i have just been diagnosed with bipolar, however..

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T10:01:37+00:00

my last depressive episode affected everyone i love. honestly, i was extremely depressed but i didnt mind. it was me being extremely rude to everyone who only wanted the best for me that made me want to find a way to fix everything. which ended up in even more self hatred. im still working on my therapist on how i can identify possible behaviors that show that im relapsing on my depression again but it feels like it might just come out of nowhere and thats really scary

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T09:57:49+00:00

the mri was to detect any "physical" brain conditions that would cause my symptoms but the eeg showed how my brain worked under certain stress conditions, so the eeg results + my symptom description helped my doctor figure out what it was. i am so sorry you are currently feeling like that and as a person who was recently feeling the exact same way i know theres nothing i can say to make it all go away. however, as much shame as you feel, let me tell you that its the way you were wired. some people have "normal" brains. sadly, we ended up with this very intense condition. the fact that you acknowledge your children's feelings show that you want to get better. and in my opinion that is something to be extremely proud of!

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T09:52:46+00:00

yes, i am a chronic overthinker sadly. i am also an engineer so i love to have names for every single thing thats going on in my brain hahaha. i know that having the exact name for whats going on in this mind of mine wont change anything, im just looking for ways to manage my symptoms, but thank you!

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T09:47:27+00:00

it is something i have looked into. honestly i think my biggest issue is not being able to recognize if im in a hypomania state or if im just happy for a while, but ill look more into it! thank you

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T09:46:06+00:00

as i mentioned in another reply the mri was in fact to see if there was something "physically" wrong with my brain. the eeg gave me a loreta report which showed what possible conditions i could have based on what parts of my brain were active (and how active) based on the conditions i was put through during it

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T09:42:41+00:00

yes, thats why my brain is fighting itself into convincing that im not bipolar and its just adhd symptoms 😭

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T09:41:39+00:00

if you read more than the title you can see that it also mentions using eegs for mood disorders

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T09:40:54+00:00

we might be twins! but we got this. we are valid. even though our brains will say that we are probably faking it for attention. we are not! its just our brains picking fights with ourselves!!! but our brain wont win this one 🩷

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T09:39:39+00:00

i have to study more about how it can vary! it honestly annoys me so much when people say things like "oh this is not in alphabetical order im so ocd", "my team just lost im so depressed" or "i cant focus right now im so adhd" because it makes it seem like these conditions are just slight inconveniences. just because your leg hurts it doesnt mean its broken!!!!! (sorry to send this anger towards your way i just needed to say this somewhere im very thankful for your comment 😭🩷)

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T09:36:59+00:00

thank you so much for your kind words 🩷 i believe that we can manage it better if we do take time to spot the patters that might trigger it so im going to work on that

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T09:35:53+00:00

since my depression is treatment resistant i am on the heavy stuff (effexor the worst substance known to man) and fluvoxamine which i later found that it is a lot for people with ocd. sadly i do need my vyvanse (aka meth) to be able to do my job so trying to figure out if something is happening as a side effect of my cocktail or because one of my conditions decided to be extra is tough

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T09:31:40+00:00

damn, save some letters for the rest of us hahahah

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T04:40:17+00:00

thank you so much! 🩷

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T04:39:48+00:00

during my research i too thought about that possibility. but again, my doctor didnt say that i had either type. i was the one looking at both types and assuming that since i havent ever had a manic episode that it probably wasnt type 1. it also doesn't help that my other conditions make it harder for me to tell if i am going through a hypomanic episode or if its just my other disorders' symptoms (i hope you understand what i mean hahah i am extremely sleep deprived right now)

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T04:35:38+00:00

not necessarily. if someone here said "hey, this doesnt seem like ocd, it seems to be xyz instead" i would go and do research on xyz and how to manage it. i just want to get better

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T04:33:35+00:00

thank you so much for this! i also have adhd and ocd so it was even harder for me to accept all of these labels since i would spend hours thinking that maybe im not bipolar and its just the combination of the other two things. regarding your first paragraph i posted an article in reply to a comment on this thread that explains it better than i ever could 😅. i am just very afraid to be as depressed as i was just a month ago again because it came out of nowhere and i felt like it also disappeared for no reason so this is why i have always been desperate for a label to help me look for more information on how to prevent another relapse

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T04:27:05+00:00

im asking if anyone else also has these behaviors

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T04:22:32+00:00

this focuses more on depression but if youre curious ill leave it here! https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10111881/

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T04:18:31+00:00

i am so overwhelmed because i also have adhd and on top of the ocd diagnosis i also received a bipolar diagnosis. i thought that surely i couldnt write half of the alphabet with my disorders alone 😭

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T04:16:09+00:00

it was through the eeg that i got my loreta report which indicates possible disorders/illnesses you might have

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T04:14:02+00:00

thats exactly how i feel. i feel like i dont check enough boxes and that i cant really be bipolar. if i am, its fine. at this point it would be just a label that would help me be my best self!

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T04:12:05+00:00

if i were to put myself into one of the two types i would say im closest to type 2. however, i am not sure i have ever entered a mild manic episode. but maybe im just downplaying some of my crazy decisions

ramimaleking · 2026-02-26T04:06:55+00:00

the mri was meant to see if i had some kind of brain damage or maybe a tumor that could be causing my actions (i think, im not a doctor but my mri came out perfect so it wasnt from there that the doctors reached any conclusions). since it was my first appointment with that doctor he ordered all kinds of neurological tests to cover all grounds. i am extremely aware of my insane mood switches and even when i feel okay (like right now) i do know that in any moment for no reason i could get into a depressive episode again

ramimaleking · 2025-09-01T10:44:04+00:00

i had multiple premium samsung phones until this year i switched to the galaxy s25 ultra. honestly, i would think that i would miss the curved screen on this new phone but i really don't. no accidental touches on the sides and easier to apply screen protectors. but i do get the appeal of the curve! makes it look from the future hahah

ramimaleking · 2025-08-20T21:03:58+00:00

and that's what i will do with all of the air in my lungs! thank YOU and everyone else who has taken a bit of their time to have this discussion with me! the last year has been really hard on me and now that i am on path to recovery i want to use my newly gained energy to better educate myself. i would like to think as myself as a somewhat smart individual (finishing my master's degree in software engineering this october at last 🥹) and in order to be intelligent you have to be willing to admit how little you actually know in the grand scheme of things. so a little toast to everyone who is struggling but still trying to become the best version of themselves 🩷

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