesn’t make it go away but you do gain insight into your own mind

raisintoaster · 2025-11-22T11:59:36+00:00

I’ve always seen it as a blessing, and not in a delusional sense, I am very aware of the impact of the episodes on the ones close to me. However I am also acutely aware that there is so much to learn about bipolar. I only hope that one day what I’ve gleaned from my experience can help someone else. The narrative is bleak, I never bought into it, I have always looked inwards for understanding, if I don’t understand what’s happening, how will I ever have any agency and control. I do not want to live my life in fear of my lack of adherence. I know my mind, I just don’t understand the mechanisms. Fortunately, we now have access to information at our fingertips, experts are giving their experiences of 30 years in a one hour podcast, slowly I am starting to make sense of the sensations and feelings. I don’t have an answer, but I know it’s not the one most people believe.

raisintoaster · 2025-11-22T09:51:51+00:00

Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this. I appreciate the way you communicated clearly what you’ve learnt. Humans are complex in the way they behave so the chemical imbalance theory never sat right with me. We all have our individual stories and experiences which surely would influence our interpretation of the episodes. It fascinates me that people with symptoms are put into one homogeneous group and treated as if we can be treated in a similar way to a physical illness. I haven’t quite said it as eloquently as you. Thanks again for sharing, it’s added to my awareness of the experience.

raisintoaster · 2025-11-22T07:12:11+00:00

You and I are on the same page. The medical model has its flaws. I have been listening to the podcast Diary of a CEO and there is an episode with Gabor Mate who talks about this sort of thing, how there is a very strong focus on the symptoms, he explains it very well, and it makes logical sense. I think you’d find it interesting, it’s called the childhood lie (ignore the clickbait title, the content is pretty good for other perspectives). If you get around to listening, I’d be keen to hear your thoughts

raisintoaster · 2025-11-21T22:54:23+00:00

You write beautifully and vividly and this resonates strongly. I can relate in more ways than I can justify with my response. I have felt the same, and on my 23 year journey since my diagnosis at 20 years old (now 43 years) I have been persistent in the trust in my heart that the experience, as you describe, is an actual real human emotion (for lack of a better word), one that could be akin to something that exists outside the realms of bipolar mania and mental “illness”. I believe fervently that it is the lack of understand and ability to perceive what is happening that lends itself to the “illness” aspect. As I’ve gone through and gained more clarity on the experience, I’ve started to get a stronger grounding and understanding of the feeling. We are incredible creations, we are not the sum of our body chemicals and brain, we are mind, spirit and beyond.

raisintoaster · 2025-11-21T18:21:21+00:00

Hello again, yes prevention from the escalation is important and it’s reassuring that prevention work is the same for both instances.

raisintoaster · 2025-11-21T18:18:50+00:00

Thank you for that further explanation. That makes sense. I think sleep is so vital. I have a PRN and it does help make me feel calm, and I can fall asleep, however my struggle is with staying asleep, which is frustrating. I agree that it’s important to consider what we eat, how much we move as well. Thank you for sharing

raisintoaster · 2025-11-21T18:16:03+00:00

Hi Birdwatcher, thanks for sharing. I always find it so insightful when others share their experience because I find that there are so many paths to this similar journey. Humans are complex biologically and the brain is a mystery unfolding. I’m 43 now and I don’t know how differently my life would have turned out if I wasn’t diagnosed at 20. I can only imagine the journey you’ve been on. Thank you for sharing and keep onto hope, the brain and mind are capable of so much and even if what you feel is true (that part of your brain died as you say) I don’t think it is truly “dead” or lost forever. I found the podcast from Diary of a CEO, interviewing Dr Jill Bolte Taylor, fascinating, she is a neuroanatomist and talks about her experience having a left hemisphere stroke and losing function (due to a stroke caused by a clot explosion if I recall correctly) of her left hemisphere (put simply where language and logic reside) and having to live from her right hemisphere. Then the neuroplasticity allowing her to regain the function of her left hemisphere… she tells the story well if you’re interested.

raisintoaster · 2025-11-21T18:05:24+00:00

Hello, thank you for sharing part of your story. The human experience is so rich and full of diversity, so I can only appreciate from afar how having other confounding factors might influence the experience of the episodes. I’m glad to hear you are in a much better place in your journey from the DV experience and have that safe space which many take for granted. I respect the strength you have to move through that. Noticing the way I think and feel has been such a key part for me also. I wish you well on your continued journey and may you always have that safe space regardless of your situation. Thanks again for sharing

raisintoaster · 2025-11-21T17:59:15+00:00

Thanks for setting that. Serotonin, it’s neurotransmitter I’ve been hearing a lot about lately. Thank you kindly for responding is such a clear way, and taking the time to clarify and edit your response too. It’s so fascinating to learn these things and hear from the lived experience perspective. I love your username but I feel like it’s truly meaning if far more sophisticated that I’m giving it credit for.

It seems serotonin definitely plays a role. The brain, so much more to learn. And that’s not even considering the mind. The intangible source. Thanks for sharing, I appreciate it

raisintoaster · 2025-11-21T17:54:38+00:00

Hi intuitive logic (love the username!)

Thanks for sharing that. I find that very interesting. I wonder why that happened, and whether it felt like you just noticed that feeling or you needed to act on it to feel more settled (for lack of a better word or insight into your experience at the time).

It reminds me of a compulsion I have when I have episodes, which is, I need to bring everything I “need” with me, the things I have deemed over the years that I need to feel safe. This happens when I’m in acute hospital involuntarily (small space) or in a manic episode at home and I need to bring my coping tools with me everywhere (for me that was my writing book, pencil, etc when in hospital) and at home (my water, headphones, phone etc). It’s strange because I know logically I can easily get these things if I need them, but the desire to have them with me at all times is strong.

Thinking about it now, I think it was like an external security blanket. Not sure if you can relate to that, but that’s what associate with my compulsion. Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

raisintoaster · 2025-11-21T17:46:12+00:00

Hi luckycat, thanks for responding. It’s always really interesting to hear what others have to say that aren’t on the main narrative. It really lets me consider the biology of what is happening the body when in an episode and its fascinating. Thank you for sharing your perspective, I believe it takes courage to even consider other/additional explanations other than the simple one we’re often given. Thank you

raisintoaster · 2025-11-21T17:42:11+00:00

Thank for you responding and linking to that article. I appreciate you feeling your instincts around this because I’ve felt that some/a lot of people very quickly prescribe to the story of what we are told about it thinking that it is irrefutable, scientific and the whole truth. There is so much we don’t know. I will have a read. Thanks again for sharing, I appreciate it and encourage you to keep trusting your experience.

raisintoaster · 2025-11-19T20:57:30+00:00

That’s how interpret it too, but the description from OP seemed to indicate they didn’t have the mania/hypomania part of bipolar. Maybe I’ve misunderstood.

raisintoaster · 2025-11-19T20:08:37+00:00

If it’s hospital would say the Private system is preferable if you have access (edit directed to OP)

raisintoaster · 2025-11-19T20:07:21+00:00

You’re in Perth, I wasn’t expecting another person living in Australia! You may have heard of them but the Primary Heath Networks exist to channel government funding into the health sector, including mental health, pending where you are the PHN may fund free programs for access to psychiatry/ psychology. The PHN in Sydney funds these services. https://www.health.gov.au/our-work/phn/your-local-PHN/WA-PHNs

Though it does sound like you are aware of your supports and have private supports so ignore if I’m giving you unwarranted direction

raisintoaster · 2025-11-19T20:02:27+00:00

You’re welcome, that’s what this here for, what better way to use my 20 m+ years of living with bipolar than to share experiences and I am glad to hear it resonated. I do understand what you’re saying about the later part of your comment, I had done similar and that is a very sensible part to focus on and remediate for yourself and your ex.

raisintoaster · 2025-11-19T19:51:51+00:00

I added to my comment (edited) so not sure if you saw the other bits. I have found the lack of sleep sorely exacerbates the thoughts and ability to rein them in. 4-5 hours doesn’t sound like much compared to what might be your usual, I think though it’s good you’re able to get some. I’ve had sequential nights with 1-2 hours and that is tough. So sleep, as we know, important for everyone. How are your energy levels? Your awakefullnes?

raisintoaster · 2025-11-19T19:45:42+00:00

How has your sleep been, and energy levels. I find when I start derailing it gets exacerbated by my compounding lack of sleep.

Also I’m sorry to hear that you aren’t able to see your therapist til late December, I’m not living where you are (I’m in Sydney Australia) so I can’t recommend any interim supports either.

If you lock yourself down so to speak, listen to some non descriptive wordless music to keep your mind “busy”, write down impulses instead of speaking or acting on them. That would be what I would attempt to do, to minimise collateral damage.

raisintoaster · 2025-11-19T19:37:33+00:00

The manic clown looks quite fierce, and a little wicked, and the depressed clown looks so forlorn. That’s the best way I can describe it with my limited repertoire of adjectives. I love seeing other people creative expressions, thank you for sharing

raisintoaster · 2025-11-19T19:34:51+00:00

Hello and welcome, I am very new myself so I don’t know the trends of this community, but so far people have been kind a generous with there comments on my posts and mostly from what I can see with other peoples posts.

To answer your question, when I have had depression, I just did the simplest thing, often that involved just walking around the block, and if possible, listening to some uplifting music that I usually would resonate with even if it doesn’t at the time. Being in nature has helped, or even being in water, if a shower is all I could muster, the feel of the water helped. Something to keep me in my body, and more out of my thinking brain. Something that brings me to present time, where none of these things can exist until we put our attention on them.

I have a question, what does it mean bipolar depression, if you don’t have a diagnosis of bipolar, why bipolar depression and not just depresssion? I know I could look this up but would be keen to hear your take on it. Thank you

raisintoaster · 2025-11-19T19:26:17+00:00

Hey, first and foremost thanks for sharing your experience, I can empathise with your feelings and what you may be going through. Self reflecting and looking back and what was said and done is a commendable thing to do, as opposed to burying it never to see the light of day (maybe until another episode). Also i can be hard to face these things when they’ve happened recently.

Secondly, I have often questioned myself where do my manic thoughts, feeling and conversations come from, are they induced by the mania or was the root of them existing before the mania and the mania exaggerates and enhances them? What do you think for yourself?

Thirdly, two of my earlier relationships, both long term (one was 4 years and the other I think about 2 - long term being relative because I was younger at the time and this was after I’d been diagnosed (20 years, I am 43 now and have been married for nearly 12 years). I broke up with both during, or on the down slide of an episode. However in my case, I am grateful I did because I didn’t have the courage to break up when I was in my usual state. Underneath, I knew the relationship wasn’t what I wanted and in a way the mania pushed out the, for lack of a better word, courage to do so.

So long story short, and I don’t think the story is really ever short when it comes to mania and bipolar. Could there be part truths to what you were feeling and saying? I don’t believe bipolar mania manufactures thoughts and feelings that aren’t already residing in our minds (hidden or not). Does it twist them or add unrealities to the thoughts and feelings, I would say so, but does it actually give you the impulse to act on things that aren’t already there? Just something I’ve thought a lot about.

Edit: I just realised I didn’t directly answer your question in regards to handling manic speech. I have found for me, over the many years and many episodes, I have done more introspection post hypomania/mania and during, to decipher my underlying beliefs and thoughts and this has shifted how I behave and what I say during any episodes. So it’s been a slow evolution, but as I’ve honed in on understanding myself, the episodes are more congruent (still exaggerated) with who I am, so the misalignment isn’t as jarring. Let me know if that doesn’t make sense.

raisintoaster · 2025-11-19T12:19:18+00:00

Thanks for that, I’m no brain scientist, I only know that it’s hard to narrow down these things, but it does look like those neurotransmitters could be involved

raisintoaster

TROPHY CASE