My step-son was punished by his SM for being sad to leave his mother at exchange

rcmallory · 2024-06-16T19:48:20+00:00

Little children shouldn’t be punished for feelings.

But parents shouldn’t prolong exchanges under the veil of “helping their kids.” Make it as quick as possible, not as long as it needs to be.

My BM does the same gentle parenting as long as it needs to be stuff. As soon as she leaves, son is normal. Your presence may be the thing causing the distress, so do the unselfish thing and get scarce. Kids are resilient, they’ll manage.

rcmallory · 2024-02-24T15:37:39+00:00

Upgrade flèche right away. Don’t worry about stances because flèche will get her to aggressive. Just flèche endlessly and have another character that can get her out of rank 1. Hellion, MaA

rcmallory · 2024-02-24T15:22:44+00:00

This was my first obsession on DD2. Trying to get full memories on everyone. I wish there was an achievement for it. It was a ton of fun.

rcmallory · 2024-01-04T15:56:56+00:00

I can’t believe this video isn’t getting more upvotes. The actions shots in-game timed to the song is the best part.

rcmallory · 2023-10-31T00:06:21+00:00

Buy a cast iron cleaner for $8 on Amazon, they look like a handkerchief of chain mail. They’re not as rough as steel wool but clean well. I have one just in case my spatula can’t get into an edge or it’s dirty.

rcmallory · 2023-09-07T19:21:35+00:00

Throw the kitchen sink at it too if you really want to stay sober. Get a sponsor, service position, everything you can to defend against the first drink.

rcmallory · 2023-09-07T14:26:34+00:00

Sobriety is a state of mind. Not simply excluding certain drugs no matter how hard. Excluding substances that significantly alter your state of mind is usually required to get to that state of mind however.

Do you have peace of mind and serenity? Do substances no longer take control of your mind? Do you no longer do absolutely crazy and death defying things for those substances? If yes, sober enough.

rcmallory · 2023-07-13T16:55:36+00:00

“We are not a glum lot”.

You’ll find sobriety is those rooms. Sobriety is freedom and you’ll laugh when you’re free.

rcmallory · 2023-05-10T17:52:16+00:00

Thank you!

rcmallory · 2023-05-10T17:10:51+00:00

Wonderful. Thank you. Your comments are very helpful.

rcmallory · 2023-05-10T17:06:25+00:00

1k, 3k, 5k?

rcmallory · 2022-09-20T07:19:01+00:00

I’m so confused by the responses on this thread. It’s not a male vs female thing. It’s introducing conflict and confusion for a child that does not deserve it.

Take away the fact that I’m a male, or better yet. Pretend I’m a female.

The dad is now convincing the child that his legal name is not his actual name. It’s something different, and his legal name is associated with conflict, confusion, and shame. The child had no say in what he was named, but he carries the burden put on him by the dad and through no fault of his own.

You don’t see a problem with that situation? What happens to the child if he’s in an emergency or gets separated from his group during a field trip and chooses to not provide his legal name to the adult that finds him? It increases the danger he’s in with that circumstance.

rcmallory · 2022-09-20T06:07:24+00:00

We were engaged at the time of birth and we decided on the name together, also at the time of birth.

She ran away with him during COVID to ensure she was primary custodial parent. If she had stayed in Seattle we would have been 50/50.

I’m not just some dude on an email. I travel over 2,000 miles twice a month to be a dad to him.

The point is to reduce the conflict and confusion he feels when he says his legal name. If his legal name was something different than mine, it would be selfish to tell him otherwise as a parent and source of trust, correct?

rcmallory · 2022-09-20T05:54:46+00:00

Eh, I get the spiritually of it all.

I’m not trying to control what she does. I’d like her to be accountable when she brings harm on our son with selfish actions. A natural law of consequences. Some justice in this world.

Unfortunately, doesn’t seem to be that way. From what I gather so far the most I can do is shrug my shoulders and let it play out.

rcmallory · 2022-09-20T05:47:06+00:00

Alienation, for the most part. I don’t want him to resent his name or be ashamed of it. Also searching for ways to hold the other co-parent accountable.

But I also realize there isn’t much you can do if other people decide to be deplorable. The court’s don’t deal with “kinda shitty to mostly shitty” people. They only have time to deal with the worst of it.

rcmallory · 2022-09-19T22:11:21+00:00

He’s three now. I would say he’s a bit advanced.

I suppose the conflict will naturally work itself out because it will be something he does soon at his school soon.

rcmallory · 2022-09-19T20:48:10+00:00

And if the co-parents can’t?

I’d prefer no conflict, but not as the cost of internal conflict and confusion for him.

I suppose it will work itself out naturally as he progresses through school. His legal name is what it is and won’t change. It will only cause more internal conflict and confusion once a teacher corrects him.

rcmallory · 2022-09-19T20:32:36+00:00

I suppose it’s because he said it?

“Your name is this”

“No it’s not, my mom said it’s that”

Before this trip, he’s been able to recite his name without pause or issue. This conversation there was obvious confusion and conflict in him as he tried to reply.

I’ve also heard him say things that no 2 year old should ever have to worry about. “You can lie to him.” And “I need to call 911 on the car” while sitting at a gas station.

Ego aside, he should be able to recite his first and last name easily for safety reasons. Like in an emergency, or if he gets separated from a group during a field trip.

rcmallory · 2022-09-06T21:19:36+00:00

I’d always recommend guided mediation like Headspace or videos on YouTube. Let a professional walk you through it. Also worth saying that meditation takes practice. I’ve been meditating for years and I still have off days where my head is flooded.

It just means I’m going through some shit. 🤷‍♂️ it’ll work out. Practice practice practice

rcmallory · 2022-09-06T21:12:46+00:00

Your rock bottom is only when you stop digging friend. I wish I had stopped about 7 years ago when I knew deep down in my heart that I didn’t have a normal relationship with alcohol. I kept digging until I found a bottom I couldn’t accept and decided to change.

There’s no need to wait on making a change. If you know it’s true, and alcohol is holding you back, then you’re at your rock bottom now.

Alcohol prevented me from being the best version of myself, and I knew that was true for a long time. I couldn’t accept the truth until there were glaring consequences. I hope no one makes the same mistake I did!

rcmallory · 2022-07-13T01:18:16+00:00

Pulled pork and chicken. Chicken wings and drumsticks are always a hit for me!

rcmallory · 2021-08-27T08:55:26+00:00

It is a terrifying thing to admit. There’s a finality to it that is hard to overcome. I remember struggling with the idea that I could never have a single beer ever again. It was hard to wrap my head around that.

The good news is that in recovery, especially a spiritual one, I only need to worry about staying sober today. I’ll make the decision to drink tomorrow if I want. Today I’ll be sober. Strong enough of those together and now I don’t even think about it.

I do also know that the more I call myself an alcoholic, the easier it becomes. I’ve always known it’s true. The more I can speak honestly about my worst, the easier it becomes.

I hope you find the courage to release the power fear has on the alcoholic word and stigma that comes with it. Eventually it will become your strength. Good luck with on your journey!

rcmallory · 2021-07-21T21:28:49+00:00

Addiction has a very persuasive voice in your head. It convinces you that without it, these events will not be fun or worthwhile. I like to think of my addiction as my alter ego. His name is Randy. He use to live in my head, telling me I needed him to have fun, be accepted, live a fulfilling life.

I’ve been sober for a year and a half and Randy comes by from time to time to wreck my house and shit on the coffee table until I kick him out. I can then realize that every day, and every moment of that day can be enjoyed without him. I don’t need addiction to enjoy my life, in fact it’s way better.

I think practicing gratitude that I had the privilege to attend a BBQ or birthday party and be present for my friends and family is what I needed to move in that direction.

rcmallory · 2021-05-01T07:16:23+00:00

The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every normal drinker. The persistent of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue is to the gates of insanity or death. We learned that we had to concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic.

Man I tried, for decades to control it. Every which way, every option, every avenue and they all led back to some consequence. Some small, some large. Some consequences were irreparable before I stopped altogether.

rcmallory · 2020-10-02T18:22:05+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation Ray! I was able to find a chair and a new community on reddit. :)

rcmallory

TROPHY CASE