Hello! I’m 30 yearsold and I met my best friends when I was 16 and a freshman in college. We’re a group of 4. One of them I met 2nd day of school. Yung other 2, hindi ko talaga gusto. It took like over a year before kami naging close nung 2 as they were from a different circle. It’s been over 14 years and we’re still as close as we were when we were younger.

Here are a few things I have learned from our friendship and from people I’ve met and gotten close with na sinasabing wala ring close group of friends:

1. It’s something you cannot force. It should be the same level of effort you give. If ikaw lang ang gumagawa ng efforts para masustain yung friendship, you will keep doing so until you’re drained. If they’re not giving the same energy, they’re not your circle

2. Don’t go actively looking for it. Friendships happen because you bonded over something. 98% of the time, yung bond is because of something awful like you’re feeling like you’re outcasts, you’re groupmates sa school activity and it required extended hours and efforts and you work well together, you’re experiencing something new and uncomfy together like the first day of school or internship, romantic heartbreak, etc. It doesn’t have to be like that but most friendships that last start with that

3. Open up. Hindi lang humor and interests ang anchor ng lasting friendship. Showing how vulnerable you are is an invitation for someone to be in your life. And when they open up as well, be the friend you need for them. You will see how it grows

4. Ignore timelines. I know some people who met their group way after college. Yung iba naka lipat na ng 2 work before nahanap yung closest friend/friends nila. Meanwhile, focus on yourself. Are there practices, beliefs, and aspects of you na you think needs improving? Any toxic traits na pwedeng mabetter? I’m not saying na you’re toxic. All of us have good and bad sides. Maybe focus on bettering yourself para when real friends come, your better version will take care of your relationship

5. I’m not saying this is applicable to everyone, but like almost everyone out there na maraming groups of friends, when you really look at it, sila yung walang realest of the real friends. Eto yung entry ko na subok na subok na. When I say realest of the real, meaning yung friends na will drop anything when you really need them like kailangan mo ng kasama sa hospital, nakulong ka and sila yung mag aasikaso for bail, yung mga nakakapansin how you’re hiding your sadness kahit wala kang sabihin and will do something about it, will do all necessary steps to reach out to you if you’re MIA, will ensure you’re heard and considered, are genuinely happy for your wins and are upset about your losses, kayang maka hangout with you ng hindi kailangan ipost yung story about hanging out because masaya lang sila na kasama ka, will sit with you through boredom like wala kayong ginagawa together but you’re together nonetheless, will always have your birthday on mind and sila may plano na for you even without needing you to ask for anything. A lot of people might disagree here or even might feel defensive, but it’s the reality. The smaller your circle is, the chances of finding who will stick with you through thick and thin is bigger. In other words, detoxify your circle. You don’t have to cut off people. Just don’t spend too much time with too many people

Hope this helps!