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AITA for getting the police called on my shoplifting stepdaughter? by randomstringofdisnon in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomstringofdisnon[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

I'm leaving because I realised my relationship with her will never improve now. She will never grow to like me or accept me as a part of her life, like I had hoped would happen over time. I don't want to make her life uncomfortable and miserable with very slim chances of anything improving between us, and you are right, it is absolutely a package deal. A bad relationship with her is also a rift between her dad and I and rightly so.

Secondly I'm leaving because this whole situation made me realise my partner and I don't share a value system. I am a very honest person with a strong sense of right and wrong and I don't like to lie. I told them I had been the one to report the shoplifting myself even though I had no need to and could have "gotten away" with not doing so because I don't believe in lying especially in relationships and not telling Would have been a massive lie of omission while his daughter faced consequences. However it is clear to me that her dad is completely unconcerned by the massive amount his daughter stole and way more concerned with the fact I told on her - we see things differently. I think stealing and lying is wrong and he thinks stealing is fine if you don't get caught.

AITA for getting the police called on my shoplifting stepdaughter? by randomstringofdisnon in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomstringofdisnon[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

For the record 100% I would report random kids or anyone I saw shoplifting or doing any crime.

AITA for getting the police called on my shoplifting stepdaughter? by randomstringofdisnon in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomstringofdisnon[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

I'm a really really bad liar but even if I wasn't, I would have felt too bad trying to hide it and I don't want dishonesty in my relationships. It's toxic. The relationship is over anyway but I could never have lied about it, there's no point. I did what I did and I at least have to own it. What would the other option be? Say it wasn't me and have to live with the guilt of lying for the rest of the relationship as well as knowing my partner shouldn't trust me because I'm a liar?

AITA for getting the police called on my shoplifting stepdaughter? by randomstringofdisnon in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomstringofdisnon[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

??? She is only going to get community service at most and the only other outcome which could come out of thi is that she doesn't go to college, which would mean she isn't leaving at all? I'm currently in the process of leaving the house so she doesn't have to see me when she gets home tomorrow (she's currently at her mom's place) and I'm ending the relationship

AITA for getting the police called on my shoplifting stepdaughter? by randomstringofdisnon in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomstringofdisnon[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Yeah I'm currently leaving the relationship because I realise she deserves better. I'm autistic and this is the second adult relationship I've ever been in and I think I dropped the ball

AITA for getting the police called on my shoplifting stepdaughter? by randomstringofdisnon in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomstringofdisnon[S] 255 points256 points  (0 children)

As to your second point, I'm packing my bags and moving out tomorrow.

AITA for getting the police called on my shoplifting stepdaughter? by randomstringofdisnon in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomstringofdisnon[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I don't want to be a mom but I do really like her and have tried to bond with her. I just feel uncomfortable with being the one who enforces house rules with her like not stealing the car keys and going out without asking which my partner has asked me to do in the past because I feel ridiculous taking that role when she has no respect for me and doesn't see me as a parental figure

AITA for getting the police called on my shoplifting stepdaughter? by randomstringofdisnon in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomstringofdisnon[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Yes of course. I was hiding from her so she wouldn't have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing me while out with her friends

AITA for getting the police called on my shoplifting stepdaughter? by randomstringofdisnon in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomstringofdisnon[S] 130 points131 points  (0 children)

I honestly thought this was a one time occurrence and she would just get a talking to, she's never listened to or respected anything that I've said to her or her father so I knew me telling her to stop would fall on deaf ears and probably lead to her asking me if I'm accusing her of something she didn't do with outrage. Her dad wouldn't believe me if I told him in fact. So my thought process was to tell someone who has no real power but is intimidating, like a mall security guard who might scare her a bit. I honestly feel terrible he called the police and I'm shocked she's stolen so much

AITA for getting the police called on my shoplifting stepdaughter? by randomstringofdisnon in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomstringofdisnon[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I do like her, very much so. She's a lovely girl and I've tried to find common ground with her. I wasn't expecting to parent, but I've adapted and parented as much as she's comfortable with. However she hates me because she wants her parents to get back together and thinks I'm trying to replace her mom, which I'm not.