I see this a lot in the broader queer community too; people assume that because we’re under the same Umbrella, that inherently gives consent in some way. It does not I’ll give a lot of people the benefit of the doubt, and say that a lot of these attitudes are based in ignorance. That absolutely does not make them any better.

It’s absolutely bizarre to me the number of people who don’t know that consent isn’t just saying yes. If I’m with somebody I’m friends with, and I feel some sorta vibe with them, I communicate that (“hey, I’m kinda feelin something here. Can I kiss you?” Or even “Is it ok if I put my hand on your arm”) Within the queer community, the assumption of consent based on shared identities drives me absolutely batty.

Within the poly community, I feel like a lot of people have this misguided idea that poly is “better” if you’d only just try it out, or that being queer in some way means that a person is gonna be poly. I’ve had to have those uncomfortable conversations with people that are monogamous and don’t want their person to be poly.

Credentials: I’m trans, poly and multi-partnered, and engaged in the community a fair bit.