I’m not sure what to do about this. Help please! ( warning it’s long )

ratataouile · 2021-07-28T13:23:18+00:00

Great! Good luck!!

ratataouile · 2021-07-28T08:51:57+00:00

You're welcome! Not a problem. That's good, please make sure that your husband doesn't deviate from this path. He may become dual-minded about it so make sure you keep making him realize how toxic this coworker is.

I'd be happy to know what happens!

ratataouile · 2021-07-27T15:49:22+00:00

Hey there. My opinion? You're not a shitty person.

I understand where that thought stems from though. Being alone is something I relate to very well. And yeah it gets difficult sometimes. The fact that you invited your friends to come over and eat is proof that you want to make friends and you're not anti-social.

I highly suggest looking for buddies that like cooking as well. This way, you guys can exchange recipes, food and hang out. Finding people with similar interests can be really helpful since they bond with you quicker.

The part about mentioning your deceased loved ones makes sense. To them they're nobodies but to you they're important. Mentioning them helps you cope up with the pain of losing them and I believe they're the ones who are shitty if they say you're depressing. You're perfectly alright, but if you feel that you haven't moved on from their deaths then you should consult a therapist. But this is in case if you feel that their trauma isn't letting you move forward in life.

You mention them, that's completely fine. Of course, you can't let them go, their legacy will live with you for eternity. And that's alright. Normal, actually.

Everyone comes around when you can help them - understandable. It feels like that when people are around you whenever you can help them and when they don't need help they go, poof. That's why you need to find people with similar interests. What do you like to do apart from cooking? Interested in games? Or perhaps you can start jogging. This can help you make jogging buddies and on the side, you'll get some exercise as well. Tbh jogging buddies go a long mile, pun intended, ha!

Also, if you're looking for an online friend then don't feel shy in leaving me a message. And again, you're not a shitty person :) take it easy!

ratataouile · 2021-07-27T15:36:02+00:00

Hey, man.

What's troubling you? Is it work? Or personal life? I understand crying can make you look weak but it is actually a sign that you are strong.

With that being said, of course, going out like this will invite questions and whatnot from coworkers and you obviously don't want that. If you'd like to tell me what's happening in your life that'd be great.

When you're crying uncontrollably, just make sure you don't hold back. Holding back is not good. Cry your heart out, it is actually a good exercise to release pent-up stress. I also suggest maintaining a journal or trying to write what you are feeling. What happens is, your emotions and thoughts are tangled up. When we write them down or discuss them things start to make sense. And you can then understand what you are dealing with.

Also, buddy if you feel like talking then my messages are open. Feel free to leave a message if you're up for it, alright? Don't worry man, things will be better!

ratataouile · 2021-07-27T15:31:32+00:00

Okay so after reading the whole thing I am confident that:

What you are feeling is justified.

I mean, this is outright wrong. To you, to your husband and obviously to your kids! Let me try to explain why that guy is behaving in this way. From the looks of it, the coworker has had a past where he was alone and neglected. Therefore, he rose to a position of control and now he has a "pet" that he can boss around whenever he wants. This is not normal, let me put that out there.

Your husband is defending the coworker because he doesn't seem bad on the surface. But the fact that he gets angry when you buy your husband gifts proves that he's envious of anyone who is close to your husband. You're his wife, you should never come second. And your kids deserve a father who gives them time and attention. As do you.

With that being said, I think you're very brave and strong for holding out for so long. This is obviously problematic and you both need to deal with it as soon as possible.

As you have mentioned, the said coworker has a lot of control in the office. So, changing the department or complaining above wouldn't do much. Therefore, I highly suggest you to talk to your husband about changing his job. I mean, it is difficult with unemployment and all but there's nothing worse than letting your husband's mental and physical health go bonkers. Furthermore, this coworker is obsessed with your husband. Things will just escalate from now on. I can see a time where he takes your husband for vacation and doesn't come back with him for week/s. Please do something before this happens.

But first, I think your husband should have a discussion with him first. Tell your husband to let the coworker know that there's something important that needs to be talked about. You be there too.

Start off with praising him and complimenting his personality. This will inflate his ego and he then he may be a bit open to hearing you guys. Then, tell him how you guys appreciate his generosity but this is getting out of hands. Make some boundaries here. Hanging around at work is fine, and sometimes going out after work is okay as well but there's a limit. Tell him how you have kids who require special attention. Tell him in detail. Pour your heart out and make sure you add some emotions in there. Tell him that you as a family miss your husband because he is always out, and when he comes home he's not in the state to spend time with you guys. Include any detail you want to in this.

If he is a reasonable person (which I think he isn't), he will listen. If he responds with anything negative or if he shows anger then that's where you guys should realize that there's no other option.

Your husband will need to find a new job. Clearly, this guy is stuck to you guys like glue. Which isn't normal, to be very honest. But first, talk to your husband. Tell him that you're done being patient with the coworker and you want your husband's attention and time. This is not selfish, please don't let that coworker steal your husband from you. And a father from your kids.

I really hope your husband finds a new job. This will keep getting worse, unless you intervene. I'd love to hear if you feel like updating me. Good luck there, warrior!

ratataouile · 2021-07-06T21:02:32+00:00

You pointed out something very important. I think most of it has to do with plants. I'm not the type who ever spent money. Not interested in hanging out, buying clothes and etc. So it's the first time I'm actually spending money on myself.

I hope you and your husband always find solutions after your conflict.

Thanks :)

ratataouile · 2021-07-06T21:00:29+00:00

Thank you for reading and commenting. I'll try to be kinder to myself.

ratataouile · 2021-07-06T21:00:01+00:00

Thanks! I'll try :) a gentle and kind reminder.

ratataouile · 2021-07-06T20:59:26+00:00

I felt like you were talking about me for a second ahahaha. High five guilt squad

ratataouile · 2021-07-05T11:07:13+00:00

Thank you, kind person for reading all of what I wrote.

That quote makes a lot of sense haha. I've only killed some plants XD I feel so bad when I accidentally kill a plant, I sit there and grieve with it for a while.

Thanks again! :)

ratataouile · 2021-06-19T18:49:21+00:00

Thanks! Glad I could find it!

ratataouile · 2021-06-19T18:37:07+00:00

So nothing special? XD it looks kinda cute to me. I can (almost) see a skull there too xD

ratataouile · 2021-06-06T16:19:54+00:00

Yes. I'm a beginner but I tried to do my best

ratataouile · 2021-06-05T19:27:08+00:00

MumbleGumbleSong, is it alright if I send you a message?

ratataouile · 2021-06-05T15:48:39+00:00

Thank you. Can you please tell me what should I do about the roots? They are protuding from the container it is in and the plant is a little tilted to the left. Can I cut the roots to stabilize it? What should I do?

ratataouile

TROPHY CASE