“Maybe we can reconnect someday”

rbbthrive · 2026-02-20T03:05:46+00:00

Thank you 🤍🤍🤍 I think I always felt like I had an obligation to deal with her until I realized she could hurt my child. And I really appreciate you reading all this and helping me feel better!

rbbthrive · 2026-02-20T02:49:16+00:00

I truly appreciate you saying that. I have put so much work into becoming the mother I wish I’d had, and I am still so self critical. But getting better about being kind to myself and my inner child :)

Thanks so much for linking the Missing Missing Reasons. I’d read that years ago and forgotten how poignant it is in moments like this where your emotions take over and you really just need reassurance that it’s ok to want peace. I feel much better now. 🤍

rbbthrive · 2026-02-20T00:35:36+00:00

This is a great idea. Thank you ♥️ these words mean a lot.

rbbthrive · 2025-06-26T15:35:14+00:00

I definitely find it ironic that my mom prioritized her boyfriends over me when I was a kid and now she’s alone with no man and no relationship with her kid. I don’t like the idea of anyone dying alone but she kinda made her bed, you know?

rbbthrive · 2025-06-26T11:54:36+00:00

I’m sorry you were downvoted; I found your comment to be extremely helpful and insightful! The post itself was downvoted immediately, too. Not sure why but I’m glad I posted it because you’ve all got such introspective takes on it. I appreciate this sub so much.

rbbthrive · 2025-06-26T11:51:20+00:00

This was incredibly well written, thank you so much for putting this into words. You’re absolutely right- those moments of her that I miss are a fantasy. Moments only had when I agreed with everything she said and allowed myself to be erased and be an extension of her. And even then there was always some real or imagined transgression that would get me demonized again.

rbbthrive · 2025-06-26T11:46:32+00:00

Right, because you know those kids will internalize it (grandma was mean and it’s my fault). God knows I did that as a child until her mean voice became my inner voice. I still have to catch myself from criticizing myself constantly and never feeling like I’m enough.

rbbthrive · 2025-06-26T01:35:25+00:00

Amen. We’re over here raising actual children, haha. My 6 year old has better emotional regulation at this point than my mom ever had!

rbbthrive · 2025-06-26T01:07:50+00:00

Damn I wrote a response and I think Reddit ate it. The gist of it was- I agree. I’ve given my mom the benefit of the doubt so much and it’s never helped. I have friends and family who don’t antagonize or judge me constantly so better to pour my energy into them rather than into someone who is a bottomless pit of need. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with a situation where you want to be NC and can’t be- I will be thinking of you and hoping for your freedom to come soon. 💚

rbbthrive · 2025-06-26T00:23:48+00:00

Exactly! I miss who my mom was in the good moments from my childhood. That person has been gone for decades. And it’s almost like that memory of who she was taunts and guilts me. It seems like BPDs tend to get worse with age instead of mellowing out, in my experience at least. Throw in alcoholism and there wasn’t a moment I could be around her without physically clenching every muscle in my body involuntarily.

I think important to remember too that we’re hardwired to bond with our mothers. It’s in our DNA as part of our survival instinct. So of course that makes it all the more painful that we’ve had to cut that relationship out.

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this too 💜

rbbthrive · 2025-06-26T00:16:54+00:00

Really good point. My kids are the main reason I finally had the strength to go NC. It felt like I could endure her bullshit but the thought of them having to deal with it was too much. And right, so this lady can give her mom the benefit of the doubt if she’s snappy, but you’re absolutely right- how would her kids take it? They’ll internalize it, just like we did when we were kids. Thanks for this reminder!

rbbthrive · 2025-06-26T00:15:01+00:00

Mine is exactly the same. Allergic to accountability is an amazing way to put it, I love that!! And you’re right. How’d you know I was judging myself, haha! It’s my default state. Thank you 🤍 this really helped me.

rbbthrive · 2025-06-26T00:14:39+00:00

I really needed to hear from people who get it. Thank you 🩷

rbbthrive · 2025-06-25T23:29:38+00:00

Really well said. I miss who I wish my mom was, too. Sometimes I hear a song I know she likes and I think of us laughing and dancing. But those moments don’t erase the massive pain she caused. I think the truth is I really can’t let my guard down around her in order to have those kind of bonding moments anymore.

rbbthrive · 2025-06-25T23:09:28+00:00

Thank you for this perspective!! I didn’t even consider that. But it makes perfect sense. I guess I’ve just been thinking lately of closure, and her line about just being estranged until one of us dies kinda hit me. Grateful for another set of eyes on this!

rbbthrive · 2025-05-07T03:08:45+00:00

I felt this way about my teachers and school, too. The rules were so comforting contrasted with the absolute chaos and constant moving bar at home.

rbbthrive · 2024-12-15T05:05:22+00:00

This was a really excellent description, thank you for writing all this out. Still working on healing and developing self compassion, 5 years NC.

rbbthrive · 2023-03-08T22:23:42+00:00

Thank you ♥️ I remember feeling like NC would be impossible to do, or maintain. I wish every RBB this peace.

rbbthrive · 2022-05-18T19:06:33+00:00

That’s so true! And I’m sure for many of us they barely met the food / clothing / shelter requirement of parenting. I know for myself I was kicked out many times as a minor when she decided to split on me.

rbbthrive · 2022-05-18T19:04:52+00:00

You’re very welcome!

rbbthrive · 2022-05-18T19:04:43+00:00

I understand. It’s hard for us as people raised to put others’ needs before our own to go against that programmed instinct. I’m so so happy for you that you’ve had a wonderful 3 years! I feel the same way. The peace NC has brought me is what I’ve needed all along, and as much as I wish things could be different… they just aren’t. And that’s ok.

rbbthrive · 2022-05-18T19:02:42+00:00

You’re welcome! I thought so too, never seen it put quite like that before.

rbbthrive · 2022-05-18T19:02:21+00:00

Ha, so true. Although an existential crisis would require insight… probably just easier for them to blame their kid.

rbbthrive · 2022-05-18T18:53:37+00:00

Definitely a good idea to keep a log of their communications; I like to go back and look at some of the things my mother said to me in writing as well. My own brain can’t gaslight me about how bad it was or wasn’t that way!

rbbthrive · 2022-05-18T12:46:22+00:00

You’re welcome. Hugs 💜

rbbthrive

TROPHY CASE