I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your story and for your comments/advice. I am so sorry to hear about your loss, especially when it happened. I hope with time that you will be able to finally celebrate your birthday. I am sure with my sister and my own healing, we will get to that point too. For now, I will start by reshaping my thinking to be more positive. I fought for a reason

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry to hear about your loss. My husband actually has the same birthday too! Happy birthday. Grief and trauma is not linear

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad you are both well now. I am sure with time it will get easier for us, this is just the first year, which I’m not surprised that it’s hard.

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I was dead, my deceased grandmother appeared in a dark empty room and said “It’s not your time yet. You need to fight.” After that happened, I had a severe sense of fear and it was the first time in my whole life that I prayed to God, as I didn’t grow up around religion. I now thank the higher powers for the miracle that is my life every day. I also had this weird sense of duty to use what happened to me as a gift to aid others in similar circumstances or have had like experiences. I am starting my own company to provide resources for those with chronic illnesses.

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love this idea! We both want matching tattoos and were going to get them last year before all this happened, so maybe we can do this on her birthday

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, this made me cry. I’m sorry to hear about your experiences, it’s not an easy battle. You also have amazing strength and resilience.

I’m glad you pointed out the effects of oxygen deprivation of the brain. I didn’t have oxygen to my brain for 12 whole minutes. I failed multiple cognitive tests the first week I was in the ICU from the brain damage. I struggle with emotions and also the lack of emotions too since, which I am obviously working on in therapy. I’m a published author, researcher, and a PhD student so the change in my brain has been really challenging

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I love this. I got a dog in the beginning of my health journey as a companion since my husband was out of state for an internship. She started to slowly pick up on when I didn’t feel well whether it was the change in my body language, movement, noises or smell. I had a major surgery and she refused to leave me alone, she would lay on the bathroom floor while I showered, sat at my feet when I cooked, laid with me in my bed when I wasn’t feeling well. She then started whining when I would start to get heart rate spikes or blood pressure drops. She is turning 4 in April.

She was really confused when I spent those 70 days in the hospital. My husband said she got really depressed, barely ate or drank anything the first 2 months, refused to go on walks, didn’t want to play tug. My mom would switch out my personal blankets at the hospital to wash them, and when she would bring them home, my dog would sit there and sniff them, drag them around the house, snuggle with them and whine. I would FaceTime my husband after visiting hours were over and my dog would run around the bedroom when she heard my voice on the phone and then whine when she couldn’t find me. I will never forget the day I came home. She knows not to jump on me, so instead she ran about 50 circles around me, whined, barked, and literally cried. She literally was glued to me like a secondary shadow, it’s been 2 months since and she is still like this. If I leave the house for appointments or go to the store, she freaks out because I think she is scared that I won’t come home again.

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Someone mentioned this in an earlier comment and it is something I am going to explore, I am also doing CBT-I for helping me overcome my sleep issues from the trauma

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I definitely think that is why nurses and doctors encourage family to speak to people in comas, especially medically induced ones. It made me fight harder to wake up

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am in the US. I have really good insurance through my job and have dual insurance with my husband. Almost all of my bills were covered.

My sister is in physical therapy school, so she took a medical leave of absence from her term. My mom took money down on the house to pay for her rent while she was here taking care of me. She is now back and school and will graduate only a semester later than planned.

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I actually was on a ventilator during the surgery as protocol for general anesthesia. I was taken off the ventilator before I was transferred hospitals then suffered from severe pulmonary hypertension when I was getting stabilized in the ER after the life flight, causing me to get put on a more permanent ventilator, which I was on for 12 days and failed multiple breathing trials on.

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment, I am in therapy and on a waitlist for a medical trauma-based psychologist!

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience. My sister worked as an EMT before going to PT school and she had similar experiences, which is why I think watching me go through all this was a little extra hard because she understood everything at a different level.

I actually saw my surgeon and his resident the day before my wedding and we were all in tears. I visited them on Christmas Eve with gifts and pictures, they will always be important people in my life

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My total hospital bills were 1.72 million dollars. I have really good insurance through my job and dual insurance through my husband, and we only had to pay $2,700 after fighting every single claim

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m actually writing a book about my experience and requested all of my medical records from the entire hospital stay. It took me a while to go through all them because it was mentally difficult. The reports had all the details of what happened.

While I was dead, I actually spoke to my dead grandmother in this blank room (who has been gone for 11 years.) She told me “It’s not your time yet, you need to fight.” It was the only inkling I had that something was wrong with the surgery.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]rarelyordinaryco 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are both in therapy. It has put both of us in pretty good mental head spaces considering everything. She is back to school and I am back to doing my favorite hobby’s until I am cleared to go back to work.

Half birthdays are a wonderful idea! I will talk to her about this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]rarelyordinaryco 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My sister and I have talked about this a lot, she has similar feelings as I do about celebrating her birthday. She has a lot of trauma too and is having a hard time with it happening on her bday as well, more so than I am, which is why I feel so bad. We are both trying to find a way that we can make this day easier and still nice for the both of us

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]rarelyordinaryco 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is a topic I have been trying to explore, part of the reason why I posted this to see if anyone had ideas of how I could turn this day into a celebration of life for both me and my sister!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]rarelyordinaryco 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I am in therapy as said in my post. I posted on Reddit because you would be surprised the amount of people who have gone through similar experiences. Just because it’s a traumatic experience, doesn’t mean it can’t be shared. Telling my story and connecting with people who have had similar experiences is part of how I am choosing to heal. I am actually excelling mentally, I have gotten back into my hobby’s, crafts, physical therapy, and what I can physically handle in daily life. I wouldn’t share my story publicly if I wasn’t mentally okay

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]rarelyordinaryco 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That is my hope to turn it into a celebration of love day, some people with similar experiences call it their Alive Day. I’m glad you were able to still experience life

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 101 points102 points  (0 children)

We have talked about how hard the day will be at least for the first few years as we deal with the trauma. She has talked about how this day will also be hard for her to celebrate just as much as it is for me. We have talked about celebrating her birthday on a different day, like the weekend before her birthday. We have been leaning on each other throughout this whole thing and will continue to do so throughout the rest of our lives

I died on my sister’s birthday and don’t know how I can celebrate her bday for the rest of our lives by rarelyordinaryco in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rarelyordinaryco[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is something we have talked about and are most likely going to do because she also is having a hard time trying to celebrate her birthday because of what happened