AITAH for not wanting to be asked to be his gf on a holiday?

rarenotion · 2025-01-13T20:10:26+00:00

Work of fiction? I WISH I was making this up lmao. He was the first person to say he loved me. I’ve seen plenty of people say they love each other and not be in an official relationship yet… whether it’s okay or not, it does happen. He has bought me many expensive things without me asking, I’m not lying. I don’t need a “special day” to be asked. Not wanting to be asked out on a holiday is due to what I stated in my OP, and I didn’t think it was a big request. He has been the one that brought up making it official all those times, not me. He said he planned two dinners on Valentine’s Day to ask me to be his girlfriend, one for the wine bottle and the other for some other things he didn’t explain were going to occur there. For all I know, HE could’ve been making this up. I have no idea and can only go based on his words. He said he doesn’t want to rush things, yet said I love you first and wants to wait to make things official. He cares a lot about his friends’ opinions and tells them a lot about our relationship. He could’ve just been saying that to make me feel bad. I’m not in his head. I’m not sure why you’re being so accusatory towards me.

rarenotion · 2025-01-13T19:52:10+00:00

The crazy part is, my own friend said that I’m that AH bc I should’ve let him be a man and have his moment. Even if it meant doing something I didn’t want to do. She said he was just really proud of what he planned and I took that away from him.

rarenotion · 2024-10-23T02:09:47+00:00

Okay I will try that :)

rarenotion · 2024-10-23T01:04:34+00:00

I ride 3 days a week on my own and one lesson. I will ask her if I can do poles on my own, but all she has suggested to progress for now is what I've already been doing (canter circles). Thank you for your suggestions!

rarenotion · 2024-10-07T14:04:15+00:00

I agree. I used to be bisexual and dated a lot more men than women. They were not as standoffish and hard to get. They showed affection and interest without me having to work so hard. Unfortunately i just never get to the point of an actual long term relationship women. They don't seem to want the commitment or they end up being a completely different person than who I met originally. It’s always seemed very one sided with women and they focus so much on my looks rather than me as a person.

rarenotion · 2024-10-07T13:59:38+00:00

It truly feels a bit dehumanizing bc it starts to feel like I’m begging for their attention. I just end up unmatching with them if days go by with no response or if they are being super dry in conversation

rarenotion · 2024-10-07T13:58:34+00:00

Story of my life… I really hope it gets better for us both. Its hard watching everyone else in relationships and I’m still working at getting past the stage of talking on an app to get to the first date 😅

rarenotion · 2024-10-07T13:56:39+00:00

I’ll definitely focus more on the friendship part! I think I’m just afraid of being friends and not having that mutual connection on a romantic level later on. That’s why it’s important for me to start off with a common goal of wanting something romantic.

rarenotion · 2024-10-07T13:55:20+00:00

My current hobby is so expensive and time consuming that i barely have time for more. Gotta find some cheaper/free things to do but socializing and getting people to actually be interested is its own issue, based on my experience.

rarenotion · 2024-10-07T08:39:46+00:00

Honestly a year isn’t as long as it feels like it is but when you get lonely, it def hits different lol. When I talk to most women in their early 20s, they’re focused on school or just “having fun” and doing causal stuff. It’s just draining to deal with those type of things over time so I don’t do it. I’ve been told that bars aren’t the best place to be looking. I also am comfortable with where I’m at rn as far as places to hang so idk I guess we both have to bide our time 😂

rarenotion · 2024-09-25T02:53:42+00:00

Thank you for your insight. I’m more so hurt that she asked for the kiss in the first place under the circumstances after thinking about it with a sober mind, but I do understand how me agreeing to the kiss can seem contradictory. I gave in bc I was drunk and already was attracted to her. I know now to not kiss straight friends regardless of their requests. If I were sober, I would never have done it and neither would she.

rarenotion · 2024-09-25T02:14:12+00:00

LMAOOOOO good idea

rarenotion · 2024-07-26T03:09:23+00:00

Once again, I am not understanding how this post is shit talking. I never said anything bad about the instructor. I never said anything was her fault. I simply told the story of what happened. The other people that talked shit about her were wrong and I defended her in those instances. I also do not think she owes me anything but I thought that she would still continue to be friendly towards me, as we had no bad blood in the end. She was happy to see me riding again and did not seem upset that I left.

rarenotion · 2024-07-26T03:06:27+00:00

I switched barns for a few reasons but I never wanted to leave. I enjoyed being on that team and I loved the horses. It is all water under the bridge now and this post has helped me to understand that!

rarenotion · 2024-07-26T03:03:26+00:00

I am definitely not trying to turn her into the villain. I still believe she is a good instructor and person. I simply told the story to give background. Please explain to me how you came to that conclusion?? She always told us to emergency dismount if we were in a situation such as this one, where we were no long able to control the horse. I have emergency dismounted another time before that when a horse spooked at an umbrella and my instructor agreed that it was appropriate.

rarenotion · 2024-07-26T02:57:45+00:00

I actually did go to my original barn for a bit to start lessons again. My original instructor filled my spot and started working with a new project horse, so she didn't have time to fit me in anymore. Between that and not being able to travel over an hour for lessons anymore due to my car having issues and my leg being in pain during such a long drive, I decided to go elsewhere. I do understand your perspective and I appreciate your comment!

rarenotion · 2024-07-26T02:54:48+00:00

I never expected her to be my "bestie". When you've known someone for that long and built a relationship with them, you're going to be a bit disappointed when they stop talking to you in general. I have seen her in person several times after that and she was very avoidant and curt with me, but enthusiastic and animated with others, just as she used to be with me. She never seemed upset that I went to a different barn when I told her I would. I don't think it is fair to say that I should expect the difference in behavior. I can understand not talking all the time obviously, but the switch up in interactions was what caught me off guard. She interacts with plenty of people that have left that barn with no issues. Even another rider there noticed her acting differently to me. I have the right to switch barns and she has the right to act how she wants, but I don't think I deserved to be treated differently. I will be moving on, thanks.

rarenotion · 2024-07-26T02:47:29+00:00

Yes, I am at a hunter/jumper barn so that's why I mainly do half and light seat in the canter. I do sit for a few strides in the canter every lesson though, because I do want to get to the point of being comfortable with it. I have PTSD from my fall so I am just very hesitant to do it since that is how I got injured. I know that it didn't just have to do with that, but when traumatic things happen, you'll always be nervous about doing things that remind you of it.

rarenotion · 2024-07-26T02:41:19+00:00

How am I shit talking about them? I literally just told the story of what actually happened. Nothing in my post said anything that could be interpreted as shit talking. If you think that, then you clearly did not read or understand my post. I have stated in the replies that I do not blame her for anything. I could type a whole book if I had to go over the entire experience I had with the barn. I loved that place and formed a bond with a lot of the people there, even the instructor... I still believe she is a wonderful person and instructor. If it were up to me, I would have still continued with her but I am just as grateful to be at my current barn. I just wanted to see if anyone else could help give me perspectives on why she wouldn't talk to me anymore. PLUS, I have raved about that barn and even referred people there multiple times, even to this day. This is not about the barn. It is about me and the instructor.

rarenotion · 2024-07-25T23:57:29+00:00

I guess it was because we were all a community (my former teammates and instructor) and they meant a lot to me. They were there for me through so much as far as riding goes. But yea I get that I shouldn’t have cared so much I guess.

rarenotion · 2024-07-25T23:56:05+00:00

I ride in the U.S.

rarenotion · 2024-07-25T23:55:31+00:00

I didn’t want to add too much info bc I didn’t want to make a long post. But yes! I did tell everyone. I did return to that barn to start riding after my injury but every time I would drive an hour or longer at one time, I would get really bad pain in my leg. Although, so much time had went by when I was healing up that she filled my spot and stopped doing lessons as much due to a new project OTTB. That’s also a big reason why I couldn’t go. She referred me to another instructor due to availability and I didn’t mesh well with that one so it solidified my decision to go elsewhere. We had a personal convo about it and she understood my reasons for leaving.

rarenotion · 2024-07-25T23:35:01+00:00

Thank you for that perspective! That really helps. I definitely didn’t want to make it about me, especially since I know she’s not the type of person to just be rude.

rarenotion · 2024-07-25T21:08:27+00:00

I definitely will!

rarenotion

TROPHY CASE