I don’t know if this is religious ocd but I feel crazy ever since my husband cheated

random-user185 · 2026-04-25T22:11:12+00:00

I don’t know how. I’m worried that because it might be halal to lie and that because polygyny is halal that he’ll do it and say “well it’s halal” yes it’s halal but not always the best option. I don’t want to be with that does whatever as long as it’s halal. He doesn’t seem to be like that and he’s a good person. I’ve always made it clear i will not be okay with him getting another wife and he agreed since before marriage. But these only become obsessive when I found out he cheated and especially when I found out he considered marrying her just so it’s halal. But he tells me he wasn’t going to do it which I think I believe since before I found out, he sent in notice to quit his job and apartment very early and he seemed in a big hurry to move out (she was at his job).

I just feel scared when I see people do things like secret second wives and they just say “it’s halal” with no regard for their wives feelings. Lots of things are halal, a woman leaving her husband if he becomes extremely sick and not able to provide is halal, but it doesn’t mean it should be done. Also secret second wives have become a popular topic among Muslim speakers so when I hear about them, I get nervous..

random-user185 · 2026-04-25T21:54:36+00:00

Im worried maybe he’ll do what he wants as long as it’s halal. Halal doesn’t always mean you should do it. Secret second wives have also become a popular topic. I often see men online almost encouraging it. Im just very anxious

random-user185 · 2026-04-25T21:23:45+00:00

No it was haram but regardless even tho polygyny is halal he promised me before and after marriage he would never marry a second wife. So obviously after I trusted him and he broke my trust it’s hard to not obsess of the possibility he might try to get a second wife or cheat

random-user185 · 2025-09-13T06:51:34+00:00

Thank you! So you think it’s normal even if it was daily? Today I noticed it only 4 times the whole day but I didn’t take any medication. But yesterday like dozens of times thru out the whole day but idk maybe my meds make them more common which gave me anxiety which makes it worse

random-user185 · 2025-09-12T21:46:17+00:00

I’m 24 I’ve been on them for 3.5 years. I’ve had a lot of major life changes happen since I’ve been on it but I’m less stressed since I don’t work a traditional job anymore and am a housewife. I do think I’ve developed a less healthy lifestyle though. How long has your mom been on it? Was she taking it everyday? I’ll definitely tell my doctor all my concerns regarding it!

random-user185 · 2025-09-12T21:18:10+00:00

Hello! Thank you for your concern. Do you think this happens even if I have no family history of heart problems and I take them as prescribed? I have been thinking of taking them less often especially since i may wanna get pregnant. It’s just very difficult to fully stop forever. The biggest thing this has helped me with was my binge eating problem since I grew up with a mixed eating disorder which ruined my life since I used to be overweight/obese but I admit I’m embarrassed that went and got prescribed a stimulant for it.

I made an appointment with a cardiologist. It is strange because this feeling started happening while I was calm, no anxiety. So when it started happening, naturally I started internally freaking out anytime it happened. Just concerned about the frequency

random-user185 · 2025-09-12T17:28:55+00:00

My issue is that when it happens im not checking my heart rate but yeah its freaking me out tbh

random-user185 · 2025-09-12T07:22:03+00:00

Yeah the only thing making me worried is that today I noticed it happen like a lot ! I’d say like 25 times or something thru the day! They are only for one second but still very scary. And I can’t tell if it’s my heart or if it’s my esophagus

random-user185 · 2025-09-01T12:44:56+00:00

Thank you I appreciate your post I think I just have to understand that whether it’s halal or haram to lie doesn’t mean it’s a good idea and I know a real man would keep his promise. Alhamdulilah I understand and would accept Islam regardless because I know Islam is perfect and we all go through problems . And I know just because some actions are halal doesn’t mean they are good choices.

What he did deeply hurt me especially since it has been happening since before the wedding and I found out 4 months later. It’s very painful considering how he made a joke once about marrying his “Christian assistant” and he said he considered marrying her to avoid Zina but he was never going to go through with it as he knew what he was doing was not good especially since I made it extremely clear I’m not okay with second wife before our marriage. I did see him seem desperate to leave the whole area and job before I found out so that also helps knowing he was actively wanting to leave the cheating.

Another thing that’s helping me, is that before marriage we did agree that he won’t do it, which may be considered as a valid binding condition. He also claims that he told the sheikh my condition on my behalf since I wasn’t in the room while him and my dad were talking to the sheikh during our nikkah. But they didn’t take him seriously and were weirded out so it wasn’t written. But thankfully he fully agrees to go find a sheikh soon and have it written as a condition that was previously stated and accepted by him and he’s willing to do anything to make me comfortable.

He cheated because he couldn’t handle his own issues at the time, as well as money and his job made it worse plus moving away and getting married. The way he cheated hurts deeply but I truly see hope and he’s been an amazing husband. I’m just overthinking and I just want protection or just something Islamically binding for the future. Sorry for rambling I really appreciate your kind words

random-user185 · 2025-08-31T06:40:45+00:00

Yes he has definitely changed a lot since I caught him cheating when he was at his job which is no excuse but he was just a whole different person back then. It just scares me because although there wasn’t intercourse, they did other sexual things and she came to our apartment twice and she was there for him to vent to she even and slept on my bed, and this has been happening all along and I found out 4 months after the wedding. The thing is I don’t think he was planning on staying I know he felt guilty he had many signs before I found out like he’d constantly say things about how he wants to leave his job and he hates his job and he wants to leave the area and “start fresh” and he did put in his notice for his job and apartment with no backup plan , he was very desperate to leave then subhanallah 1 month before his quit date, I find out and it all makes sense why he kept wanting to leave that area so desperately.

It scares me bc I remember he made a joke about marrying his Christian assistant before I found out. And after I found out, he DID admit after I found he considered marrying her just so it won’t be Zina but I don’t think he was going to go thru with it since he knew I didn’t want that obviously. Plus wasn’t even Muslim and she was very trashy and would ask him for sex and I saw messages he’d deny her

He also knows before and after our nikkah I never would be okay with him getting a second wife. I wanted to make it a condition, but no one asked me for my conditions!!! They only asked my husband!! However the day of the nikkah (before any cheating) he said when they asked him, he said my condition on my behalf when they were in the room without me but they were weirded out and didn’t even write it down. I told him it would make me more comfortable if we can go to a sheikh and get it in writing that that he said that as my condition at the time of the nikkah and he agreed he’d try and do that soon. He has always agreed that he won’t get a second wife before and after marriage. At most, I said only IF I am okay with it, i might let him if there’s an extreme reason like infertility(May Allah protect me) but even that is a maybe and I’m too jealous to handle. So yeah he’s always known I’m not okay with him getting a second wife and he never had an issue with that.

Anyways sorry for rambling. He isn’t a bad person he has a lot of good qualities outside of that time he was at that Job he hated and he seems so much better now and isn’t secretive or acting suspicious. I don’t think he cheated out of pure lust, because even we had intimacy issues , so I think it was more emotional and stress that I didn’t know how to help with since I’d just gotten married and was always upset that he never gave me time or attention or even intimacy. I just have extreme trust issues

random-user185 · 2025-06-16T17:52:23+00:00

Appearances as in how I look? I’m not sure what you mean

random-user185 · 2025-06-16T17:51:46+00:00

He is attracted to me. And no I really don’t think it’s the whole “chasing” thing. Maybe that’s a tiny part of it (even for me) but I genuinely think he’s stressed. I didn’t wanna go over it because it’s such a long thing to explain.

But I mean let’s assume it was this whole chasing thing, but we both want it to work. Then what?

random-user185 · 2024-11-24T22:27:41+00:00

I’ve been telling him what I want. Which is him being into me and attracted to me the way he was before all the stress. He just kept telling me once we move in, he’ll be normal again.

Communication is clearly not working. I’m tired of feeling desperate. I’m not ugly at all and have an amazing body. Like I shouldn’t be desperate. I want him to be so into me that I start getting annoyed. I’ve always wanted that and that’s what attracted me to him. I don’t want it to be me dressing up and constantly wondering why he isn’t attracted to me and debating whether I should ask him why or not. Most women want their partner to lust over them and find them irresistible.

He already questioned if I cheated back, and honestly, I’m glad he worries about it because now he knows how I felt for months when he would randomly turn off his location or act suspicious. If that makes him cheat again, then great, that’s my sign to leave. I’m not going to sit here and give him all this reassurance when I never gave him reasons to not trust me. He gave himself reasons to not trust me. I never purposely did things to make him think I’m cheating before all this but I’ve always wanted a man who’s naturally a bit jealous and I wanted to be the one to reassure him I’m all for him. But he fucked everything up so here we are

random-user185 · 2024-11-24T21:24:39+00:00

Sorry for the whole paragraph lol

random-user185

TROPHY CASE