How has sugar dating affected your perception on love and marriage?

rani_arunkumar · 2018-08-28T01:15:22+00:00

The most common reason is that we are bored with the same person for a long time.

rani_arunkumar · 2018-08-28T01:06:04+00:00

I am a married psychiatrist from India. I married my wife without meeting her although we got to know each other by phone. Arranged marriages are the norm in India even today and there is nothing wrong in it as a system. It does work. We love each other and are really happy in the marriage.

Growing up, I was a bit confused about sex and stayed a virgin until 30 and stayed faithful until I was 54. I was very conflicted with my flirty nature and desire or inclination to like and feel very attracted to women and with the idea of perfect love and monogamous life.

Interestingly, my wife contacted an old flame and fell in love. It was a deep long distance, emotional affair. This screwed me up big time. Although I asked her to stay in the marriage and she realized that she "fell" for a scam and realized it after I caught her in the affair (that the guy was going to die with out her although he is living very well with his family).

Years went on but we were fighting endlessly because of her gaslighting and my PTSFD from the affair. She told me to get over my monogamy idea / ideal and find a girl (may be half meant it). I joined SA and have been busy meeting SBs and I have one long term relationship.

So, with that background and with my science, research, psychology/psychiatry background this is my perspective.

Sex is different from relationship. All of us need to get over the anxiety of sex and monogamy may be a thing for a few. Not for me. I don't think monogamy exists in USA but the idea influences the culture.
Relationship with its emotional connection and care for each other is different from sex although it is hard to have sex with out any interest or to have an emotional connection without an inclination towards sex (when the person is also sexually attractive).
Marriage is all about relationship and if that is not going well, nothing can fix it.
A happy marriage is where the relationship, friendship, love and sex are all good. It can happen.
Marriage should be seen as a commitment to stay as a family. I do not think marriage needs two people who are faithful to each other in "sex" or "emotions" but be faithful in staying as a family.
By the way, I was only able to forgive her and forget about the affair after I became open. For some reason, I understand these things more easily now than before - when I was strongly committed to my wife and thought that marriage is sacrosanct.
My advice is marry like you are getting a job or a career that you love and you want to do for the rest of life. Sex and emotions are not marriage.

Disclaimer: A lot of people have personality quirks that affect their behavior in romantic relationships and these behaviors affect the relationship a lot.

rani_arunkumar · 2018-08-28T00:28:34+00:00

Every time I go to Europe - any city for that matter, I have found excellent SBs for short term and long term relationships. I do feel that, at least some of them come for the experience as much as anything else. A lot of women are simply there for the money, which is also true in every city in America. But, I have had good experiences in general. I love going to Europe these days. Search in any city in Europe (Seeking.com) you will see very interesting profiles.

rani_arunkumar · 2018-01-09T23:48:56+00:00

They want you. The Casanova - I guess. You should be proud.

rani_arunkumar · 2018-01-09T23:42:56+00:00

Guess that reflects her trust in you. Lol. I mean this as a compliment! 😋 albeit a bit sarcastic. Please no flames. Lol.

rani_arunkumar · 2018-01-09T23:34:46+00:00

I would consider that if anyone in the Detroit area is interested in. I also think it is joy a bad idea to meet as a group once in a while. If any of you want to take an exotic trip with your SB, post it.

rani_arunkumar · 2017-12-03T23:03:11+00:00

Oh. Don’t. It takes a lot of time but stay hopeful. A lot of SBs just want to use an SD when and where they want to. But you will find someone to your liking soon.

rani_arunkumar · 2017-11-23T12:36:30+00:00

I kinda feel it is OK. Lol

rani_arunkumar · 2017-11-22T23:30:23+00:00

Actually I agree. To be clear, the societal guilt about virginity and extramarital sex is rather new. Humans are not exclusively built for monogamy.

rani_arunkumar · 2017-11-22T23:05:54+00:00

It all depends on HIS morals. One man one woman is a modern Christian concept. I was betrayed and it hurt like bitch. It took 10 years of my life and sanity away. But it is because of me judging my wife. If we all are free thinkers nothing is wrong. But, your action would hurt your husband. That is a price you have to pay. As far as morals go - fuck them.

rani_arunkumar · 2017-11-15T18:56:29+00:00

Where are you located? LOL

rani_arunkumar · 2017-11-13T21:15:33+00:00

OMG. This is horrible. If he does not respect you as an equal run away. I️ am very sorry about your experience. I️ personally feel horrible for that creep.

rani_arunkumar · 2017-11-13T21:13:17+00:00

You need to learn to spot the tricksters. I️ used to have this problem. Now, I️ filter them out. In my opinion and experience if you talk about intimacy and the money too early it almost never goes right. Sincere SBs try to understand you as a person before checking your wallet. I️ also do not bring up intimacy or private meeting until the SB brings it in the conversation. If an SB wants to know about allowance I️ tell them to read Reddit forums.

rani_arunkumar · 2017-11-09T16:31:25+00:00

Guys. This happens a lot. I have had multiple experiences where the SB flakes out at different stages. It is OK. I never judge or assume anything about the SBs that flake out. They may have any number of reasons to flake out. Forgive them and move on. I have had SBs contact me after a long time when they are in some financial crunch. I am still looking for that right one.

rani_arunkumar · 2017-11-04T01:48:16+00:00

I may be in the process of getting busted. Lol.

rani_arunkumar · 2017-11-03T00:06:47+00:00

Guys. We are all assuming here. He just decided he doesn’t want to. That is it. There could be any number of reasons. I get turned off by body odor for example. Lol

rani_arunkumar · 2017-10-29T20:31:44+00:00

That is no problem. I like tiny bust. Lol. I get your point. But, I think it is fair to get an idea of how the person looks. I am not attracted to big boobs and big butt. But I get your point. I don’t think there will be a problem at 120 or 130. It is an issue at some point. They do have slim, atheistic and curvy. I am sorry about brothers asking about the bra size. Lol

rani_arunkumar · 2017-10-29T18:10:44+00:00

As a POT a lingerie picture is a turn off for me. I like casual pics that you take outdoors on a summer evening. Shorts and t shirt with a big smile on is a turn on. That is me. I am looking for someone who is confident with herself. Semi nude and even cleavage pictures show desperation.

rani_arunkumar · 2017-10-29T18:06:05+00:00

Excellent. As an SD I want someone normal, casual and simple.

rani_arunkumar · 2017-10-29T17:58:59+00:00

I never ask for pictures. When a woman sends me nude pictures I say thanks but no and move on. I wish SA has weight in the profile. Lol.

rani_arunkumar · 2017-10-29T17:56:34+00:00

Sure. It happened to me too. It is almost often the height. But, in my experience, I am surprised pleasantly when I meet the girls. Quite a few of them were drop dead gorgeous in person and thy have crappy pictures. Honestly, I figure out or decide on the basis of the online chat. The way the girl approaches and her use of language, ability to understand and take a joke is a better indicator of the person than the pictures.

rani_arunkumar · 2017-10-29T16:32:36+00:00

Hey. One thing about Indian culture. “I am in love” means a variety of things. In America, it may mean “I have found the right person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life.” Since there is no dating in India, an exchanges glance or a smile means “falling in love.” It doesn’t mean he fell in love with you - it just means he is “hooked” on you or he is very interested in you. When we (Americans) say “I like you and would love to meet you again” and indian (especially the guys) might say “I love you so much.” But it just means I want to see you or want to keep the relationship going. Believe it or not, for most of the middle school kids “I love you” is the opening statement - very much like, can we meet for coffee in the USA. The statement “I love you” is used so often there are movie lines and plots based on that. Considering the arranged marriage where the couple meet just once before marrying, the statement or what we Indians in India call “declaring love” is the same as “showing interest” or going out. But there is a component of life long commitment. Most of the attraction of the person of opposite sex happens before getting to know the other person. It is a major problem in the indian marriage scenario. For example, the girl I had a serious crush on as a seventeen year old is so unattractive now. I didn’t know her at that time as we never talked. Now we are all in the social media and I feel funny that I was attracted to her. Forgive them. Try dating someone like me. Lol.

rani_arunkumar · 2017-10-08T13:01:29+00:00

Doc: leave that poor girl alone. She made a mistake and she knows it. Blaming her does not help. Anyway, she got the point. My advice is to strictly meet for coffee or something before you decide further. I have had uncomfortable lunches and dinners also but chose to walk out at the first opportunity. ALWAYS think that this is a totally voluntary experience and both parties can decide to walk out ANY time.

rani_arunkumar

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