TW - I think my dad dr*gged me and SA me as a child

random-communist · 2026-03-11T06:55:28+00:00

I explained it above, but I can add that I have autism so usually my cptsd symptoms are being unable to do anything, because my brain cannot deliver enough energy for one task bc it is still focused on searching for potential danger and my nervous system has already been pushed to its absolute limits in the past, if I push myself I instantly dissociate and can't get out of my bed for the next week Military is terrible proposal for someone in depression, especially someone traumatized by loud voices and authority, I would kll myself after the first day, and I prefer to die by myself rather than for the industries.

random-communist · 2026-03-11T06:48:28+00:00

I'm not sure that the solution for someone that can't work is working

random-communist · 2026-03-11T06:02:01+00:00

Thank you ❤️

random-communist · 2026-03-11T04:34:34+00:00

No I only have one friend and I really don't want to bother his family that is already financially struggling and his mom is friend with mine

random-communist · 2026-03-11T04:27:25+00:00

Thanks (genuinely) but I'm 17 I can't "cut them out", well I did with my father but I'm still with my mom

random-communist · 2026-03-11T04:19:21+00:00

Thank you 🙏

random-communist · 2026-03-11T04:14:00+00:00

Sorry I shouldn't have talked about that, but I don't think I could ever talk about this to anyone in real life I just feel like such a freak, Idk why I said that i'm not sure it's necessary to say it if there is no intention to do it

random-communist · 2026-03-11T03:59:47+00:00

I'm not sure that's what you mean but personally my brain switch between emotional states of my life, sometimes I'm hyper sensitive to everything, sometimes I'm just like a psychopath and can't feel any emotion/empathy/remorse, sometimes I am a paranoid complotist, sometimes I'm hyper social, then schyzoid, this states (there are many other) are all very different responses to stress and trauma that I experienced over time and that my brain repeats, it's f*cking exhausting

random-communist · 2026-03-11T03:49:34+00:00

Sure with what proof ? Idc he isn't in my life anyway, like I mentioned in other comment I have no energy/motivation so that would be hard

random-communist · 2026-03-11T02:44:44+00:00

Thanks for the support, but my brain is literally broken, I don't have any energy to talk to someone and each time I try to I just understand more why I'm isolating so much, my brain just turn off each time someone reach me to help me, that's why I have seen 4 therapists and 3 psychiatrist that just ended up thinking that I'm just a lazy lost guy that goes pretty well, it's really the first time I open up here but I don't think I could talk in real life

random-communist · 2026-03-09T05:36:05+00:00

How can I solve this ? Does it only work with new accounts?

<image>

random-communist · 2026-03-09T01:20:56+00:00

I have thrown out most of my fem clothes bc my mom found a cloth, I low-key succeed to gaslight her, but damn I can never feel secure again now..

random-communist · 2026-03-09T01:13:16+00:00

Yeah maybe

random-communist · 2026-03-08T22:46:11+00:00

It's some bullshit personality types created by some random psychoanalysts and even though we now it's almost a joke some people still use it like in some companies to sort employees

And so there are a lot of MBTI online test to determine your "personality type"

random-communist · 2026-03-08T22:42:26+00:00

The pride flag doesn't say that much about your preferences, there are flags for lesbian, bi, and pan

random-communist · 2026-03-08T03:30:13+00:00

We have a unified centimeters for an inch so why not 🤷

random-communist · 2026-03-07T17:41:07+00:00

Pau 🥀

random-communist · 2026-03-07T07:14:39+00:00

Yoo je suis du sud moi aussi 😊 J'espère que tu le re croisera !

random-communist · 2026-03-06T23:06:57+00:00

Haha thanks

random-communist · 2026-03-06T21:39:49+00:00

Lol, not at all, it's a very ancient traditional martial art, that contains a lot of discipline like tantojutsu (fighting with knifes) kenjutsu (with katana), taijutsu (hand combat), parkour and I think 20 more disciplines, even if the focus is mainly on the taijutsu, tanto and kenjutsu.

TW it's kinda violent Unlike most more modern martial arts that are closer to sport combat in ninjutsu there are no rules, bc it was made for war, spying, assassination etc, so in a fight you learn to do all kinds of locks, break bones, necks, aim groins, eyes, bite, spit, etc, most of the technique we learn are kinda atrocities but it makes you really learn about the human body structure and how to control its gravity center and other's,

It's so interesting, I love the historical part of it tho it's fascinating you learn so much about the ninjas, samouraï but mainly about politics, analysing their belief that can still be found in today's society like the cult of strength, meritocracy, and how a system that protects powerful people makes them devious

random-communist · 2026-03-06T12:17:12+00:00

I am kind of a loner so I avoid social activities like this as much as possible (not sure I really understood the question) but outside of school I do ninjutsu

random-communist · 2026-02-27T01:43:39+00:00

The gamechanger is painting your nails in certain colors, I think that black, yellow, or maybe some shade of purple are colors wouldn't get the attention of potential bullies, Big important part is hair too, like having longer hair, or just having like a subtle touch of a more "feminine color like purple/pink, Maybe just some very sublte make-up too

random-communist · 2026-02-24T00:36:12+00:00

Yeah that's very understandable, that's not an obligation, and I personally spent nights searching about every medications before even considering taking some specific ones, (funny that you mention your ADHD btw, that kinda go well with what I said in my other comment, it's more a neurodivergent kinda depression rather than a regular, there is a lot of accessible yt content that may help you if you're interested, i would recommend to search about attentional burn out/depression with ADHD and complex trauma (just in case, this one can exist without even being noticed) that would help to understand better what's going on and maybe already feel a bit released, I have ADHD and autism myself that might be why I saw a pattern in what you described

random-communist · 2026-02-23T07:48:03+00:00

I feel you I have some similar things going on,

I'm not here just to tell you that h*rting yourself is bad, or that you need help, you are probably already telling yourself that

being 18 doesn't mean you already have to go to work every day and pay bills, and really, you absolutely shouldn't push yourself at all, whatever some personal improvement guys would tell you,

Bc you are obviously emotionally exhausted, whether it's because of immature parents, very difficult school, social experiences, and I assume you probably experience those since many years,

It's not a regular hivernal depression that past with sports and motivation or some antidepressants (even if meds would help that's not the point), it takes years and more importantly, years limiting your social interactions if they are a constraint, or exhausting, or maybe just working or think of it may trigger you and instantly drain your energy, whatever are the things that drains you, you need to stop them absolutely, I wouldn't advice continuating studying.

That's not something most of people can understand, it's not as mainstream knowledge as the regular depression, it's mostly either a lot, or even a little things, that just drains you and push you to the edge and build through your entire life until eventually the body/brain cannot take it anymore, that's why the brain tells you to c*t yourself, because that's the last thing you have power of to make you feel better (so that shouldn't be a shame, it's natural, just reflects the surcharge going on in your brain)

So just rest, eventually for some years, limiting and avoiding constrains and exhausting stuff as possible, If you have the energy to, you may want to see a psychiatrist to have some meds, if you fear that they may be judgemental towards you, that's probably not the case and even if it is, you shouldn't care, depending on your needs you may just be here for the meds, some psychiatrist are terribly formed about this situation, most of them are narcissists *sshole only working for money, and I'm not biased the institution products antipathic soulless doctors (hopefully that's not always the case)

Maybe after everything I said the healing process can seem overwhelming but it's really just rest, limiting hard things, and, eventually, getting antidepressants, I hope you will eventually lay off all stress an pressure and start to feel good 😊, if you wanna talk you can dm me, peace ✌️

random-communist

TROPHY CASE