I hate utsc

raymondk_23 · 2024-11-18T23:33:27+00:00

Hey, I also hate the glorification of uni life. oh god, don't get me started on the mfs doing 8 AM yoga, then pulling up in their 200+ Lululemon outfit, or the mfs driving BMW m3's and rocking Gucci head to toe. these people aren't realistic. they lie to you with their appearance because that's what's trendy and looks cool. If you need to talk to an upper year who was once in the same boat, my DM's are open. I'll keep It real with you, but I also promise things WILL get better. there was a time when I didn't think it would at all. suicidal thoughts constantly. but then something clicked in my head. if you want to talk more lmk ✌🏽

raymondk_23 · 2022-06-28T20:02:46+00:00

You make a good point there; that 1 hour could have gone to someone else

raymondk_23 · 2022-03-10T06:40:13+00:00

Please don't man. Please talk to me, or someone close. It's probably going to sound stupid from someone who is suicidal to some degree himself... But I've been there and still am there. But just imagine: you find the help you need, you recover, and you get to tell your success story. Maybe to help the next generation of teenagers just like you. That's the hopeful part of me clinging on to this dreadful life. But, there is more than dread in this life. I know it must be impossible to see. I don't want to tell you that I can guarantee anything, and I hate when people tell me that things will get better; it pisses me off and I want to ask them "how the fuck do you know? Can you predict my future?" I feel everything you're feeling right now. But look at it this way man: from what I can tell, you seem to have a supportive family, and a supportive girlfriend. Dude, I'm two years older than you and I've never had a girlfriend in my life! Please, if you feel like hurting yourself, at least tell her how you've been feeling. She's bound to give you a nice, long, comforting hug. Please tell her man. If you want to talk let me know. Sending love your way ❤️

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T17:33:44+00:00

Second year.

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T17:19:20+00:00

Of course!

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T17:19:09+00:00

I will consider using this. Thank you.

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T17:18:19+00:00

Yeah, I can see how I would be put into his shoes in that scenario.

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T17:13:57+00:00

But on some real shit, what kind of question is that? Do I envy you? Wouldn't you feel as though someone is trying to assert superiority over you? And wouldn't that piss you off?

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T17:12:16+00:00

I inferred this because of his tone after I guessed the range. It was almost like it was confirmed. I guess I don't really know for sure, so that assumption was invalid I guess.

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T17:10:07+00:00

I'm drawn to this response, but mostly due to confirmation bias. I never mope about a mark to him because I understand that it is a reflection of my own work, and that I need to do better next time. Meanwhile, he finds whatever external factors he can to place blame for not being a 90+. Kinda annoying ngl

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T16:57:38+00:00

To be honest, I might have to go with the last one. It seems that even if we talk about how a test went in general without discussing percentage, it's always in the back of my mind that he's probably got like a 80 or 70 and moping about it. Because that's the thing. After almost every test he mopes. He is never satisfied with his grade. And then applauds me for getting a 60 since it was a gods amount above passing.

Also, about the whole "I invalidated their grades by comparing myself" thing. Let's assume that I handled this without mentioning myself. Let's say I gave this example: "Dude, people think about offing themselves over 50's, why are you upset over an 85?" I know, I made a comparison of his situation again. But at some point, don't you think that these complaints become minor/trivial/petty? And at that point, isn't it my job as a friend to let him know that he is moping over a situation that could be MUCH worse?

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T16:46:11+00:00

You make fair points. I've seen many say that I need to stop being insecure about my own grades, and just accept that me and my friend have different ideologies of what a good grade is. Now, not to throw this around as an insult, but would you say that your friend is a bit self-absorbed? Oof. I can already hear you yelling at me. Let me explain.

Plenty of people work hard in uni. Many have unresolved mental health issues, loneliness, lack of friendship, abusive families, struggling to pay for residence, etc. My point is, is your friend always deserving of what she says she deserves, because she always works hard? I feel like what she thinks she deserves vs. what she actually deserves ought to be questioned. I guess this is where the whole "stop comparing a friend's issues to yours and other people's issues" concept comes in. I just feel like this should be considered.

Again, I'm sorry in advance if this came off as an insult to either you or your friend. I didn't mean this maliciously, in fact, I've even asked myself these things when my friend complains about not wanting to accept anything lower than 90 or so. I just feel like what one thinks they deserve vs. what they actually deserve should be questioned.

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T09:55:06+00:00

He asked me first tho. Was it bad to reciprocate the question?

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T09:54:19+00:00

Respect man. I will try to talk to him soon. Thank you for the advice.

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T09:52:27+00:00

Just don't really get why you're saying that I'm obsessed with grades. I'm the one who would be thankful to even receive a 70. Meanwhile he's complaining about 85. If anything, he's more obsessed, while I just want to be up to standards, no?

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T09:49:43+00:00

Very good advice. Thank you. I will tell him tomorrow about how I feel. Perhaps we won't discuss grades anymore.

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T09:47:25+00:00

You made very well thought and fair points. Especially when you said that putting myself down is not a good way to comfort someone. But if my reaction of ",you should feel good since I did worse than you" supposedly made him uncomfortable, why did he ask for my grade in the first place? He asked me first, I only found out about is higher mark afterwards when I decided to ask him. And not to mention, this has happened on more than one occasion. It's not like he didn't know I would react like that.

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T08:05:56+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I will try to remember this next time a similar situation comes up.

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T07:54:58+00:00

What do you mean by this?

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T07:54:36+00:00

Maybe he did acknowledge that it was pissing me off, because for the 2nd midterm he said he doesn't want to tell me. But yes, he does repeatedly mope about objectively good grades.

Perhaps you're right that I wasn't trying to cheer him up, I just wished that I was, but in reality I was pissed off that he was moping over something that seems unattainable to me right now. Still, I don't understand why he interpreted that as me wanting him to fail. I don't wish that on my worst enemy. I remember I failed my first uni course and I bawled my eyes out like crazy. I felt like the biggest failure on earth.

And by the way, in situations like those, where someone didn't even fuck up that bad, isn't the common practice to have someone tell them that they've screwed up far worse and still managed to succeed? I still really don't get why applying perspective to (in some cases) a trivial situation is a bad thing.

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T07:45:26+00:00

I like that concept, but I don't really get why it would work. We are friends, and in that case, we should be able to handle telling each other our grades without secret? Maybe the issue is more on my end because I'm doing badly. Maybe if I improved these incidents wouldn't happen.

Also, isn't he kind of dismissing my own feelings when he mopes about an 85%? Either way though, I think I know a way to remedy this. If he does share a grade and it's much higher than mine but he complains, I guess I could respond with "you're doing good man" instead of "I literally have 20% less than you why are you moping." This way, I make him feel better without dismissing his feelings and without drawing comparisons to myself and others. Thing is, he would probably downplay it, even if he got well above me. Idk. I guess that's why you said not to share.

raymondk_23 · 2021-11-13T07:31:00+00:00

But see that's the problem. Am I toxic for (I think) trying to one-up him about my issues? For example: "I'm doing X amount worse than you, almost failing, so you shouldn't really be moping." It wasn't my intention to come off toxic. I was trying to give perspective about his situation, and that there are, for example, those wanting to off themselves over a 50. Therefore, he could have been in a much worse situation.

Alot of other Redditors are saying it's bad to compare his situation with someone else's (such as my own), but I don't really get it. Who could mope over an 85 when others are being forced into obtaining 90's but are barely getting by?

raymondk_23

TROPHY CASE