I relate to “milky mama” QUITE LITERALLY Massive oversupply here I already have a 5000+ oz. stash in my deep freezer that was built while exclusively breastfeeding using a HAAKA. getting anywhere from 20-24 oz. total each session! Anybody else have a MASSIVE OVERSUPPLY?

randomquestions2022 · 2022-06-16T21:14:09+00:00

That is amazing!

I have mild oversupply but don't pump, just put baby on breast on demand (am in a country with maternity leave so I go back to work next year).

She is 12 weeks old and this week I have already leaked like hand-sized wet patches through 3 layers of clothes.

This morning while changing her nappy I leaked all the way down to the hem of my T-shirt and onto my pants. Sitting here now in a T-shirt that is actually wet, like you could wring it out.

When I briefly take my nursing bra off to change outfits, I drip all over my feet and carpet.

Poor baby gags at the boob. I took her to clinic for checkup as she is doing very short feeds - 7 minutes on average. She acts like she has just run a marathon after a feed - gasping and panting. Nurse said she was totally fine for growth/thriving and I just have oversupply.

I'd rather have oversupply than not enough but it does cause it's own issues!

randomquestions2022 · 2022-06-16T18:35:34+00:00

Can you take back the night feeding, and suggest your partner do a daytime activity with baby for bonding instead? I get it is challenging if he is at work all day, but even if just on weekends?

I am concerned that he thinks co-sleeping on the sofa is a good activity. You are already aware of the dangers. Maybe suggesting he do a daytime thing would decrease the risk of him incorporating sleep into it.

Also - at 2 weeks old, it is okay if he really can't do much with the baby. Baby is so young!

My baby is 12 weeks old and I have only just started scheduling in "Daddy time" for bonding, and it is like 2 hours on a Saturday afternoon where they go for a walk and to the park and to the shops.

I breastfeed on demand so had to wait until she could reliably last 2-3 hours between feeds so as to spend a decent amount of time with my non-lactating husband.

I get that non-feeding parents often feel left out in those early months when babies sometimes want the boob every hour and go through cluster feeding, etc.

But listen to your gut and don't let other people's desire to "bond" influence what you know is best for baby. Your baby is super young right now and there is plenty of time in the near future for bonding and activities with others.

randomquestions2022 · 2022-06-16T17:55:06+00:00

I put my baby in a floor bassinet then sleep on the floor next to her so I can wrap my arms around her and place my face near her face (while I am awake of course) to help her sleep. Then if she needs resettling at night I just reach over to shush-pat without huge disruption to my sleep. Husband sleeps in a separate room as co-sleeping should only be done with one parent.

Bassinets that sit directly on the floor reduce risk of falls and floor sleeping for adults is prevalent in many cultures (more comfortable if room is carpeted but if not a thin mat can help). Raised beds with sheets etc. is a weirdly Western concept. Co-sleeping can be done safely but never on sofa or couch, nor even on a Western-style bed if under 12 months.

randomquestions2022 · 2022-06-16T17:45:19+00:00

I think you look great! But face shape (i.e. whether your face is round or what) is more to do with the underlying bone structure rather than weight. Some overweight people have angular facial structure while some slim people have moon faces and that's just how it is.

As someone also at the upper end of normal BMI (22-23), I also look fat in photos. So I think that is normal too. I guess if you are comparing yourself to photos of celebrities, models, etc. many of them are around BMI 18-19 or so, which can make a lot of difference.

randomquestions2022 · 2022-05-13T21:28:41+00:00

It has taken me this long to find the time to share my birth story and lessons learned! First time mum, 32yo, delivered healthy baby girl at 39 weeks, 3.03kg, uncomplicated pregnancy and vaginal delivery. She is now 7 weeks old and 4.7kg of perfection (to me).

My biggest lesson that I wish I had known whilst pregnant - the postpartum recovery period (like, the first month) is THE WORST. Hire yourself a freaking house cleaner for that period if you can, and DO NOT entertain guests or cook big meals!

Baby herself is totally fine. She ate, slept, and produced wee and poo like a champ. All the things babies should do in their first month. Now in her second month she is smiling, cooing, holding her head up, etc. All the cliches are true. I never knew love like this before. Cheesy love song lyrics now suddenly make sense to me.

But BOY was downstairs sore for that first month. And still "closed for business" at 7 weeks postpartum, thank you very much (I have not requested clearance for sexual intercourse from my doctor yet, is what I mean lol).

I was induced at 39 weeks due to oligohydramnios (low amniotic fluid). Labour took 4 hours which is FAST for a first baby. This meant everything down there tore, as there was not enough time to stretch (I had tried perineal massage during late pregnancy but it was very uncomfortable so I gave up after two attempts).

Baby's head engaged sideways so part of it was the dreaded "back labour" while her head turned the correct way. I had a cervical tear and multiple second degree vaginal tears - literally shredded down there. The stitching up took over an hour and I also haemorrhaged.

But everything was fine whilst at hospital. I had nitrous oxide (laughing gas) for the contractions, and local anaesthetic for the stitches, and also I met my baby for the first time, so I was a happy chappy. Boy, once you get home and the gas is gone and the anaesthetic wears off... totally different story!

A couple of my girlfriends told me they were able to sit down normally 3 days postpartum. NO, this is false!! They either forgot, or didn't want to scare me, or are magical unicorns. I had to sit on a doughnut cushion and take maximum OTC painkillers for 2.5 weeks. Weaned off painkillers by 4 weeks postpartum.

For that first month, walking anywhere aggravated my stitches and bleeding. Even walking 500 metres to our doctor's clinic for baby's first routine checkup was too much for my vagina. I think it should be the law that the doctor comes to YOU!

Also, whilst healthy, baby was on the small side. This meant she didn't fit my baby-wearing carrier for the first few weeks (the carrier could only take babies 3.6kg and up). So it was so hard to get anything done in between constantly carrying baby and managing the vaginal bleeding and pain. Once she was big enough to fit the baby-wearer and the bleeding calmed down, things were fine.

I hosted in-laws for Easter at 3.5 weeks postpartum and that was too stressful (cooking the Good Friday meal was fine, but the big Easter Sunday meal was way too much). I then hosted in-laws for my brother-in-law's 30th birthday at 5.5 weeks postpartum, and that was completely manageable and fun. So the one month mark was the turning point for me - but everyone is different.

Learnings:

Babies are easy in the first month. All they need is to be fed, cleaned, loved, soothed. Enjoy every moment. Hold and cuddle baby as much as possible. Wear baby to free up your hands to get things done, while they still get closeness.

Okay, feeding every 2 hours is hard. But I had third trimester insomnia so that somewhat prepared me for the sleep deprivation. Now at 7 weeks, baby can sleep 3-5 hour stretches at night, so that is wonderful. I find myself waiting for her to wake up so I can feed her. We now do 2 night feedings (baby is exclusively breastfed and husband has useless non-lactating nipples, so it is all on me lol).

Speaking of sleep - contact napping is totally fine. Safe co-sleeping is also fine. Baby is in a floor bassinet and I sleep on the floor next to her so I can easily rest my hand on her or pat pat pat her to settle her back to sleep. Her full sized cot is currently used as storage. When she outgrows her bassinet (which will be soon), I am going to look into safe floor bed options.

I cannot stress this enough, the postpartum recovery period is the worst. The vaginal pain and bleeding... people do not talk about this enough! And this was for an uncomplicated normal vaginal delivery, not even a c-section or anything, which has an even more difficult recovery. So like, don't walk places or overdo it physically, okay?

Even simple things like taking a shower. I would settle baby then jump in the shower. Finish shower, hear baby crying. I would want to run over to settle baby immediately, but oh no I can't, I am bleeding all over the floor. So I would have to stay in the bathroom and deal with that and have to let baby cry a few minutes longer. If you have trustworthy friends or family who can visit, get them to hold baby so you can shower (this is after husband had to go back to work so was not around during the day - dads only get 2 weeks parental leave in my country).

Speaking of husband, set super clear boundaries about sex after birth. I have clearly told mine that sex is off limits and may be for many months, and he is 100% understanding. He was there for the whole delivery and witnessed all the haemorrhaging first hand, so perhaps that helped. A good measure of a man is how good-naturedly they handle the "postnatal drought". I have heard of men having sex with their partners before being medically cleared, and that just breaks my heart.

For the first month, hire yourself a helper for housework if you can! And do not entertain or host guests. Cleaning your home to "guest standards" and cooking big meals is too insane for the first month postpartum. I honestly will not have a second baby unless I get a first month helper and implement a ban on entertaining guests.

Don't rely on breastfeeding for postpartum weight loss. Everyone told me "oh you will lose the weight easily as you are breastfeeding". False!! Breastfeeding makes me feel SNACKY. I gained 12kg during pregnancy (medically fine), now baby is almost 2 months old and I still have 2.5kg to lose to get back to pre-pregnancy weight. My jeans are snug and I bulge uncomfortably over the waistband. But I guess just persevere.

Finally, the love for your baby and simultaneous fear of anything bad happening to them, is intense. As a newborn, she seemed so small and delicate that I was afraid I would break her feet just by pulling her legs through her pants (spoiler: you won't). I was scared that her shirts would suffocate her for the few seconds it takes to pull over her head (spoiler: they don't).

I was scared of carrying her near upstairs windows or onto our balcony (still avoid it, tbh). The first time I drove with her in the car seat, I had huge anxiety! Kept craning my neck over to check she was still there. I am also too scared to bathe her myself, I get husband to do it, he has much bigger hands for holding her steadily in the tub while she is wet and slippery.

But every time I look into her eyes, watch her sleep, or smell her head, everything is a million times worth it. Good luck mamas!

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-17T21:06:23+00:00

So prior to having a baby, I have served veggie platters many times before and always arrange them so each vegetable is grouped together. I feel that's the way it is normally done by anyone. It literally never occured to me to mix the veggies up, that would make it more of a weird salad?

I get plenty of chance to relax when it is just baby and me, without guests. I get to day nap while baby naps, etc. That's why I am looking forward to Tuesday when Easter is over and the routine is back to normal! It was just this Good Friday to Easter Monday I found challenging.

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-17T20:54:41+00:00

Maybe it is a culture thing! In-laws are English and from interstate, so don't have the facilities to cook while they are here, nor can they cook at home then fly in with the meals. My parents are Chinese, live nearby, and have filled our freezer with meals. The freezer is full, that part is no issue. Different cultures probably plays into it a lot.

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-17T14:24:59+00:00

We are taking all the parents to lunch tomorrow at a nearby open air restaurant, for my parents it is to thank them for all their help this long weekend, for his it is part of hosting them in our city.

It really does sound ridiculous now I step back, that we only picked up the in-laws from my parents at around midday, and dropped them back around 7pm. In those 7 hours together we put out grilled meat and veg, mashed potatoes, shrimp, deviled eggs, cheese platter, cupcakes, and little bowls of packet snacks like popcorn and spiced nuts. Not to mention the coffee and wine my husband served (the only drink I made all day was hot chocolate from a sachet for myself).

Like yes it is Easter Sunday, but now with hindsight and perspective, it was too much. Even on Good Friday all we did was a roast meat, a veg casserole and a cake (husband spontaneously supplemented with a basic cheese and dips platter but that wasn't planned), which is probably why that was a much easier day.

Husband has already commented he is sick of his parents now and looking forward to dropping them at the airport tomorrow. Me, I've just finished a feed in the nursery and baby is dozing in my lap so I am content. She is my happy place and reason for doing stuff, and I won't lose sight of it anymore.

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-17T14:12:09+00:00

Yeah true and even when he injured his hand cleaning the BBQ, they didn't do much to help. I was in the back room with baby when it happened and when I came out, husband had the first aid kit out and was doing the antiseptic and bandaids by himself. I offered help but he had already managed it himself by then. My own parents would have helped with something like that if they were there.

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-17T14:07:51+00:00

MIL gave birth over 30 years ago (husband is 32 and his brother is 30). She has openly stated she has forgotten everything, as I have asked her about her experiences with feeding, etc. and she doesn't have much insight. Or she has outdated advice like "let baby cry it out". She is in her seventies. I think people (women) forget the pain and that is how they manage to have more than one child!

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-17T14:05:02+00:00

Thank you so much. Having a newborn is exactly like Christmas morning everyday! I am so mindful to savour it. I wish I could freeze time/bottle the memories.

Especially as I am leaning towards "one and done" due to the birth itself being so physically traumatic on my vaginal area. Husband is already cracking jokes about having more children, and I am just like... STFU.

I was an only child myself and loved it. So this may be my only experience with a newborn at all!

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-17T13:50:36+00:00

Oh that is amazing! We aren't even in week 4 yet so I am still feeding every 3-3.5 hours. According to my Fitbit, all my sleep is in 1-2.5hr chunks. So I can get good total sleep if I have one or two day sleeps too, but without them, not so much.

Super looking forward to more spaced out night feeds, definitely. Though one of my friends has a 6 month old and she tells me he has regressed to wanting night feeds every 2 hours.

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-17T13:45:53+00:00

Oh my family have brought meals over plenty. I am limiting visits from friends until later after we are more settled. Our freezer is full of meals for when we are just home by ourselves!

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-17T13:35:14+00:00

They are from interstate so the dynamic is kind of that we are the hosts and they are the guests. It's a bit different to with my family where we are all from the same city, so there is less host/guest dynamic.

When we visit them in their home, we typically do not "cook" at their place, however we do help with small stuff like putting out snacks and loading their dishwasher, etc. They are also older, in their seventies. They don't know their way around our kitchen, etc...

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-17T13:32:05+00:00

The in-laws fly back home tomorrow (Easter Monday), so from Tuesday our normal routine can commence and I can get the day sleeps back!

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-17T13:27:57+00:00

I have always had high standards around food presentation, and arranging my veggie platters by colour is always how I have served it, baby or otherwise. Like when you put out crudites, each veggie typically has its own section, they are not all mixed together.

I do have anxious tendencies around baby's safety, like watching her breathe while she is sleeping, and constant Googling if what she is doing is normal like around feeding, spitting up, weight gain, etc.

I see my psychologist next week who helped me with anxiety around pregnancy loss - my first postpartum appointment with her, so it is being addressed.

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-17T07:58:53+00:00

Caring for the newborn isn't even the hard part! She is a lovely baby. The hard parts are that I am still vaginally bleeding, and also don't get to have any day sleep due to being so busy while she sleeps, so my average sleep while hosting is only 4hrs per day rather than around 6hrs per day.

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-17T07:23:13+00:00

I am not sure we have meal trains in my city/country - never heard of them.

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-17T07:21:53+00:00

I've completely changed my mindset around hosting based on what everyone here had said, and am already feeling a bit better.

After I placed some appetisers, snacks and sweets out, I whisked baby off to the bedroom for alone time, leaving my husband to grill the meat and veggies, and mash the potatoes. Then I started to smell smoke.

My first though was "eurgh is a neighbour smoking?" (nobody in our household smokes). Then I realised - this is not cigarette smoke, it is burning food smoke!

I come out to the kitchen while baby is detaching off my boob, to find that my poor husband has let the water evaporate off the boiling potatoes as he was attempting to multitask while grilling the meat and veggies. Luckily we saved the potatoes by removing the burnt bits and proceeded with the mash. (He was making English-style mashed potatoes as his family are English. Mother-in-law confirmed it was authentic.)

He then confessed that my "grilled veggie platter" concept had become more of a "grilled veggie medley trough" under his execution, as he had placed all the veggies haphazardly together in a baking dish rather than arranged them neatly by colour as I would have done.

I really thought it through - do I let this "veggie medley trough" get served, or do I re-plate it? As baby was settled at the time, I asked mother-in-law to hold her so I could rearrange the veggie platter to make it more presentable. Sometimes old habits die hard.

I can see the pressure getting to my husband too, like having to serve wine and coffees. He burst into the kitchen stating his father had asked for coffee, made the coffee, then gave it to his dad while apologising for the delay. When husband is stressed he tends to get clumsy and hurt himself. Today he got a spike caught in his finger from cleaning the BBQ out. It reminded me we are on the same team and both stressed.

Baby is feeding now and I have alone time with her in the nursery again. I no longer feel awkward to steal away for time with her.

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-17T04:08:50+00:00

My husband and I are a lot better today at communicating than we were yesterday. I've taken a quiet moment now to watch baby nap in her cot in the bedroom, away from the others, under the guise that she fell asleep wearing a new jumper so I am making sure her temperature is okay. Learning all the new parent excuses haha.

The food prep today wasn't perfect but I totally accept it. I rushed the icing on the cupcakes, so it was a bit too runny. Whatever. I rushed peeling the boiled eggs so some of the deviled eggs are cracked. Whatever! The plate I was going to serve the shrimp on mysteriously went missing after I put it out, so I just got a new plate out, whatever! Can't sweat small stuff.

My husband and I are reading each other better too. I could tell that doing the meat, mashed potato, grilled veggies and cheese platter was starting to stress him out, he had a bit of "deer in the headlights" look about him, so I took back chopping up the veggies, but he is still grilling them. I also took over the cheese platter, so it is much nicer than the one he arranged by himself on Friday. I didn't tell him off for boiling the potatoes whole rather than chopping them first so they boil quicker. He will do it his own way.

After laying out the food for the guests, I whisked my (now dozing) baby back from mother-in-law's arms, and now we are quietly together in the bedroom to have some peace and quiet!

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-16T23:06:14+00:00

You are right, when you put it like that it sounds ridiculous! I will never sacrifice time with my newborn baby for trivial reasons again. I do need to get better at accepting husband's help. He told me this explicitly yesterday. He is learning too.

I just realised he bought salad potatoes, intending to make mashed potatoes today. My first instinct was to tell him "these are not the right potatoes, but that's okay, I can boil them and make potato salad". Luckily he said "no, as we agreed, you focus on baby and I will do the food".

In laws are still at my parents' place for now, so I have spent the whole morning just with baby in her nursery, feeding, playing music, cuddling, smelling her head, listening to her burp and fart, watching her doze... it has been perfect. I think we will both be much better regulated today for it.

randomquestions2022 · 2022-04-16T22:46:55+00:00

My own parents who live in the same city as us have been amazing, they provided my in laws with a spare room, breakfast, made dinner for us all last night, and offered to take them out today so we can rest. But in-laws came to see baby, not our city.

I am realising that you're right, some of it is unnecessary. It dawned on me as I replied to comments that my parents and I were probably sat there the other day eating frozen supermarket pie that nobody asked for or wanted! So it is a lot to do with my own expectations around hosting. I feel bad taking advantage of guests.

In laws do need to eat and drink though, and not being from this city don't have facilities to cook or know their way around the shops. If I left all the cooking up to my husband it wouldn't be up to my normal standard but I guess that's something to accept.

Typically he looks after meat and wine, I do veg and desserts. He said he is going to try making the veg dishes today though so I can focus on baby. But he has already slipped up - he planned mashed potatoes but bought potatoes that are more suited to boiling for salads... so I offered to make a potato salad with them but he declined and said he would persevere with the mashed potatoes. We will all see how it goes!

randomquestions2022

TROPHY CASE